Oops, he did it again!
by JasperSAYSrelax128
Summary: When the family goes hunting,Emmett and Jasper Bella-sit. They decide to play truth or dare. Contains Jasper in Wal-Mart, Bella kissing, Emmett in jail? and Blue paint...will Emmett get in trouble...AGAIN? Won the Fanpire Fanfiction Best Humor award!
1. Chapter 1

Bella Sitting  
Taken place in Eclipse

Disclaimer: Dear Santa, I would like to own Twilight for Christmas. Please?  
Santa: no.  
Me: damn.

I was stuck with Emmett and Jasper tonight while Edward was hunting with the rest of the family. And, of course, they had resulted to pulling pranks on me.

Edward should have known better. Now, I was hiding in the deepest part of Alice's very large closet. It didn't help that Jasper played my emotions into agreeing to play their games. Had Alice not seen this in her visions?

Emmett was downstairs, pretending to not know where I was. Emmett's footsteps were distinct; the whole house shook when he walked. Jasper, on the other hand, was a silent ghost.

Suddenly, the door flew open, a mischievous-looking Jasper sauntering in. I cringed into the clothes rack I was hiding in. I looked back, and Jasper was gone.

It was quite for a few seconds, then "Boo." I screamed and almost had a heart attack. Emmett might be the biggest, most intimidating of the Cullens, but he had nothing on Jasper. The fact that Jasper still had some trouble controlling himself, put together with the most frightening, menacing, look he can give you, and also that he can _make_ you feel fear, is the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. Well, other than Edward leaving.

"Bella….you……should have…….seen your……FACE!" he choked out between fits of laughter. "Not funny Jasper." I managed to say after I caught my breath.  
"Come on, Bella, we don't BITE!" he barely managed to say the last word before he erupted into another fit of laughter.

Jasper picked me up and ran downstairs. He dropped me on the couch, and went to sit in the single chair next to me. Emmett walked in placing a video camera on top of a shelf. Oh, great, whatever horrible, embarrassing, thing they were going to get me to do is going to be on camera. Wonderful.

"Bella, there's no reason to be afraid, you won't get hurt……I think." Jasper mumbled the last part, not realizing I could hear. A new wave of fear came crashing down on me. "I'm only KIDDING!" he shouted before I made a run for the door. "Thanks so much, Jasper." I mumbled, knowing they could hear. Emmett broke out into loud guffaws. Then he collected himself to speak.  
"Don't worry Bella, we're just going to play a game of truth or dare……..Cullen Style."  
oh, no.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Posters

Bewilderment and plain fear covered my face. Emmett, Jasper, and 'truth or dare' all in the same sentence? This could not be good.  
"Umm….I guess I'll start." Jasper said, taking in my horror-stricken face. I guess he concluded that I was in no shape to start, and if Emmett started, I would surely be the victim, causing even more fear. "Emmett, truth or d—"  
"DARE!" Emmett practically screamed before Jasper could even finish.  
"ok….I dare you to go to the school and hang posters that say 'Rosalie is and Ugly Slut' with her underwear taped to it!" If vampires could go into shock, I think Emmett just did. His mouth hung open, eyes wide, not moving an inch. Then he shouted, "ARE YOU _INSANE_?!!?!"  
Jasper wore a smug smile, "No, actually, I'm not."  
"Rose is going to kill _you_ too!"  
"I think she'll be a little preoccupied with you to worry about me." Once again, Jasper was undefeatable. He knew Emmett wouldn't back out and have his 'manly hood' questioned. Emmett got up and walked slowly—for a vampire—upstairs. Jasper walked into the kitchen, and second later he was back with about 10 posters that all read, 'Rosalie is an Ugly Slut' in bright pink marker. A minute later Emmett walked down with a pile of clothing. Jasper handed him the posters, I grabbed the camera, he slung me on his back, and we were running.

We made it to the school in about 2 minutes. Emmett hung the stuff, with Jasper and I laughing hysterically the entire time. Emmett shot me a dirty look before walking back over to Jasper and I. His angry face broke into an evil looking grin by the time he reached me, all the color drained from my face. "Your turn, little _sis_."

**A/N: Sorry it's so short guys! Next chapter is posted though. READ AND REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Emotionally Dead

Jasper picked me back up and slung me over his back., and took off running. When we reached the house, Jasper set me back down, and Emmett entered, "So Bella…..truth or dare?" crap. If I choose dare, they would surely give m something life-threatening to do. If I choose truth, They would no dout question me about my sex life. "I choose dare."

A disappointed look crossed his face, and his lower lip slipped into a pout. It was a hilarious site, to see a big guy like Emmett pouting. But then, that evil grin reappeared, but larger. I could almost hear him saying 'Mwahahaha!'

"OK! I dare you to…..go to Mike Newton's house, climb through his bedroom window, and kiss him!"

Jasper's POV:

I think she died. I'm getting no feelings whatsoever from Bella. Did she just die of shock?!  
"Bella? Bella! YOU KILLED HER DUMBASS!"  
"What?!"  
"I'm not picking up any emotions from her! She's as emotional as a stone!" But as I was finishing, her emotions started pouring in; Shock, disbelievement, anger, fear, and horror.

Bella's POV:

This could not be happening. They wanted their brother's soul mate, to go into his enemies house, and KISS HIM!  
"WHAT. THE. **FUCK**!!!"  
"SHE'S ALIVE!" Jasper yelled. I had no clue what he was talking about, I was too stunned to remember what they said past 'Kiss Him'.  
"Why would you want your brother's fiancée to kiss his ENEMY?!?!!?" I shouted, too pissed to be calm.  
"Because it will be damn funny to his face when he watches it!" Emmett said while waving the camera at me. "YOU WOULDN'T!"  
"I Would!" The worst part isn't that I have to climb through Mike's window. The worst part isn't even that I have to kiss him. The worst part is that it will hurt Edward. Whether he knows I didn't want to kiss him or not, it will hurt him. And that was the worst of it all. I felt a warm tear run down my cheek.  
"Bella, we should get going!" Jasper said, trying to hold back his laughter, but not succeeding. With that, we headed over to the Newton's.

When we got there, we went around the side. "BUT IT'S A TWO-STORY HOUSE!!" I screamed in Emmett's face. "Have you forgotten, we're vampires?" he replied, and slung me over his back. Him and Jasper scaled the side of the house with amazing grace. We reached a window and looked in, it was Mike's room. Dear God. It was a total mess. Clothes and garbage everywhere. Mike was sitting at his computer with his back to us. Jasper silently slid the window open, and Emmett, literally, threw me in. I landed with a crash, hitting my head on something hard. Oww. I heard Jasper and Emmett arguing quietly outside, "what the hell, Emmett?! She could have gotten seriously hurt! I mean, who KNOWS what's in there!!!"  
"oh, she's fine!" Emmett whispered back. Meanwhile, "WHO'S THERE?!!?!" Mike yelled, spinning around to face me. "Bella? What are you doing climbing through my window?" he said, obviously questioning my sanity. Well, I might as well get this over with. I grabbed his head and kissed him.

I meant to kiss him quick, a peck on the lips. But he grabbed my head and deepened the kiss. His breath smelled horrible. I tried desperately to pull away, but he wouldn't loosen his grip. Right then, I knew Jasper was sending waves of lust at Mike. He reached down to the edge of my shirt. I pushed him and hit him, trying to et away. "Mike STOP!" I screamed, but he didn't listen. Just then, Jasper and Emmett were towering over Mike, and he was off of me. Jasper threw him across the room, but in a humanly way. Emmett walked over, grabbed him, and threw a punch in his eye. At least they remembered to be human. Jasper threw me over his back and we took off out the window.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Jasper and Wal-Mart

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT JASPER! I would have been raped if you guys hadn't gotten him off me…"  
"Bella, I'm so sorry! I only gave him a little lust at the very beginning! That was all him!"  
"Gosh, when Edward sees that video…."  
"Well, I'm not sure WHAT is going to happen…" Emmett said, walking in the living room, staring at the camera in his hands.  
"Well, Jasper…..It's your turn!" I said with a smile. Just then, Jasper's face went paler, if that was even possible. "Truth or Dare?"

Jasper's POV:

Well, of course I'm going to choose dare. I can't seem like a whimp and choose truth. For crying-out-loud, even BELLA chose dare!! "Dare, of course." Her smile grew with her emotions of smugness.  
"I-dare-you-to-go-to-Wal-Mart-and-cause-a-scene-until-the-authorities-kick-you-out!!" She said so fast a human would have needed it repeated. Wow, Bella truly is a Cullen. Huh. This should be fun. The negative side is that I might end up going to jail. Again.  
"Well, we had better get this over with." I grumbled as I picked Bella up and she clutched to my back as I ran. It was easier to be around Bella now that I am used to her. She's now my sister, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

Bella's POV:

This, is going to be, hilarious. Jasper? In Wal-Mart? Haha. It's going to be like a bull in a china closet.

We got to the Wal-Mart and walked to the doors. "Well, Jasper, we'll meet you back at the house!" Emmett said, cracking up at the end. I could only imagine that he figured out the true motive of the dare: Jasper had to be escorted out by the AUTHORITIES, whether it meant jail, or not.  
"I'll get away!!" Jasper snapped, with a bit of annoyance when Emmett shoved the camera in his face. And with that, we followed Jasper into Wal-Mart.

It was possibly the funniest thing I had ever seen. Jasper strode down the Toy Isle, spotting a young boy about 8 years old, playing with one of those light-up, plastic lightsabers. Jasper walked over and grabbed one for himself, yelling "ON-GUARD!!" at the little kid, who spun around and made to stab Jasper in his side. Jasper shot back a blow at the arm. They were running around blocking each other. This continued for about 15 minutes, Jasper leaving a wake of destruction in their path. Eventually, an employee was coming over when Jasper disappeared.

We followed Jasper to the Electronics. We were filming everything. Jasper went and grabbed an iPod Touch, went to the cashier, "I would like to buy this." He said, smiling a warm smile, and momentarily dazzling the teenage girl. She looked about 16. "ummm….ok." she said, then scanned the iPod. "That will be $252.48" She said, batting her eye lashes and eyeing Jasper. He handed her a $1000 dollar bill,  
"Here you go. And I would like my change in quarters." He said, adding on a dazzling smile at the end. That was it. Emmett and I fell to the floor laughing. She looked at him as if wondering if this was a joke. His smile turned serious, and she grabbed a bin nearby and started counting and throwing quarters in. After what seemed like an eternity, the girl triumphantly smiled and threw the last quarter in. huh. I'm surprised they had that many quarters…

"Thank You very much," Jasper said before turning away with the bin. Then, he grabbed a handful of quarters and threw them so hard they flew all the way across the building and into the wall. Emmett and I were in hysterics. Jasper turned around to look at the shocked girl for half a second before throwing the rest of the quarters. We heard some people yell, "It's raining quarters!" He even threw some in the direction of the cashier. Then he ran off with us trailing behind.

Next, he headed over to the dressing rooms. He went inside a dressing room, and about 3 minutes later, he yelled, "HEY! There's no toilet paper in here!" There were several gasps and ewws of disgust, then Jasper ran out when an employee started banging on the door.

Jasper started walking towards an area of accessories where a bunch of people were standing.. He was whispering to an invisible space at his side, then he tried on some glasses, "What do you think about these sun glasses?" Jasper asked the invisible person. He received several stares. "Yea, I don't like them either." He said putting them back. Everyone walked away mumbling about "Mental Institutes" and "Psychopaths". An employee then came up to him, "Can I help you with anything, Sir?" _like maybe some psychiatric help _I could practically here him tacking on at the end in his head.  
"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!? Jasper screamed in his face. Then He walked away.

Jasper was walking along when he spotted an employee on his lunch break, eating a bag of Doritos. Then Jasper ran up and hit him in the head, "COULD'VE HAD A V8!!!" he screamed, then he ran away. Once again, Emmett and I were on the ground, laughing so hard it felt like my stomach was suffocating. I tried to get up, clutching my sides, but fell over onto a rack of G.I. JOES, rousing a new wave of laughter.

Finally, we got up and went an searched for Jasper. Oh, My, God. What is he DOING?!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Slip N' Slide EGGS!

Jasper had a Slip N' Slide laid out along the Isle, with running water. I have no clue how. He was standing at the end. All –of-a-sudden, he ran. He threw himself onto the Slip N' Slide, flying across the floor. But he didn't stop at the end. He flew across the Wal-Mart and into an Isle shelf, knocking the whole thing over. He got up, and the employees were standing over him. "We have been watching you! The Police are on their way!!" A dorky looking man yelled. But before he could finish, Jasper was gone. I hopped on Emmett's back, and we ran back to the house, laughing the whole way. We entered the living room to find Jasper sitting, his hands on the back of his head, sitting smug on the couch.  
"Are you ready for you doom, Emmett?"  
"Bring it!!!" he replied with a smile, but a hint of seriousness in his eyes.

Emmett's POV:

He already knew I would choose dare, so why bother ask? He was a smart man. Sometimes.  
"I dare you to egg Newton's house!" Jasper said, laughing. I think we were just trying to have fun right now, so we aren't doing embarrassing dares. But it was most likely just trying to get back me back for the whole 'going to jail' joke. "AWESOME!" I said, grinning.  
"Emmett, you are so going to get caught!" Bella laughed, apparently seeing the double meaning in Jasper's dare.  
"No way, Bella!" I replied.  
"Emmett, how could you NOT get caught? LOOK at you!!" She shrieked, bursting into giggles. I picked up the closest thing I could find—a lamp—and threw it at her, forgetting she was breakable. Crap. Jasper casually reached out and caught it before it hit her.  
"What the HELL, Emmett!!!" jasper yelled, his voice raising 2 octaves.  
"Did Emmett just try to kill me?" Bella whispered, frozen in shock.  
"oops. I FORGOT SHE WAS HUMAN!" I yelled to match Jasper's yell.  
"How the hell does THAT happen?!" Jasper yelled back. "God, you don't even realize how dead you are when Edward get's back…"

Bella's POV:

Oh. My. Lord. I can't believe he forgot I was HUMAN! But it was time to break up their fight.

"Well, let's get going!" I said, honestly enthusiastic about this one that involved Mike. We ran over to Mike's house again, this time I was holding the camera while staying stationed on Jasper's back. We wanted to be able to make a quick getaway when the police came to arrest Emmett. Emmett carried 12 cartons of eggs.

We went to the side of opposite of Mike's, leaving it for last. Emmett started throwing the eggs so fast, the entire house—but Mike's side—was done in about 30 seconds. The whole thing looked like an exploded chicken coop. Then he took on a human pace as he pelted Mike's side of the house.

All of a sudden, Mike's window flew open, and he leaned out. Just when he was opening his mouth to speak, an egg exploded right in his face. Jasper and I laughed so hard, I let my arm go that was keeping my hold on Jasper, to clutch my sides. Jasper was holding my legs around his waist, so my upper body flew towards the ground, and I lay hanging from my legs. This brought on another wave of laughter.

I righted myself in time to catch the look on Mike's face with the camera. He wiped the egg off his face in time to see Emmett, "CULLEN! THAT'S IT!!" as Mike was speaking, the police arrived. Luckily, Jasper and I were hidden. We saw the police handcuff Emmett, then we took off running, hearing Emmett shout, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!" in the background.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Jail, and death?

Emmett's POV:

Crap. I got caught. Now, I'm in Jail. Again.

Bella's POV:

I knew he would get caught. We ran back to the house. While Jasper ran, I turned the video camera around, "I was right! Emmett got caught! Haha SUCKAA!!" then I shoved the camera into Jasper's laughing face.

We got back to the house and Jasper set me down and walked and grabbed something. "How will we get him out?" I had a feeling this happens to them, a lot.  
"Money, of course!" Jasper said holding up the largest wad of cash I had ever seen in my life.

We got to the police station, and strode in with huge smiles on our faces. A lady was staring at Jasper, and handed us our forms. She was really annoying. Jasper took his slow time filling out the forms, then slid them through with a larger grin. The lady looked at us, questioning our sanity at the joy of someone being in jail.

Emmett POV:

That's it. It's been forever in this place. There is a creepy older lady sitting in the next cell, winking and licking her cracked lips at me. Eww. The fat cop walks around with a donut practically glued to his pointer finger. I looked at the lady, and she held up her pointer finger motioning for me to join her. That. Was. It.

Bella's POV:

The next thing we heard was Emmett wailing, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREE!!!" He screamed so loud they could probably hear him in Canada. I laughed. "But it's only been five minutes!!" The cop replied nervous, as if on the verge of crying. Probably from fear of the murderous look on Emmett's face right now. I could only imagine how he looks.

The next thing we heard was another cop say, "You made bail." While unlocking a cell. Footsteps started towards us. Emmett emerged, jumping up and down, while the cop attempted to unlock his handcuffs. Eventually he gave up. It was a hilarious site. Jasper and I broke down laughing. Emmett stopped jumping.  
"What?!" he said.  
"Emmett, you need to stop jumping so the guy can take off your handcuffs." I replied, laughing again.  
"oh." He said, as he turned to look at the tired-looking cop. The cop unlocked his handcuffs and we walked out of the police station. Jasper turned our hidden video camera on Emmett, "Emmett McCarty Cullen, what do you have to say for yourself?!" Jasper asked in a reporter tone.  
"GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!" Emmett screamed like one of those Celebrities trying to escape the paparazzi.

When we were back to the house I sat down with a huge smile on my face from seeing Emmett in jail. Emmett turned to me, "You're next." He said. The was wiped clean so fast, it would make any vampire proud.

"Ok, I dare you to—"  
"But I didn't even choose yet!" I cut him off. A grin appeared on his face and he raised his eyebrows. "Fine—go ahead." Everyone knew there was no chance in hell I would choose truth and be subjected to their questions.  
"I dare you to—" he was cut off this time by my phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID. "Edward" I said as I flipped open the phone. "hell—" I was cut off by a boulder smashing into me. "BELLA,NO!" It hurt, a lot. I flew across the room and into a wall. I let out a scream as the wind was knocked out of me. My vision blurred as I faded into the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Bella's Dare

Jasper POV:

Dear Lord, what is WRONG with Emmett today?! He's almost killed her, what, 5 times? Emmett had planned some crazy dare, Alice had obviously seen it, and now Edward is calling. Emmett, being the idiot he is, flew across the room and ran into Bella, in an attempt to stop her. I ran across the room, picked her up, and laid her on the couch. Luckily she wasn't bleeding. I don't know how well I could do with her blood pouring everywhere. While I helped Bella, Emmett had picked up the phone that contained a shouting Edward.

"uhhh…..hello?" Emmett said, nervous for his life.  
"WHAT HAPPENED TO BELLA? TELL ME NOW!" Edward yelled into the tiny phone.  
"SHE FLEW INTO A WALL." Emmett screamed back, just to be louder than Edward.  
"SHE WHAT?!! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!!" he screamed so loud, even I, across the room, could hear it perfectly. Even without my extra hearing sense.  
"Geez, Edward, calm down, She's ok..…I think."  
"SHE'S PASSED OUT RIGHT NOW." I yelled loud enough for him to hear through the phone.  
"Edward, to what pleasure do we owe this phone call?" Emmett said in a sweet, but sarcastic voice.  
"On the contrary. Alice just had a vision about Bella almost drowning in the harbor. What's going on?" Edward said, suspicious.  
"Oh, we were just going to go on a boat ride, maybe we shouldn't do that." Emmett said, seriousness leaking into his voice at the end. He looked deep in thought.  
"Just keep her safe. How is she?' Emmett looked to me for backup. I could feel her emotions of awareness slowly coming back to her.  
"She's waking." I said to Edward. Emmett had put it on speaker.  
"I want to talk to her." Edward said. Emmett rolled his eyes. He thought Edward was a drama queen. I took the phone and turned off speakerphone. I held the phone to her ear, "Wakey, wakey Bella!"

Bella's POV:

Everything hurt. More than it should. My head felt like someone hit it with a hammer, while my body felt like I was run over by a train. But that's exactly what Emmett was, 5 trains with bulls tied to the front. What did I do to deserve this? I was awoken from a heavenly sound. An angel. Oh crap, was I dead this time? An angel calling my name.

"Bella?" I kept my eyes closed.  
"Oh CRAP! I'm dead!" The Angel was silent for a moment,  
"What?" my angel asked.  
"You're my angel, right?" he let out a chuckle, then whispered, "Bella, open your eyes." I did as he said. Jasper was standing over me, smiling, holding my cell phone to my ear. "Oh." I breathed, and Emmett erupted into laughter.  
'Sorry, love, but I'm not that kind of angel." Edward said. Why didn't he believe himself good?  
"You are _exactly_ that kind of angel." I said, smiling. Jasper went rigid in his chair.  
"Bella, all your lust is killing me here!" he yelled, which, of course, Edward heard and started laughing.  
"Are you ok, love?" he asked after he stopped laughing.  
"umm, my head hurts, a lot. But I don't think anything SERIOUS……I'm fine." I tacked on at the end after looking at Jasper's and Emmett's disapproving faces.  
"I'm coming home." He said. I had to reassure him. Quick.  
"No, Edward, I'm fine, really. We are ok. Jasper is taking care of me." I said, smiling at Jasper. He was my favorite brother, he's a protective big brother.  
"Are you sure?" he asked, sounding uneasy. "Yes, go hunt. I love you." I said.  
"I love you, too." He said before hanging up.

"Well, Emmett, you need to pick a new dare." Jasper said smiling. "huh?" I questioned.  
"That's why Edward called, Alice saw you almost drowning in the harbor." The harbor?  
"what was I doing in the harbor, Emmett?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him. His expression looked like a kid getting caught sneaking into the cookie jar.

"OK! New dare—" he said changing the subject. I cut him off, "One that doesn't involve me dieing." Jasper snickered while Emmett continued, "I dare you to dress sexy and go to a bar, get drunk, and see how many guys' phone numbers you can get." My mouth was hanging open, and I don't even know for how long. I sat wide-eyed in embarrassment, just from HEARING the dare. But then I composed myself, "And WHAT exactly am I suppose to wear?!"  
"I think I can help with that." A soprano voice came from the doorway. It was the voice of a devil. It was the voice of evil.  
It was the voice of Alice.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Over the Rainbow

"what are YOU doing here? No girls allowed!!" Emmett is such and idiot.  
"umm, Emmett?" I said raising an eyebrow.  
"WHAT! Oh….sorry Bells." He said laughing.  
"I had a vision, and if Bella is getting dressed up, it's going to be by me!"  
"umm, what does everyone know?" Jasper asked.  
"As you can see, my clothes are muddy, "now that she mentioned it, I looked at her clothes. They were completely covered in mud. "and I will NOT go anywhere without nice clothes,"—typical Alice—"And I came back here to change." We all knew Alice, it will take her hours just to settle on an outfit. It was the perfect excuse.

"Let's go, Bella!" she said, dragging my by the arm to her giant closet. I mouthed 'help me' to Jasper and Emmett, but they only laughed. She was changed in seconds. Then she dragged me to her gigantic bathroom to do my hair and makeup first. It was horrible. She tortured me with every article of makeup. She curled my hair into big spirals. She applied the last layer of eyeliner, and spun me around to face the mirror. Wow, I actually looked, well, beautiful. "How come you don't make me look like this for Edward?" She only laughed.

Speaking of Edward, does he know? How did Alice keep her vision from him? "Alice, how come he doesn't know what's going on? I mean, you did have a vision about this." I said, as she dragged me back to her closet. She was digging through her closet while she answered, "Oh, I have been watching you guys the entire time. When I was hunting, I was sure to keep a safe distance from Edward. When I left I worked very hard to block my mind. So, I started thinking about what clothes I was going to change into, that way it was easier to believe me, too." She finished, walking out with the cutest, and most horrible outfit I had every seen. She carried a jean mini skirt, and a red tank top that fowed out at the bottom. She gave me flats, thank god. I have a hard enough time walking as it is. The skirt barely went passed my butt.

"Alice, are you coming with us?" I admit, I was afraid of what would happen if I were drunk in a bar with Emmett and jasper.  
"I don't know….I should get back…."  
"please?"  
"Ok…..but not for long. Afterwards I'm leaving."  
"Awesome!" I squealed, she rolled her eyes.

We took Alice's Porsche. And drove to a smallish bar in Port Angeles. When we walk in, dozens of heads turned toward us. Of course, I started blushing. I walked over, and got my first drink. After 6 drinks, and too many of Emmett's and Jasper's jokes, I was drunk. Time to begin phase two. Oh, look, here comes a guy. "Hey babe, how you doin'?" he asked.  
"GRRRRRREAT! Can I haves yo numba?" I sounded like Tony the Tiger. Half of it came out like mush. But he seemed to understand, because he handed me a piece of paper. I walked away. The whole night went like this, with many perverted guys hitting on me. I was almost finished, when I saw a sleezy-looking guy sitting at a table in the corner. Everything screamed 'DANGER' about this, but I was incoherent. I walked over and sat on top of his table. "Can I haves your numba?" I asked for the 23rd time tonight. He looked taken back. Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were busy at the bar and weren't paying attention.  
"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" he asked, grabbing my arm roughly. Oww.  
"Where am I going?" I asked, too drunk to protest.  
"Oh, somewhere over the rainbow…"  
"OKAY! I loveee rainbows! And gold! OOH! AND LEPRACHAUNS! And green…." I was rambling on when he grabbed my arm, for the second time, not caring if he hurt me, and dragged me out of the bar. I kicked and screamed "Batman! BATMANN!!! Help me!" he was towing me to a car. In a fraction of a second, my vampires were there. Alice took me while Emmett and Jasper took care of the weirdo.

"YAY! ALLI! Are you Batwoman? I think you are!" I said, clapping, As she put me in the backseat of her Porsche. Jasper slid in the front, and Emmett slid next to me, laughing.

Emmett POV:

This was hilarious. Bella looks like she is trying not to fall asleep, and she kept mumbling stupid things.

"THE cow goes MOO!" Then there was a thump. "OWW! THE WINDOW HIT ME!!" I cracked up laughing. We should do this more often….I'm sure I have some drugs somewhere…..  
"No, Emmett!" stupid, future-seeing, vampire.  
"fine! Ruin the fun…" we arrived at the house. Bella opened her door she was leaning on, and fell out of the car, onto the ground. I laughed so hard, no one has ever been this fun.  
"THE GROUND HIT MEE!! OME! It's a CON-SPIRE-ETSY!"  
"Bella, I think you mean 'conspiracy'" Alice said, laughing. Bella attempted to walk into the house, tripping over the flat ground. She walked inside and we heard a crash, "ALLI! THE WALLS ARE IN ON IT TOO!" She yelled, and Jasper and I cracked up again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Jig's up!

Bella POV:

I woke with a headache. I don't remember anything that happened at the bar. I walked downstairs to find Jasper and Emmett playing video games. It was 4:00 AM.

"My turn!" I squeaked. They looked at me and laughed. With their eyes off their racing game, Emmett's car crashed, and blew up. "NOO!" he yelled dramatically, and Jasper and I laughed.

"Dare." Jasper said, while turning off the game. I smiled. I just thought of a good one.  
"I dare you to go to school, and paint the pool blue…oh, and with your name on it!"

Jasper POV:

Aw, crap. This time I probably will go to jail. Graffiti? Oh well. Emmett is laughing like a maniac.

"I'll go find some paint!" Emmett yelled over his shoulder, running towards the garage. He came back with a bunch of cans. "got it! Let's go!" he said, grinning.

Bella jumped on Emmett's back, with the camera, as he handed me the cans. When we got there, we hopped the fence into the outdoor pool area. I opened the cans and set them out. I painted about half the area around the pool, and wrote my name, "Jasper Fucking Hale". Mind as well make the most of it. I was finishing, when Emmett started imitating Bella from when she was drunk. Bella got angry, very angry. Her anger was through the roof. I decided to step in, I sent a large wave of calm over her as she advanced towards Emmett. But it didn't have the effect I wanted. She feinted, and I ran over to catch her before she hit the ground. Crap.

"HAHA JASPER!" Emmett bellowed, "YOU KILLED HER!"  
"I sent her a wave of calm, and she feinted!" I said, worried, "What do we do?"  
"I have an idea!" Emmett yelled. Oh, no, not one of those again. Emmett grabbed her and threw her into the shallow end of the pool.  
"EMMETT! SHE COULD DIE!!!!" I was just about to jump in after her, but then, she swam to the top, gasping for air.  
"BAH!....can't……breathe…….HELP!" She gasped between breathes. But Emmett and I were frozen, not understanding what had just happened. Then, I looked to the side of the pool, where an open can lay on it's side, that was emptied into the pool. The last can Emmett had grabbed was dye.

Bella's POV:

I came up, almost drowning, and they were just standing there. Staring at me, like I had grown a second head. Then Emmett erupted into laughter, while jasper looked mad. He was staring at something off to the side, but when he looked back at me, he let out a chuckle. Then he turned serious again, "Emmett, you idiot, the last can you grabbed was DYE!!" He said, hitting Emmett in the back of the head. What were they talking about?  
"Huh?" I asked, confused. Emmett started laughing again.  
"Bella, look down." He chuckled. I did as he said, and saw my skin.

*Africa*

Random Guy: So this is the only wat-

Echo: "EEMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I. was. BLUE!!! MY SKIN WAS BLUE!!

Emmett POV:

Wow, she looks pissed. I had better run.

Jasper POV:

Emmett's dead.

Edward's POV:

Was that BELLA screaming?!!?!!

Alice POV:

Crap! Edward's on his way home. Better grab everyone. Why, oh why, Emmett?

Bella POV:

"Emmett. YOU. ARE. DEAD!!" I screamed, grabbing an aluminum baseball bat that was laying next to a bin of equipment. I ran up to him, and raised the bat. "Bella, come on, put down the bat." He said, raising his hand as if to take it from me.  
Yeah, right.  
"Jasper, a little help?" Emmett said, looking worried.  
"No way, man, She's too angry. There is nothing I can do, but watch and laugh!" Jasper said, laughing. Good. At least HE has self-preservation.

I swung the bat and it hit Emmett's head. "OWW! That actually hurt a little!" he whined, rubbing his head. I swung again, this time aiming for his stomach. He ran away. I chased after him, at human speed, but so fast that they were actually shocked. Surprisingly, I didn't trip once.

There were several gasps then, and laughter. I was too angry to notice. The thing that caught my attention, and stopped me from beating Emmett with the bat, was an agry gasp that sounded like velvet. I came out of my anger to notice the rest of the Cullens, standing, watching our show with varying expressions; Alice looked bored; Rosalie looked hysterical; Esme looked surprised; Carlisle looked embarrassed at his son; and Edward. Edward looked furious, but amused at me beating Emmett with a bat.

Then Edward appeared in front of Emmett, screaming in his face, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO BELLA?!!?!"

"I uhhh…..accidentally turned her blue?" he said like it was a question.

"EEEMMMMMMMMMMEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" It was Edward's turn. Edward was screaming and throwing things at Emmett, while chasing him out of the parking lot.  
I jumped on Jasper's back as he hopped the fence. We all walked down the halls to the parking lot, when Rosalie froze, mid-step. She turned on her heel to face a poster with bright pink marker on it.

On Pluto: "EEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: video

We were back at the house. Edward and Rosalie had beaten Emmett senseless. And I had a feeling there was more to come. We were watching the video.

Of course, I was nervous. I was fidgeting on Edward's lap. And, I was still blue.  
"I look like an otter pop!" I shrieked, glaring at Emmett.  
"Bella, you still look beautiful." Edward whispered, his lips to my ear. It felt like an electric current as his lips touched my ear.  
"I'm sorrrryyyy! I didn't know it was dye! And I didn't mean to knock it over!" Emmett whined.  
"So, are you guys going to tell us just exactly what you were doing?" Rosalie said, annoyed, and also glaring at Emmett.  
"You'll know in just a second." Jasper said, walking in with a remote and the tape. Emmett and I shrank back. We knew we were going to be in BIG trouble after this.

Jasper put the tape in and went to sit with Alice. The screen went on, and showed Emmett, Jasper, and I.

…_.."Don't worry Bella, we're just going to play a game of truth or dare……..Cullen Style."_

Everyone, including Edward, laughed at my face of horror on the screen.

…_.."Umm….I guess I'll start." Jasper said  
"Emmett, truth or d—"  
"DARE!" Emmett practically screamed before Jasper could even finish.  
"ok….I dare you to go to the school and hang posters that say 'Rosalie is and Ugly Slut' with her underwear taped to it!" If vampires could go into shock, I think Emmett just did. His mouth hung open, eyes wide, not moving an inch. Then he shouted, "ARE YOU INSANE?!!?!"  
Jasper wore a smug smile, "No, actually, I'm not."  
"Rose is going to kill you too!"  
"I think she'll be a little preoccupied with you to worry about me."_

"Jasper, don't think your off the hook." Rosalie said, glaring at Jasper. Everyone Else just laughed.

_Emmett hung the stuff, with Jasper and I laughing hysterically the entire time. Emmett shot me a dirty look before walking back over to Jasper and I. His angry face broke into an evil looking grin by the time he reached me, all the color drained from my face. "Your turn, little sis."_

"HAHA BELLA! LOOK AT YOUR FACE!" Emmett roared with laughter. In fact everyone was giggling. Edward just looked at me and smiled my crooked smile.

"_I choose dare."_

Oh no. This was it. I blushed and hid my face in Edward's shoulder.

…"_OK! I dare you to…..go to Mike Newton's house, climb through his bedroom window, and kiss him!"  
"Bella? Bella! YOU KILLED HER DUMBASS!"  
"What?!"  
"I'm not picking up any emotions from her! She's as emotional as a stone!".._

I looked up at Edward. He looked angry. There were growls rising in his chest. "Edward?" I asked touching his face. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Emmett. "Edward, please don't be angry. The kiss means nothing." He turned to look at me, "I could never be angry at you, love."

"_WHAT. THE. __**FUCK**__!!!"  
"SHE'S ALIVE!" Jasper yelled. I had no clue what he was talking about, I was too stunned to remember what they said past 'Kiss Him'.  
"Why would you want your brother's fiancée to kiss his ENEMY?!?!!?" I shouted, too pissed to be calm.  
"Because it will be damn funny to his face when he watches it!" Emmett said while waving the camera at me. "YOU WOULDN'T!"  
"I Would!"_

I looked back up at Edward, he looked hurt. I got off his lap, went over, grabbed the lamp that Emmett had thrown at me, and threw it at Emmett. "OWW! What was that for?!" he whined, falling to the floor. "For hurting Edward!" I said as I went to sit back in his lap. Everyone stared at me in disbelievement. "Oh, you'll find out the whole lamp thing later." I assured them, raising my eyebrows.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Video continued.

_...Jasper silently slid the window open, and Emmett, literally, threw me in. I landed with a crash, hitting my head on something hard. Oww. I heard Jasper and Emmett arguing quietly outside, "what the hell, Emmett?! She could have gotten seriously hurt! I mean, who KNOWS what's in there!!!"_

Edward turned to Emmett and growls erupted from his chest.__

"oh, she's fine!" Emmett whispered back. Meanwhile, "WHO'S THERE?!!?!" Mike yelled, spinning around to face me. "Bella? What are you doing climbing through my window?" he said, obviously questioning my sanity. Well, I might as well get this over with. I grabbed his head and kissed him.

_I meant to kiss him quick, a peck on the lips. But he grabbed my head and deepened the kiss. His breath smelled horrible. I tried desperately to pull away, but he wouldn't loosen his grip. Right then, I knew Jasper was sending waves of lust at Mike. He reached down to the edge of my shirt. I pushed him and hit him, trying to et away. "Mike STOP!" I screamed, but he didn't listen. Just then, Jasper and Emmett were towering over Mike, and he was off of me. Jasper threw him across the room, but in a humanly way. Emmett walked over, grabbed him, and threw a punch in his eye._

I didn't watch the screen. I watched Edward's face. His emotions were hurt, to pain, to anger, to fury. "Edward?" I asked, again, looking at him. He turned to look me in the eyes. He tilted my face upwards with his finger and kissed me. His smooth lips crushed mine, a sensation I loved. My heart beat sped up. He usually didn't kiss me like this. My mouth parted as I breathed in his cool breath. I pulled away gasping for air. No one was looking at us. "I'm going to murder him. I'm so sorry he did that to you."

…_."I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT JASPER! I would have been raped if you guys hadn't gotten him off me…"  
"Bella, I'm so sorry! I only gave him a little lust at the very beginning! That was all him!"_

Edward's cringed at the mention of Mike raping me. He held me tighter against his cool chest.

…_.. "Dare, of course." Her smile grew with her emotions of smugness.  
"I-dare-you-to-go-to-Wal-Mart-and-cause-a-scene-until-the-authorities-kick-you-out!!".._

Everyone erupted into laughter. Edward smiled my crooked smile and kissed the top of my head.

"_Well, Jasper, we'll meet you back at the house!" Emmett said, cracking up at the end.  
"I'll get away!!" Jasper said with a bit of annoyance…_

Edward chuckled, "Yea, because your plan worked out SOO good the LAST time you said that."

…_Jasper walked over and grabbed one for himself, yelling "ON-GUARD!!" at the little kid, who spun around and made to stab Jasper in his side. Jasper shot back a blow at the arm. They were running around blocking each other. This continued for about 15 minutes, Jasper leaving a wake of destruction in their path…._

Everyone was laughing again. Jasper was smiling, "Hey, that kid had skills!" everyone laughed again.

……_He handed her a $1000 dollar bill,  
"Here you go. And I would like my change in quarters." He said, adding on a dazzling smile at the end…. …..After what seemed like an eternity, the girl triumphantly smiled and threw the last quarter in._

"_Thank You very much," Jasper said before turning away with the bin. Then, he grabbed a handful of quarters and threw them so hard they flew all the way across the building and into the wall. Emmett and I were in hysterics. Jasper turned around to look at the shocked girl for half a second before throwing the rest of the quarters. We heard some people yell, "It's raining quarters!" He even threw some in the direction of the cashier. _

"HAHAHA! OH MY GOD! THAT WAS HILARIOUS! THAT POOR GIRL!" I yelled, laughing.

_He went inside a dressing room, and about 3 minutes later, he yelled, "HEY! There's no toilet paper in here!"_

"Oh my gosh Jasper, that was hilarious!" Alice said, giggling.

…_He was whispering to an invisible space at his side, then he tried on some glasses, "What do you think about these sun glasses?" Jasper asked the invisible person. He received several stares. "Yea, I don't like them either." He said putting them back. Everyone walked away mumbling about "Mental Institutes" and "Psychopaths". An employee then came up to him, "Can I help you with anything, Sir?" like maybe some psychiatric help I could practically here him tacking on at the end in his head.  
"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!? Jasper screamed in his face. Then He walked away…._

This time, Edward got the biggest kick out of it. He threw his head back, and was laughing like Emmett.

_Jasper was walking along when he spotted an employee on his lunch break, eating a bag of Doritos. Then Jasper ran up and hit him in the head, "COULD'VE HAD A V8!!!" he screamed, then he ran away. Once again, Emmett and I were on the ground, laughing so hard it felt like my stomach was suffocating. I tried to get up, clutching my sides, but fell over onto a rack of G.I. JOES, rousing a new wave of laughter._

"That one was MY favorite!" Rosalie said laughing like a maniac. Emmett and I just laughed at how I fell on the rack of G.I. Joes.

…_.He threw himself onto the Slip N' Slide, flying across the floor. But he didn't stop at the end. He flew across the Wal-Mart and into an Isle shelf, knocking the whole thing over. He got up, and the employees were standing over him. "We have been watching you! The Police are on their way!!" A dorky looking man yelled. But before he could finish, Jasper was gone._

"HAHA! The entire Isle fell over!" Emmet bellowed.

…_.."I dare you to egg Newton's house!" Jasper said, laughing. I think we were just trying to have fun right now, so we aren't doing embarrassing dares. But it was most likely just trying to get back me back for the whole 'going to jail' joke. "AWESOME!" I said, grinning.  
"Emmett, you are so going to get caught!" Bella laughed, apparently seeing the double meaning in Jasper's dare.  
"No way, Bella!" I replied.  
"Emmett, how could you NOT get caught? LOOK at you!!" She shrieked, bursting into giggles. I picked up the closest thing I could find—a lamp—and threw it at her, forgetting she was breakable. Crap. Jasper casually reached out and caught it before it hit her.  
"What the HELL, Emmett!!!" jasper yelled, his voice raising 2 octaves.  
"Did Emmett just try to kill me?" Bella whispered, frozen in shock.  
"oops. I FORGOT SHE WAS HUMAN!" I yelled to match Jasper's yell.  
"How the hell does THAT happen?!" Jasper yelled back. "God, you don't even realize how dead you are when Edward get's back…"_

We all turned to look at Edward. I don't think I've ever seen him look so furious. He sat me up then ran over and started beating and cussing at Emmett again. "EMMETT!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! YOU ALMOST KILLED HER! SO HOW MANY TIMES DOES THAT MAKE IT?!!? HOW COULD YOU FORGET SHE WAS HUMAN?! YOU IDIOT!!!" Jasper and Alice had to pull him off Emmett while Jasper sent calming waves towards Edward. He sat back down, glaring at Emmett.

_Emmett started throwing the eggs so fast, the entire house—but Mike's side—was done in about 30 seconds. The whole thing looked like an exploded chicken coop. Then he took on a human pace as he pelted Mike's side of the house._

_All of a sudden, Mike's window flew open, and he leaned out. Just when he was opening his mouth to speak, an egg exploded right in his face. Jasper and I laughed so hard, I let my arm go that was keeping my hold on Jasper, to clutch my sides. Jasper was holding my legs around his waist, so my upper body flew towards the ground, and I lay hanging from my legs. This brought on another wave of laughter._

_I righted myself in time to catch the look on Mike's face with the camera. He wiped the egg off his face in time to see Emmett, "CULLEN! THAT'S IT!!" as Mike was speaking, the police arrived. Luckily, Jasper and I were hidden. We saw the police handcuff Emmett, then we took off running, hearing Emmett shout, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPERS!!" in the background._

This made Edward laugh, a lot. Then he composed himself into a smile, and he looked at me and stroked my face. "That was rather funny the way you fell off of Jasper." He said chuckling. " I could barely breath." I said laughing.

_…"I was right! Emmett got caught! Haha SUCKAA!!" then I shoved the camera into Jasper's laughing face…_

Edward and Alice started laughing, while Emmett glared at me. "Dude, you don't have glaring rights, I'm still blue, remember?" I said, laughing at the end. "Hmph" he said and we all laughed.

… _Jasper took his slow time filling out the forms, then slid them through with a larger grin…_

_The next thing we heard was Emmett wailing, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREE!!!" He screamed so loud they could probably hear him in Canada. I laughed. "But it's only been five minutes!!" The cop replied nervous, as if on the verge of crying. Probably from fear of the murderous look on Emmett's face right now._

_The next thing we heard was another cop say, "You made bail." While unlocking a cell. Footsteps started towards us. Emmett emerged, jumping up and down, while the cop attempted to unlock his handcuffs. Eventually he gave up. It was a hilarious site. Jasper and I broke down laughing. Emmett stopped jumping.  
"What?!" he said.  
"Emmett, you need to stop jumping so the guy can take off your handcuffs." I replied, laughing again.  
"oh." He said, as he turned to look at the tired-looking cop. The cop unlocked his handcuffs and we walked out of the police station. Jasper turned our hidden video camera on Emmett, "Emmett McCarty Cullen, what do you have to say for yourself?!" Jasper asked in a reporter tone.  
"GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!" Emmett screamed like one of those Celebrities trying to escape the paparazzi._

Everyone burst out giggling, I the loudest. "Emmett, you looked like a 6 year old jumping up and down…" Alice said laughing. "Look who's talking" Emmett said, grinning. A frown crossed her face.

…"_Ok, I dare you to—"  
"But I didn't even choose yet!" I cut him off. A grin appeared on his face and he raised his eyebrows. "Fine—go ahead." Everyone knew there was no chance in hell I would choose truth and be subjected to their questions.  
"I dare you to—" he was cut off this time by my phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID. "Edward" I said as I flipped open the phone. "hell—" I was cut off by a boulder smashing into me. "BELLA,NO!" It hurt, a lot. I flew across the room and into a wall. I let out a scream as the wind was knocked out of me. My vision blurred as I faded into the darkness._

Edward had that look on his face again as he was about to get up, and this time, really kill Emmett."Stay with me." I whispered, my lips to his smooth ear. "Emmett, how could you do that?!! Even if I was calling about all this?! I would just end up coming home, anyways. What did throwing Bella into wall do for anything?!" he demanded, not taking his eyes off mine.  
"I'm not sure…"

…"_uhhh…..hello?" Emmett said, nervous for his life.  
"I HEARD THE CRASH. WHAT HAPPENED TO BELLA? TELL ME NOW!" Edward yelled into the tiny phone.  
"SHE FLEW INTO A WALL." Emmett screamed back, just to be louder than Edward.  
"SHE WHAT?!! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!!"…_

…"_Bella?" I kept my eyes closed.  
"Oh CRAP! I'm dead!" The Angel was silent for a moment,  
"What?" my angel asked.  
"You're my angel, right?" he let out a chuckle, then whispered, "Bella, open your eyes." I did as he said. Jasper was standing over me, smiling, holding my cell phone to my ear. "Oh." I breathed, and Emmett erupted into laughter.  
'Sorry, love, but I'm not that kind of angel." Edward said. Why didn't he believe himself good?  
"You are exactly that kind of angel." I said, smiling. Jasper went rigid in his chair. _

They were all laughing, and I turned tomato-red. "I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I heard your voice." I whispered into his shoulder.__

"Bella, all your lust is killing me here!" he yelled, which, of course, Edward heard and started laughing.  
"Are you ok, love?" he asked after he stopped laughing.  
"umm, my head hurts, a lot. But I don't think anything SERIOUS……I'm fine." I tacked on at the end after looking at Jasper's and Emmett's disapproving faces….

"I know you were hurt" Edward said to me, "Why didn't you tell me? You should have."  
"I was just soar. Nothing bad. I promise, I would tell you if it were serious."

…"_OK! New dare—" he said changing the subject. I cut him off, "One that doesn't involve me dieing." Jasper snickered while Emmett continued, "I dare you to dress sexy and go to a bar, get drunk, and see how many guys' phone numbers you can get." My mouth was hanging open, and I don't even know for how long. I sat wide-eyed in embarrassment, just from HEARING the dare. But then I composed myself, "And WHAT exactly am I suppose to wear?!"  
"I think I can help with that." A soprano voice came from the doorway. It was the voice of a devil. It was the voice of evil.  
It was the voice of Alice._

Edward looked pissed again. So I reached up and kissed his jaw to keep him from attacking Emmett. "YOU. GOT. HER. DRUNK?!" Edward said slowly.  
"YEA! IT WAS HILARIOUS!" Emmett boomed, laughing hysterically. Rose slapped him in the back of the head.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The End

"_what are YOU doing here? No girls allowed!!" Emmett is such and idiot.  
"umm, Emmett?" I said raising an eyebrow.  
"WHAT! Oh….sorry Bells." He said laughing.  
"I had a vision, and if Bella is getting dressed up, it's going to be by me!"  
"umm, what does everyone know?" Jasper asked.  
"As you can see, my clothes are muddy, "now that she mentioned it, I looked at her clothes. They were completely covered in mud. "and I will NOT go anywhere without nice clothes,"—typical Alice—"And I came back here to change."_

"Emmett, you're an idiot." Rosalie hissed in reply to his comment about girls. Carlisle, Esme, and Edward all turned to Alice; "You knew about all of this?!" They all said in synchronization. She rubbed the back of her head with a smile on her face, "maaaayyyybe…" she replied. Edward growled.

_After 6 drinks, and too many of Emmett's and Jasper's jokes, I was drunk. Time to begin phase two. Oh, look, here comes a guy. "Hey babe, how you doin'?" he asked._

Edward growled. I kissed hi palm to reassure him.__

"GRRRRRREAT! Can I haves yo numba?" I sounded like Tony the Tiger. Half of it came out like mush. But he seemed to understand, because he handed me a piece of paper. I walked away. The whole night went like this, with many perverted guys hitting on me. I was almost finished, when I saw a sleezy-looking guy sitting at a table in the corner. Everything screamed 'DANGER' about this, but I was incoherent. I walked over and sat on top of his table. "Can I haves your numba?" I asked for the 23_rd__ time tonight. He looked taken back. Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were busy at the bar and weren't paying attention.  
"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" he asked, grabbing my arm roughly. Oww.  
"Where am I going?" I asked, too drunk to protest.  
"Oh, somewhere over the rainbow…"  
"OKAY! I loveee rainbows! And gold! OOH! AND LEPRACHAUNS! And green…." I was rambling on when he grabbed my arm, for the second time, not caring if he hurt me, and dragged me out of the bar. I kicked and screamed "Batman! BATMANN!!! Help me!" he was towing me to a car. In a fraction of a second, my vampires were there. Alice took me while Emmett and Jasper took care of the weirdo._

Edward stood up, almost knocking me to the floor. He headed to the door. "Where do you think you're going?!" Carlisle asked.  
"To find that guy so I can destroy him."  
"Edward, sit back down, he's taken care of." Emmett said, rolling his eyes. "Edward studied his mind for a moment before sitting back down. He looked at me and stroked my cheek.

"_THE cow goes MOO!" Then there was a thump. "OWW! THE WINDOW HIT ME!!" I cracked up laughing. We should do this more often….I'm sure I have some drugs somewhere…..  
"No, Emmett!" stupid, future-seeing, vampire.  
"fine! Ruin the fun…" we arrived at the house. Bella opened her door she was leaning on, and fell out of the car, onto the ground. I laughed so hard, no one has ever been this fun.  
"THE GROUND HIT MEE!! OME! It's a CON-SPIRE-ETSY!"  
"Bella, I think you mean 'conspiracy'" Alice said, laughing. Bella attempted to walk into the house, tripping over the flat ground. She walked inside and we heard a crash, "ALLI! THE WALLS ARE IN ON IT TOO!" She yelled, and Jasper and I cracked up again._

Everyone was laughing hysterically, even Edward. I was blushing furiously and hid my face in his chest. "don't worry, Bella, it was cute." He said kissing my hair.  
"And, Emmett, If you ever drug her, you will be missing a limb." He added casually.

…"_Dare." Jasper said, while turning off the game. I smiled. I just thought of a good one.  
"I dare you to go to school, and paint the pool blue…oh, and with your name on it!"…_

"So that's where this all starts." Edward said, motioning towards my blue skin.

…"_I'll go find some paint!" Emmett yelled over his shoulder, running towards the garage. He came back with a bunch of cans. "got it! Let's go!" he said, grinning…._

_I painted about half the area around the pool, and wrote my name, "Jasper Fucking Hale". Mind as well make the most of it. I was finishing, when Emmett started imitating Bella from when she was drunk. Bella got angry, very angry. Her anger was through the roof. I decided to step in, I sent a large wave of calm over her as she advanced towards Emmett. But it didn't have the effect I wanted. She feinted, and I ran over to catch her before she hit the ground. Crap._

"_HAHA JASPER!" Emmett bellowed, "YOU KILLED HER!"  
"I sent her a wave of calm, and she feinted!" I said, worried, "What do we do?"  
"I have an idea!" Emmett yelled. Oh, no, not one of those again. Emmett grabbed her and threw her into the shallow end of the pool.  
"EMMETT! SHE COULD DIE!!!!" I was just about to jump in after her, but then, she swam to the top, gasping for air.  
"BAH!....can't……breathe…….HELP!" She gasped between breathes. But Emmett and I were frozen, not understanding what had just happened. Then, I looked to the side of the pool, where an open can lay on it's side, that was emptied into the pool. The last can Emmett had grabbed was dye._

"Emmett, you are officially an idiot, and are going to be missing some of your possessions tomorrow…" Edward said, closing his eyes, trying to stay calm.

…_. "Emmett, you idiot, the last can you grabbed was DYE!!" He said, hitting Emmett in the back of the head. What were they talking about?  
"Huh?" I asked, confused. Emmett started laughing again.  
"Bella, look down." He chuckled. I did as he said, and saw my skin._

_In Africa: EEMMMMMMMMMEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Everyone was silent, then burst out laughing. They all looked at me. "I have never seen you so mad in all my life." Edward whispered in my ear. "You know, Bella, I could hear you all the way from where we were hunting….that's why we came home."  
"Oh." I breathed.

"_Emmett. YOU. ARE. DEAD!!" I screamed, grabbing an aluminum baseball bat that was laying next to a bin of equipment. I ran up to him, and raised the bat. "Bella, come on, put down the bat." He said, raising his hand as if to take it from me.  
Yeah, right.  
"Jasper, a little help?" Emmett said, looking worried.  
"No way, man, She's too angry. There is nothing I can do, but watch and laugh!" Jasper said, laughing._

_I swung the bat and it hit Emmett's head. "OWW! That actually hurt a little!" he whined, rubbing his head. I swung again, this time aiming for his stomach. He ran away. I chased after him, at human speed, but so fast that they were actually shocked. Surprisingly, I didn't trip once._

They all erupted into more laughter. "That's my girl." Edward said, laughing.

_There were several gasps then, and laughter. I was too angry to notice. The thing that caught my attention, and stopped me from beating Emmett with the bat, was an agry gasp that sounded like velvet. I came out of my anger to notice the rest of the Cullens, standing, watching our show with varying expressions; Alice looked bored; Rosalie looked hysterical; Esme looked surprised; Carlisle looked embarrassed at his son; and Edward. Edward looked furious, but amused at me beating Emmett with a bat._

_Then Edward appeared in front of Emmett, screaming in his face, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO BELLA?!!?!"_

"_I uhhh…..accidentally turned her blue?" he said like it was a question._

"_EEEMMMMMMMMMMEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" It was Edward's turn. Edward was screaming and throwing things at Emmett, while chasing him out of the parking lot.  
I jumped on Jasper's back as he hopped the fence. We all walked down the halls to the parking lot, when _

_Rosalie froze, mid-step. She turned on her heel to face a poster with bright pink marker on it._

_On Pluto: "EEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"_

"WOW" was all anyone could say between laughter. "Umm, how do I get this dye off?"

For once, no one had anything to say.


	13. Running from Alice

**Disclaimer: Do I own Twilight? Nope. Do I own Alice? Nope. Do I own Bella and the rest of the Cullens? Nope. Do I own the tree? YUP!**

Bella's POV:

It had been a week since the whole 'Truth or Dare' incident, and finally, I'm not blue anymore. It took a whole week and a whole LOT of bleach, soap, and lemon juice. I'm sitting in my room, working on my homework. Edward had to leave and will be back in a little while.

"RING! RING! RING!" my cell phone went off in my backpack. I jumped off my bed and dug through my backpack until I found the tiny silver cell phone.

"Hello?" I asked, not bothering to look at the caller ID. I didn't want to miss a call.  
"Bella!" Edward said sounding relieved. What the heck was up?  
"Yes, Edward. What's wrong?" I said, now a little anxious.  
"Alice is on her way over there to kidnap you to go shopping!" He said. Oh, no. Normal people would say, 'Shopping? What's the big deal?', but with Alice, it's like a fan girl meeting Robert Pattinson. Once we had to _drag_ her away from a sale in Victoria's Secret.

"Bella?" Edward asked. I snapped out of my daydream.  
"Oh shit." I said, throwing my coat and shoes on. I ran out the door with Edward still on the phone.  
"What are you doing?" Edward asked, obviously hearing my heavy breathing and the noise from running.  
"I'm trying to escape!!" I yelled, as if it were obvious. I mean, come on, wouldn't anyone else do the same?

"Bella, you can't out run Alice." Edward said, chuckling. I ignored him and I continued to run further, running into the woods.  
"EEEP!" I yelped tripping over a root and falling.  
"BELLA! ARE YOU OK?!" Edward yelled into the phone I had dropped. I got up and grabbed it and kept running.  
"Yea, I just tripped." I ran about a mile, tripping and stumbling along the way. If you're wondering why Edward didn't come save me, it was because no one knows better than Edward not to get in the way of Alice and taking me shopping. Last time his Volvo almost took the tole.

I stopped at a huge red wood tree that was split at the bottom, making a tiny hole in the hollow trunk, just big enough for me to squeeze through. Edward was still on the phone.

"Where are you?" he asked, nervous about the whole thing.  
"I'm hiding in the hollow trunk of a tree."  
"Bella, this isn't such a good idea…"  
"Edward, I'll be fi—" I was cut off by a noise coming from outside the tree. It sounded like twigs snapping. I kept quiet, Edward was quiet too.

The tree split open, revealing a demon-y Alice.

Emmett's POV:

We were all huddled around the phone, which was on speaker, listening to Bella. She was on the run from Alice. Which, was impossible.

Everything was quiet. Then we heard a massive ripping noise. Bella screamed, and obviously started running again.

"EMMETT! I'm leaving you my Spice girls collection—"  
"YESS!" I screamed happily. Edward scowled at me. "WHAT! IF SHE'S GONNA DIE…." I yelled, Edward slapped me in the back of the head, you might call it being bitch-slapped. HAHA! I GOT BITCH SLAPPED!

Then we heard a crashing noise, probably the phone dropping, knowing Bella's clumsiness.  
"Bella, what am I going to do with you? You didn't ACTUALLY think you could outrun a psychic vampire, did you?" we faintly heard Alice say in the background. Damn, she sounded scary. Even for a vampire.

We heard screams and a slopping noise. What the heck? "NOOOOOO!!! YOU'LLNEVERTAKEME ALIVEE!!!" Bella screamed, growing farther and farther away., then a loud "AHHHHHHHH!!!!" that sounded like it belonged to a horror movie.

"HAHA! WOOT!" I yelled, laughing. Edward slapped me again.

About 5 minutes later Alice came in dragging Bella, who was still trying to run in the other direction, COMPLETELY covered in dripping-wet, MUD. She had leaves and twigs all over her. I erupted into laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! BELLA YOU LOOK LIKE A HALF-DROWNED CAT!!!!" I screamed. Everyone, including Edward, was laughing.

"At least I don't look like a half-eaten BEAR!!!" she screamed, then ran up the stairs. Edward broke out into total laughter. Well, this is what happens when you try to run from Alice.

**A/N: I hope you guys liked it. I don't think it's as funny, I suppose. It was just something I thought of and instantly typed down. I'm working on the next chapter of funny misadventures. I've decided to do both truth and dares, and funny misadventures.**


	14. Oh Cookies

**Disclaimer: I ONLY OWN THE COOKIES!!! ….hehehe….**

**Please do not make these cookies!**

Chapter 14: Oh Cookies.

It's Saturday, and everyone has once again gone hunting, leaving me with Jasper and Emmett. Will they ever learn? Jasper was somewhere upstairs. Emmett approached me, smiling.

"Hey Bella! Why don't we—"

"No." I cut him off, not wanting to hear another one of his grand ideas.

"But you didn't even hear my idea!"

"I don't care. Your last grand idea turned me blue."

"Ok… Then how 'bout we—"

"no."

"But what if—"

"no."

"BELLA! WHY DON'T WE MAKE COOKIES!!!" Emmett screamed so loud there was no way I could NOT hear him.

"BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN EAT COOKIES!!" I yelled back, trying to be louder. Why would EMMETT, want to make COOKIES?

"Yea, but I've always wanted to make some!" This couldn't hurt, right? I mean, what could go wrong with making cookies?

boy, was I wrong.

Emmett's POV:

YES! we're making cookies! BOOYAHH!

"AWEsome!" I yelled, grinning. I followed her into the kitchen. Luckily, Esme keeps this place stocked with almost every item from the store. She grabbed some funny-looking, white, powdery stuff. She also took out what I knew was sugar, and some icky-yellow, stick, and some eggs. She mixed everything together in a big bowl.

"Here, Emmett, take this spoon and keep stirring. I'm going to go grab something in Edward's room." She said, as she exited the room. This stuff smelled horrible. I picked up the spoon and tasted it. "EEWWW!" I yelled, spitting it out. Hmmm. Maybe it needed more sugar? I picked up the bag and poured the whole thing in. I stirred it in and tasted it. Still gross. What do humans usually like? I GOT IT! I went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle of whisky and poured it in. I also grabbed some Butterfingers and Oreos from the pantry, crushed them and tossed them in. It still needed something….but what? THAT'S IT! I zoomed up to my room and found the one thing that will make the cookies perfect.

Drugs.

Bella's POV:

I walked back down to the kitchen to find a gleeful-looking Emmett bouncing up and down.

"Ok, Emmett, take balls of doe and squish them onto that pan about 2 inches apart. Then put the pan in the oven." He did as I said, and tossed the pan in the oven.

We waited about 20 minutes until I pulled them out. I won't let Emmett handle the hot pan since vampires are flammable.

"YAY!!" Emmett squealed. I rolled my eyes.

"Try some, Bella!" What could it hurt? I knew what was in it, I did mix the ingredients. I picked up a cookie, and took a bite.

Emmett's POV:

Bella loooooved the cookies I made. She ate every one of them, then she was thirsty. I grabbed some coffee and whisky and mixed them. I know I read this somewhere…..but I don't remember how much whisky to use….oh well. I poured the whole thing in and handed it to Bella. She drank it all in 5 minutes. Jasper walked downstairs, taking in Bella's expression. Oh, this should be good.

"EMMETT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!" but then he lost all concentration. Bella was drugged, drunk, and on a caffeine and sugar high, and her emotions of silliness were affecting Jasper, causing him to act "drunk" too. Huh. I guess it only affects him when it's this severe.

Jasper and Bella started skipping around the living room re-enacting Charlie the Unicorn.

Bella: "Charlieeeee"

Jasper: "Let's go to Candy Mountain Charlieeeee"

Then there was a loud thump, I turned to see Bella had run into a wall, and she was just standing there, her face on the wall. Then she started banging her head against the wall,

"CHARLIEEEEE! THERE'S A BOULDER IN THE WAYYY!!!!" She screamed. Jasper ran up and punched the wall, causing it to collapse. I burst into laughter.

"Oh, SHIT Jasper, Esme's gonna KILL YOU!!" I bellowed.

"OHMAIGAWD Jasper, a…………FAINTING GOAT!!"

"GASP!" Jasper yelled, pointing out the window.

"uhhh…..that's a squirrel." I said, cracking up.

Bella turned back to the BLANK wall, "OH!! MY SHADOW!!" She yelled, pointing at the blank wall.

Good thing I was filming this.

Then Bella skipped out the door.

"The TREEEES are dancing!" She squealed. I ran outside, to stop dead in my tracks. Bella was standing in front of Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle.

Oh shit.

"AHHHHHHHH! VAMPIRES!!" She screamed, then ran behind me.

"EMMETT, what did you do?!" Edward said, exasperated, and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I challenged him. I mean, Bella looked normal right now compared to 5 minutes ago.

"Because she doesn't usually run from vampires…..and hide behind one in the process." Ohhh, he got me there.

"Uhhhh—" Then Jasper came running outside, a piece of paper rolled into a unicorn horn, taped to his head. He galloped around us in circles pretending to be a horse.

"neighhh!" he squealed, then he ran back inside. Everyone stood frozen, eyes wide. Then Alice ran after him yelling, "WAIT! JASPER! THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH THAT HORN!!!"

Edward hit his forehead with his palm.

"What did you DO?!!" Edward yelled in disbelievement.

"Wellll….we were making cookies….."

"YOU DIDN'T!" Edward gasped, apparently seeing what happened in my mind.

"I thought it would taste better if I added things humans seamed to like…."I trailed off, looking at his furious face.

"SO YOU GOT HER DRUNK, HIGH, AND ON A COFFEE AND SUGAR RUSH?!!!?!!!" He screamed.

By this time Bella had run back into the house screaming, "OHH NOO! IT'S A MAGICAL LEOPPLURODON CHARLIEEE!"

Rose walked over and slapped me in the back of the head. "YOU IDIOT!"

Edward looked so mad, his skin might of turned red. I took the opportunity to laugh,

"SHE IS HILARIOUS WHEN SHE'S INTOXICATED! I MEAN AND THEN HER EMOTIONS AFFECTED JASPER—"

That was it, Edward blew.

Antarctica:

Random guy again: LOOK! PENG—"

Echo:

EEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosalie's POV:

Edward disappeared and the next thing we hear were crashes from upstairs. Emmett dashed into the house, and we heard him scream, "NOOOOO! NOT MY SPICE GIRLS COLLECTION!!!"

I turned to the shocked Carlisle and Esme, "Well, if you don't mind me, I'm going to go tear Emmett's jeep apart—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett screamed.

I smiled as I skipped off to the garage, hearing Bella in the background, "JAZZY! LOOK! EMMIE'S ROOM IS FULL OF CONFETTI!!"

**A/N: I hope you guys liked it! I loved the part with Alice! I thought I'd add the 'EMMMEETTTT!' part as like, a trademark of the story. I'm almost done with the next chapter! It's SUPERR funny! BTW, does anyone know how to spell disbelievement? it ALWAYS says it's incorrect! but then I search for it, and it doesn't say how to spell it!! ANYWAYS, seriously, please, NO ONE MAKE THE COOKIES!**


	15. Discussions and Alien Abductions

**Disclaimer: NO I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! NOR THE ANNOYING BARKING DOG NEXT DOOR!!**

**WARNING: This one is a little crazy. it's suppose to be a little OOC. but REALLY funny!**

Chapter 16: Discussions and Alien Abductions

When, oh WHEN, will they STOP LEAVING ME WITH EMMETT?! this time Jasper has gone with them, so I refuse to do anything but watch movies in the Cullen's living room. We were watching Star Wars.

"So, Bella…..who's your favorite Jedi?" Emmett asked.

"Annakin." I replied, staring at the screen.

"OHMAIGAWD! NOOO!" He yelled. I turned to look at him,

"He's sooooooo CUTE!" I said.

"LOOK BEYOND THE CUTENESS!!" He yelled, "HE KILLED BABIES!!!!" there was a moment of silence, then he continued, "…..so you like that in a man, HUH?!" I cracked up laughing. He was crazy.

Then the Volturi came through the new Floo Powder system Emmett installed in the fireplace:

Emmett: AHHHHH! What do you want?

Aro: We have come for a very important thing and we will not leave without it! It is so important that we even brought the wives with us!

Caius: Can we borrow a cup of sugar?

Aro: I'm making vampire smiley face cookies!

Emmett: Sorry I'm all out.

Aro: YOU WILL DIE!

Caius whips out his cool silver lighter, clicks it, but no flame. He clicks it again, nothing.

Aro: Damn. Let's go.

They leave through the fireplace. "You just HAD to have a Floo Powder system…." I said, shaking my head.

"How else was I suppose to meet Harry Potter?"

"Emmett…..MEET him? YOU ATTACKED HIM!" I shivered, remembering when Emmett dragged us to Hogwarts to meet Harry Potter. Emmett freaked out, and attacked him. Ron had to have his brothers help him get Emmett off Harry….with magic.

"Awww, Bella, don't be like that!"

"Oh…how about the time when we all went to the mall, and we went into Sephora, and you tried on all of the make-up, and went around asking people if they needed help with anything in a gay voice? one of your many pathetic plans that exploded when they kicked us out."

"I WAS APPLYING FOR A JOB THERE!!"

"……Or the time when we went to the movies, and you went to get me some popcorn, and decided to make your own, and put too many kernels in, and the snack bar exploded!"

"But there was no popcorn!"

"…..or, OR!! How 'bout the time when we went to that pet store and you stuffed all those animals in your clothes, claiming you were going to 'SET THEM FREE!'"

"Hey! That was NOT pathetic!"

"Emmett…..you had salamanders in your pockets."

"SO!"

I shook my head and returned to watching the movie.

""So…..who's YOUR favorite Jedi?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the screen.

"YODA!" he replied excitedly.

"But…..he's all green, and wrinkly."

"GREEN AND WRINKLY THINGS ARE COOL, BELLA, COOL!!" The movie ended and I went to search for another one.

"HEY! LET'S WATCH MUFASSA GET EATEN BY DEER!" Emmett yelled. I grabbed The Lion King and put it in. About 1 minute after it started, Emmett got up and walked away.

"You know, you have the attention span of a goldfish." I said, turning to him. He stopped and turned to me, "What?"

"Goldfish have a 3 second attention span," I said as he came to sit back down. "Maybe you have vampire A.D.D.!"

"Well, at least I don't have OED!" he yelled

"OED?"

"OBSESSIVE EDWARD DISSORDER!!!" Oh, no, he did NOT.

"AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE OHSWRIEPPD!!"

"What?"

"OBSESSIVE HAVE SEX WITH ROSE IN EVERY PLACE POSSIBLE DISSORDER!!"

"OHHHH BURNN!!" Emmett said sarcastically. Stupid, mocking, vampire.

"Would you like some ice for that burn?" I said with a triumphant smile.

"Would you like a round of applause?" Emmett said, beating my remark.

"This is getting no where." I said, turning back to the TV. After about 3 minutes of silence, his huge grin returned.

"LET'S PLAY YU-GI-OH CARDS!!" What? What was WRONG with this boy?

"Did your mom drop you on your head when you were little?"

"How can I remember?"

"Pokémon is way better."

"NO FLIPPIN WAYY!"

"I WANT TO BE, THE VERYYY BEST! THAT NO ONE EVER WAS!....." I started yell-singing.

"YOUR MOVE! YU-GI-OH! IT'S TIME TO du-du-du-du-dududududududuel!"

Then, we hear from outside, "EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES, YEA EVERYBODY HAS THOSE DAYS!!"

"WHO INVITED NEWTON?!!" Emmett screamed.

"Uhhh……I was just leaving….." he said, running away. Emmett and I started laughing hysterically.

"Let's go to THE JUNGLE!!" he yelled after a minute of silence.

"Emmett, you're an idiot."

"Dude, The Jungle has BALL PITS!!" I swear, he must be a 5 year old in that body.

'I'll be right back….." he said, getting up and walking towards the garage. A couple of minutes later I heard a crash, and the sound of a hubcap rolling on the ground. I thought about getting up to investigate, but I didn't care enough to help him. About a minute later, everyone walked in, returning from their hunting trip. All of their eyes were back to a beautiful light gold, almost butterscotch.

"Hello, love." Edward said, his lips on the back of my neck, his arms rapping around me. Then, Emmett walked in, whistling off-key.

"Emmett…..why are you singing 'Oops, I did it Again' by Brittney Spears, in your head?!" Edward asked suspiciously.

"Emmett, what did you do?!" Rosalie demanded. A nervous look appeared on his face. She looked from him, to the garage, and back again, then ran into the garage.

*Madagascar*

Random guy again: Hey, a tre—"

Echo:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I turned to Edward, "I swear, that random guy must know who Emmett is by now." We walked out to the garage, to see a multitude of things.

First, A HUGE stand had fallen over……..onto Rosalie's BMW. It fell on the front end, shattering the windshield, and completely denting the hood. And there was that missing hubcap, lying on the ground.

The next thing we saw was some rope and duct tape…..lying on the ground. What the hell? The last thing we saw, and possibly the best, was Rosalie, chasing Emmett with a whip.

Edward, Alice, Jasper and I were in hysterics as we walked back into the house. After 2 hours of torture, a very bruised Emmett and a smug-looking Rosalie waltzed into the house.

"Care to explain your pathetic plan, Emmett?" I asked, an 'I-told-you-so' look on my face and in my words.

"SHUT UP!" He yelled, as he grabbed the closest thing to him to throw at me. LOOK AT THAT! It's that same lamp! He raised it, about to throw it, when Edward dashed over to him and kneed him in the gut. He fell onto the ground clutching his stomach. "OWWW!" after a couple seconds, he stood up and explained.

"Well, I went to go get some duct tape and rope so I could kidnap you and take you to The Jungle…."- I looked next to me to see Edward rolling his eyes-"…when I saw this really pretty, shiny thing under the stand-shelf thingy! I grabbed it….and KA-BOOM!" What. An. Idiot.

"Emmett, could you be more stupid?!" Alice yelled.

"Hey, at least I didn't do anything to Bella this time!!"

Everyone stared at him, with blank looks on their faces. Then everyone walked out of the room, muttering something about "Alien abductions", leaving Emmett standing alone.

"What did I do?"

**A/N: I hoped you guys like it. It was suppose to be a little crazy. The part about the Volturi and vampire cookies I do not own. twilightisawesomex3 wrote it. They just let me borrow it :] thanks! also, THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS!!! they make me soooooo happy and inspired to write more!!! If you guys have any ideas or requests just let me know!!**


	16. OHHH BURNNNN!

**Disclaimer:**

**Random person: HEY! You're writing something about Twilight, so does that mean you own Twilight?**

**Me: DO I FUCKIN LOOK LIKE STEPHANIE MEYER?!**

**A/N: ok, back to a little more story-telling note. I was a little sugar high when I wrote that last one. I hope I didn't lose any readers because they thought it was too OOC! So, this adventure might take a couple chapters. I'm trying to fit in all the Cullens. Don't worry though; there will be PLENTY of Emmett-sized mischief!**

Chapter 16 PREVIEW:

I woke in Edward's arms. "Hello, beautiful." He said kissing me on the cheek.  
"5 more minutes…." I whined. I really did NOT want to get up today. I felt like I had stayed up all night reading one of those really good books, and not getting to sleep until 4 in the morning, only to wake up at 6:30. **(A/N: Twilight anyone? Lol)**

"Bella….we are going to be late." Edward chuckled. I sighed as I threw the covers off of me and got up. I felt around in the dark until I found some clean clothes and grabbed a towel.

"Charlie?" I asked as I was about to leave my bedroom to take a shower.  
"He left a little while ago. I'll be back, love." He said as he kissed the top of my head, and left through my window to change into some clean clothes and get the Volvo. The warm water felt good on my back, and my shampoo smelled sweetly of strawberries. I gathered my things and ran downstairs, smiling. I had a strong feeling today was going to be a funny day. I headed out the door and threw myself into the Volvo.

"Feeling more optimistic than earlier?" he grinned, picking up on my happy state.  
"I just have a feeling today will be interesting." We arrived at the school, plenty of time for me to go to my rarely used locker. I knew I had thrown a book in there for English class…

Edward walked to his locker as well. I found my locker, the second to last at the end of the isle. The hallway was crowded. I spun the combination on the dial, when I heard a familiar, and horrific voice. I turned to my right, to see Mike walking towards me. He walked over and stretched his arm out, to lean against the last locker, but missed, and fell to the ground. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle which I covered up with a cough after seeing his expression.

"So…Bella," he said as he got up. I was searching through my locker for that damn book! Why couldn't I find it? I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HERE!! I mentally screamed. "I was just thinking about that time when you romantically snuck through my window and made out with me…and I was thinking if you wanted to do it again sometime…" I froze. His hand was on me, traveling down my back, and rested on my butt. I cringed away from the contact. The next thing I heard was my savior, once again.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR HAND ON MY GIRLFRIEND'S ASS?!!!" Edward yelled. Everyone in the crowded hall turned to look at Edward, then Mike. Mike was frozen with shock and embarrassment. I continued to cringe away from his hand with a face of disgust. Was he crazy? Edward stormed over to Mike, grabbed him by the collar and threw him against the locker.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Newton!?!?" Edward yelled in his face. Mike finally worked up the courage to reply back. And that was the stupidest thing he could do.  
"HEY, buddy, SHE kissed ME!" this sent Edward on a rampage. His face went dark, his expression murderous. He truly did look like a vampire. By now, everyone in the entire school was gathered, including the rest of the Cullens. They looked on with grins on their faces, especially Emmett. Who was idiotically chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" until Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head.

"It was a DARE! In a game of truth or DARE! She would never voluntarily kiss you, you idiot. When will you learn that she doesn't love you?!" Edward said in a cool, calm, and most menacing voice I have ever heard. But Mike couldn't get out a single syllable.  
"So…I'll warn you one last time. Stay. Away. From. My. Bella!!!" Edward dropped Mike, and he scrambled to get to his feet before running away. All of the Cullens erupted into cheers and whoops, while the rest of the students just laughed at Mike's state. I couldn't keep myself from laughing. I had been nice to Mike up until now, but now he pushed the envelope and it burst.

And this was just the beginning of possibly the funniest day I have ever had.

**A/N: yea, so it will get funnier, I promise. I wanted to be more detailed with the beginning. And I was DIEING to write something about Mike getting' told by Edward.**


	17. Laughing, Smoke, and Insults

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I WILL RULE THE WORLD!! STARTING WITH OWNING TWILIGHT!!**

**Alice: Well, you're not going to get very far….**

**Me: How about the characters?**

**Alice: I do not see that in your future.**

**Me: *mumbles* stupid, future-seeing vampire…**

**Alice: ex-CUSE MEE?!**

**Me: What? I didn't say anything….**

**A/N: I forgot to mention, this is still in Eclipse. But we are pretending all of the Cullens are seniors, okie-dokie? KTHNXBAI**

Chapter 17: Laughing, Smoke, and Insults

**Emmett's POV**:

Wow. Alice told us there was going to be something funny going down at school today, but little Eddie, almost snapping? I never would of thought. I wished that something more would of happened though. Man, Newton deserves another fist in the face for even going NEAR my little sister after all of this. Hmmm…maybe more WILL happen today? She did say TODAY, not THIS MORNING. Maybe I could even set Newton up….One more thing, and Edward will blow…uh-oh. I quickly pushed that thought out of my mind before Edward could catch it. Haha. This was going to be fun. But first, I think I'll start today with trying to irritate Eddie.

**Edward's POV:**

I can't believe he would even go NEAR Bella, let alone place his slimy hand on her rear end, after everything that's happened recently. But then I tuned into his thoughts; he was remembering that night of the dare.

_Bella kissed me back…right? But it was a DARE! His brothers came in and took her away because they wanted her with Cullen. So our love is kind of forbidden, like Romeo & Juliet! Wow, I'm cooool!_

I was furious. He thought he had a relationship with Bella, MY Bella, MY Juliet. No, she was much more than my Juliet, she was my life. And he _touched_ her. It took, every OUNCE of control I had not to kill him right then and there. Bella and I made our way to our seats in English. The teacher started his lecture. And that was when I heard it;

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!_

Someone started singing in their head. What the hell?

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!  
I've got this feeling, so appealing!  
For us to get together and sing. Sing!_

You have. GOT. To be kidding me. What MORON would be singing this song?

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone!_

That's when I recognized the voice. EMMETT! I'm going to kill him. He's all the way across campus, in class, singing in his head to ANNOY ME! The song switched, and he started singing High School FREAKIN' Musical!!

_Get'cha, Get'cha head in the game, ya gotta get'cha get'cha get'cha get'cha head in the game!_

He. Is. Going. To PAY! I stirred in my seat, and Bella looked at me with a confused expression. She took out a piece of paper and scribbled across it, then shoved it at me;

**What's wrong?**

I took the paper and scrawled my reply, and handed it to her.

**Emmett is singing in his head from across the school.**

She let out a loud laugh, forgetting about the class. The teacher stopped his lecture, and everyone was silent, staring at Bella. She realized this, and her face turned red. I had to hide my smile.  
"Is there something you would like to share with the class, Miss Swan?"  
"erm, no." She replied, blushing even deeper. My smile only grew, and I couldn't cover it.  
"Well, then, perhaps you could think it over in detention, Swan, Cullen." Aww crap. At least we'd be there together.  
"BUT—" She gave up and hit her head against the top of her desk. I try to keep her out of harm's way every day, and she seems to be the most danger to herself. She left her head on the top of the desk, and I reached over and patted her hair while the teacher continued his speech.

**Bella's POV**:

It was SO unfair! I only let out a small laugh, and I get DETENTION! God only knows what made him give one to Edward. It was unfair even more to Edward, but I think he didn't care because we would be together.

We were walking to our next class when we saw the smoke. We were the only ones there at the time, being late for our next class. We walked down the deserted hallway, to find Emmett and a bunch of fireworks.

"Oh, hey Ed-weirdo!" Emmett turned to look at Edward, his face covered with black smoke. "Wanna see what happens when I drink gasoline then eat a match? Dude it's so cool!" He said as he took a swig of gasoline.

"No Emmett! put that match—"

BOOM!

"—down." Edward finished as a piece of Emmett's arm fell on his head.

"Dude! I should be on Jackass or something!" Emmett yelled as his arm quickly crawled back over and reattached itself. I let out a small scream from where I was hiding behind Edward, who was now covered in black dust. Emmett burst out laughing looking at Edward's face. He looked like he had worked overtime at some job. Then Edward scooped me up and ran around the corner of the building.

"EMMETT MCCARTEY CULLEN! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?!!" we heard the principal yell. Uh-oh, Emmett.  
"Uhhh….testing the laws of physics?"  
"Detention, after school. And give me those fireworks! You're lucky I don't have you suspended!" He yelled as he confiscated Emmett's fireworks. I couldn't control my laughter. It was just too hilarious. ANOTHER one of Emmett's ideas!! The 3 of us in detention.

We made our way to class and sat down. Edward was trying to get the black dust off. I helped him get it off his face. Luckily the teacher hadn't come in the classroom yet, but everyone was staring with confused expressions. I didn't need Jasper to tell me what they were feeling.

**Alice POV**:

My eyes glazed over as I had another vision;

"_No Emmett! put that match—"_

_BOOM!_

"—_down." Edward finished as a piece of Emmett's arm fell on his head._

"_Dude! I should be on Jackass or something!" Emmett yelled_

The vision ended, and I was brought back to the quiet classroom of students reading. I burst into laughter, not caring if people thought I was weird. This was too funny. Jasper was sitting next to me, and tried to send calming waves to me, but they didn't help much.

"Ms. Cullen, do your work." The teacher snapped at me. What was this teacher's problem, anyways? She always acted like she had something up her—

Jasper interrupted my rant, "What did you see?" he asked anxiously. I just had to tell him.  
"Emmett playing with matches and gasoline in the hallway." I whispered, but forgot to keep it low. The teacher saw me talking.

"MS. CULLEN! Do your WORK!" she snapped.  
"WHY?!!" I screamed back at her. Why is she such a—  
"Don't talk to me like that!" she shot back. I jumped on top of the desk,  
"I CAN TALK TO ANYONE HOWEVER I WANT TO! I'M ALICE MARY BRANDON CULLEN! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ANYWAYS, LADY?!!?"  
"Ms. Cullen, DETENTION!" I grabbed my stuff and stormed out of the room. I heard Jasper back in the classroom, "umm, Ms. Dea, may I be excused? I think I had better….."  
"JUST GO!" She snapped. How DARE she yell at MY Jasper like THAT?!!? I stormed back into the classroom and met jasper at the door, "DON'T TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT YOU OLD—" Jasper picked me up and swung me on his shoulder. He brought me out to the quad while I shouted insults at her the whole way. That was when we saw Emmett, doing what he does best.

**A/N: I hoped you guys like it! I'm having a LOT of fun with this! What do you think Emmett is doing? Why is everyone getting detentions? THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You guys are awesome! BTW, does anyone know Rosalie's middle name?**


	18. WHO'S FAULT!

**Disclaimer:**

**Alice: SOOOOO how's that world domination thing goin'?**

**Me: Well, I took over my fishbowl, and my backyard. But still not Twilight!**

**Alice: I see you taking over this fanfic….**

**Me: that, I can live with!!**

Chapter 18:

Jasper POV:

I carried Alice out to the quad to find Emmett, SPRAY-PAINTING Rosalie's name on the lockers. It was in big, bright-pink letters, and printed "ROSALIE HALE: I OWN YOU!". We were staring with huge smiles on our faces, about to burst into laughter, when Edward and Bella walked up, with the same reaction. We all burst into laughter. It was too much. After 10 minutes, we caught our breathe and made our way over to Edward and Bella.

"What are you two doing our of class?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"Bella didn't feel so well after having to watch Emmett's arm crawl and re-attach itself…" Edward said, on the verge of laughter. I don't blame him.  
"What about you…?" Bella asked, obviously pointing out that we were not in class as well. I went through the series of events in my head, thinking of where to start, then Edward burst into laughter. He told Bella and she fell to the ground rolling around clutching her sides, laughing too hard.  
"You….told…..offf……TEACHER!!" She squealed with laughter. I laughed too. Alice just shook her head furiously and looked like she was about to take off for the classroom again.

Emmett finally walked over to us. No one questioned him about himself not being in class, as it was a regular thing. Emmett got bored quick. Then the bell rang, and the quad was swarmed with students hurrying to get a good spot in line in the cafeteria for lunch. Rosalie walked out, and at the same time, so did the principal.

"ROSALIE HALE!!! WHAT IS THIS?!?!!!" he screamed, pointing to the temporary spray paint graffiti on the lockers.  
"What's wha—" she was cut off as she turned around. A furious look appeared on her face, worse than when the posters were hung. Worse than when he got me drunk/high/sugar/coffee fixed, and way, wayyyy worse, than when her BMW was hurt. She looked, like a vampire.

France:

Random guy again: HEY! Look! The Eiffel Tow—"

Echo:

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random guy: not again. I can never finish a sentence…

**Rosalie's POV:**

How COULD he?!!?! 'ROSALIE HALE: I OWN YOU'??! WTF! He make it look like 1. I'm such a SLUT or a PROSTITUTE and 2. THAT I DID IT!!!

"Sir, I can assure you I DID NOT do that!!!" I said in the calmest voice I could manage, which wasn't much. The principal turned back to the writing. I heard Edward chuckle.

_He's thinking perverted things about me, isn't he?_ I asked him in my mind. He nodded. Gross.

"Ms. Hale, I'm not convinced. You can join your 'boyfriend' in detention afterschool." He said as he stormed off. WHAT?! DETENTION?!! I have MUCH better things to do than sit around afterschool with a bunch of weird kids in a classroom. At least I won't be the only Cullen in there…

"Well, Rose, Welcome to the Breakfast Club!" Alice chirped. What was she talking about?  
"We all have detention today….except Jasper." Edward answered my unspoken question. I raised my eyebrow. He sighed then answered,  
"Well, first period Emmett was singing the 'Banana Phone' song in his head, it annoyed me, Bella slipped me a note, I told her, she let out a laugh, got in trouble. I smiled at how she blushed, so he thought we were doing something, gave us both detention. On our way to our next class, we were late, we saw Emmett playing with gasoline and matches….principal caught him, detention. And Alice…..Alice had a vision of Emmett, burst out laughing, and she got into a yelling/insult match with the teacher before Jasper dragged her out…."

"And here we are." Bella finished as we all walked into the cafeteria. We all sat down at our table that everyone knew to stay away from. Bella always sat with us, of course. I really was starting to like her. I looked passed all of that jealousy I felt and I found that she is a great sister.

"Emmett, I am going to KILL you when we get home. Why did you set me up?" I spit between my teeth.  
"Well, I wasn't actually trying to set you up…..I meant that I owned YOU! But then I didn't want to interfere with your little conversation with the principal…." A fierce growl rumbled in my chest as I hit him in the back of the head. AGAIN**.(A/N: let's just call it Emmett-smacked!)**

**Emmett's POV**:

OWW! Why do they always have to hit me? I wrote her name all pretty!

Oh well. The first bell rang signaling we had 5 minutes until class started. I had the next class with Ed-weirdo and Bella. We walked to her locker again, and Edward went into our classroom that was literally right next to Bella's locker. I stood talking to Bella when I smelled him: Newton. Time to begin phase two!

Mike walked by, and made it ALLL too easy. He was staring at Bella's body. I looked at him and yelled, "MIKE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING CHECKING OUT BELLA!?!?!" he stuttered, and Edward ran out of the classroom in no time. Mike started running down the hall, but obviously Edward was faster. He caught him by the shirt and flung him backwards. Mike flew a good five feet. I cracked up laughing. Bella was laughing too, surprisingly. Edward walked over to Newton, picked him up again by the collar. Newton was actually whimpering, but then he turned brave. Uh-oh. Bad mistake. We always called it his 'Mike senses'. He stepped back, raised his fist, about to strike, but Edward pulled back his arm and slammed it into Mike's nose. Ouch!Mike flew back into the lockers, denting them.

Edward, Bella, and I walked into class as we heard the principal walk up, "NEWTON!! What's going on?!!?!"  
"Edward Cullen beat me up!" he cried like a 5 year old. We laughed.  
"Yea, right—like that sweet boy would do that. You damaged the lockers! DETENTION!!" wow, I didn't think that COULD happen. I laughed hysterically as we took our seats.

**Edward's POV:**

I about tore the wall down when I hear Emmett say Mike was checking Bella out. He was sizing her up? FOR WHAT!? He will NEVER be with her!! It felt awesome to punch him, I even broke his nose. He deserved it.

My thoughts were interrupted in the middle of class by none other than Jasper.

**Jasper's POV:**

U.S. History? I rock at it. Especially the Civil War. Which, was what we were talking about, but in the view point of the North. This teacher was crazy! He was totally against the South!

"WHAT is it you have against the SOUTH?!!" I accidentally said outloud. Shit.  
Mr. Harrison turned to me, with a face of understanding. Waves of hate were rolling off of him as he looked at me.  
"Mr. Hale, the South wanted slavery. It was discrimination!" What? He is out of his MIND!  
"THERE IS DESCRIMINATION EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK!!! The south were fighting for a better government!" I yelled, getting out of my seat.

", SIT DOWN!! I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT! You are the student!"  
"I WAS THERE!!" I screamed. Everyone went quiet, and stared at me.  
"I mean, my grandfather was there!"  
"I thought you were adopted?!" someone yelled in the back.  
"Carlisle's dad, duh!"  
"Mr. Hale, the South were bad."  
"NO THEY WEREN'T!!" I screamed as I stood on my desk, and started singing the Confederate song. Who did this guy think he was?  
"MR. HALE, DETENTION!!" I jumped off the desk, "fine." I said as I grabbed my stuff and the bell rang.

**Edward's POV:**

I read all of this in Jasper's mind, and cracked up laughing. Bella turned to me in confusion. The class was chatting, then the bell rang.

"It seems that we all have detention now," I said laughing again. A look of horror crossed Bella's face.  
"Jasper?" I nodded.  
"What happened?" she asked, now smiling.  
"VERYYY similar to what happened with Alice, except, it was over Confederates vs. Yankees in U.S. History." She burst out laughing. Bella, of all the people in our family, thought how Jasper was so loyal to the Confederates, was the funniest. A look of thought crossed her face. What was she thinking NOW?

"Have you noticed, that the couples' all got detention similarly?" she asked as we walked ot the detention room.  
"I'm not following you."  
"Well, I got it, because I laughed, and you….smiled. Alice and Jasper got it because they talked back to the teachers and made a scene in class. And Emmett and Rosalie got it for….well, I guess you could say violating the law." She had a strong point, now that I thought about it. It was true.

We reached the room, and we saw everyone outside. They all started laughing when they saw Jasper. I guess Alice clued everyone else in.

"I don't know what came over me." Jasper said, embarrassed.  
"I do." Emmett said, "It was my fault. In fact, It's my fault all of you guys are in here."

**A/N: I hope you guys liked it! So, Emmett's at fault? The next chapter is about detention! PLEASE REVIEW THE OTHER CHAPTER TOO! I posted this one right after the other one, I hope I get reviews on both! :]**


	19. Ya Digg?

**Disclaimer:**

**Jacob: WATTT'CHA doooooooooooin'?  
Me: Trying to take over Twilight.  
Jacob: Me and the Fireside Girls can help!  
Me: REALLY?  
Jacob: nope.  
Me: damn. Will you stay for cookies?  
Jacob: Sure, sure. Wait……they're not Emmett's, right?  
Me: nope *grins evilly*  
Jacob: OK!  
*15 minutes later*  
Jacob: OHMAIGAWSHNESS! THOSE WERES DA BESTEST COOKIES EVE—*falls off second story of the house***

**MORAL: It's funny until Jacob get's hurt……..then it's hilarious. Oh, and never trust me when I make cookies…..hehehe….ok now back to the story….**

Chapter 18: Ya digg?

**Jasper's POV:**

"Emmett…what did you do?!" I sighed, I am reallllyyy getting sick of this.  
"Welllll…." Emmett started. "This morning I had the thought that I REALLLYY wanted to get back at Newton for everything he's done to Edward and Bella."—Wow, that's really sweet.—"And I knew Alice had talked about today being interesting. So I decided to rattle Eddie first" Edward growled at the nickname Emmett occasionally uses for him. He HATED IT. "I sung Banana Phone and HSM in my head, which he told Bella, and she laughed, not realizing there were other students. She blushed, Edward smiled, they got detention. I played with gasoline and matches, that got me in here. Alice had a VISION of me playing with gasoline and matches, which she laughed, and that started the argument between her and the teach. I spray painted Rosalie's name on the lockers, they thought she did it, landing her in here. And Jasper…..poor, little, Confederate Jasper. I was angry in the class next to Jasper's, because Some dudes were talking about Rosalie! So I got VERY angry. That's why Jasper exploded in class….."

**Bella's POV:**

I couldn't believe this. Emmett managed to land everyone in detention today, because of his IDIOTNESS!

"Emmett…..you DO realize we had a conversation about this? ABOUT YOUR PATHETIC PLANS! Yea, once again you prove me right. We are all going to be in there because of YOU." I said, venom leaking into my voice. I was pissed. In fact, I was WAYYYY beyond pissed. I must have looked and sounded angry because as I spit out the last word, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper all leaned away from me as if I towered above them. It pleased me to know I could have that effect on vampires…I skipped back to Edward.

"And she calls ME a little monster…." I heard Alice say behind me. I smiled. But now I had to face reality.

I can't believe I'm walking through the door to DETENTION! ME! Isabella Marie Swan….DETENTION! I thought those two things would never be in the same sentence. I took Edward's outstretched hand as we walked through the doors into my worst nightmare.

"Bella, what are you scared about?" Jasper whispered, as we sat in the very back. I forgot he could feel my fear, so now I felt embarrassed. This was just an stupid fear I had.

"It's just—an irrational fear I have—" I started, trying my best to explain it—"like, people and spiders—"  
"PSHHH! Who's afraid of SPIDERS?!" Emmett cut me off.  
"Umm…..you are." Rosalie said, laughing.  
"NO I'M NOT!"  
"Emmett……there's a spider on your back." I said.  
"WHERE?! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!!" he jumped up screaming and running around like a little girl. Jasper and Rosalie gave me a high-five.  
"JUST KIDDING!" I yelled, as I crossed my legs in my seat. He sat back down, looking embarrassed.  
"As I was saying……I watched a lot of movies and shows when I was little, and all these other girls in middle school used to tell me how BAD it was…not that I would know…." I trailed off. Edward grabbed my hand and pressed his lips to my ear, "Bella, there is literally nothing to worry about. All you do is sit here for an hour." What? Really? Great. Now I felt ridiculous.

"Oh." I breathed, unable to speak more than a whisper because Edward's lips were trailing along my jaw. He was just so mesmerizing, I couldn't think about anything other than his cool, stone lips on my skin.

Everyone exchanged a look, and started laughing at my trance-like state. I noticed Jasper feeling a little uncomfortable in his chair. Edward pulled away and chuckled.

"Oops, sorry, Jasper." I said, a little embarrassed. _Great, now everyone knows how you are feeling,_ I thought to myself. Rosalie caught onto my blush and interjected, "Don't worry about everyone knowing your feelings, Bella, we can definitely tell without Jasper's assistance. By the way your heart rate stutters, your breathing accelerates and is uneven, the look in your eyes, and the way you are unable to talk, I think we get it loud and clear the effect Edward has on you." Edward let out a laugh, and my blush deepened. I hid my face in my sleeve, which made Emmett laugh hysterically.

The other students had entered the room by then, a while ago actually. They had caught look of Edward and I, and were staring. But, the worst part, was that the other students weren't just any kids. They were Jessica, Lauren, and Mike. Just freakin' fantastic. Jasper must of sent me a wave of calm, because all my worries disappeared.

The teacher walked in, or should I say Principal. "No talking, I don't want to hear ONE WORD. And do not move an inch. I will be in the room next door." He warned us before walking out.

"OHE YEAH, IT'S ALSO MY FAULT MIKE, LAUREN, AND JESSICA ARE IN HERE TOO!" Emmett boomed, laughing. All three of them turned around to glare at Emmett. But all of the Cullens burst out laughing.  
"Emmett, what happened?" I got out after I was done laughing.  
"Wellllll……Mike dented the lockers because I yelled to Edward he was checking Bella out, and Edward beat the crap out of him"—we all looked over to Mike's now bandaged nose, they were listening to us—"Jessica….well......during class I wrote a note making fun of the teacher, and signed it by Jessica. Yea, the teacher found it….and Lauren. AWW, Lauren. I stole the teacher's wallet and threw it in her bag. It was rather funny" We all cracked up laughing. Lauren and Jessica looked like they were about to blow. after a couple minutes we finally stopped laughing.

Edward leaned back in to me, kissing my cheek, then my forehead, my nose, and finally my lips. We broke off as we heard Emmett, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT NEWTON!!" We turned to see Mike staring at us. EEWW. Edward laughed, and returned to kissing me. He broke off again, this time a low growl coming from his chest. "What is it?" I asked, looking around. I looked over and saw Jessica and Lauren staring at us and whispering. This made me angry. The most angry I've been all day. Even angrier than when I was yelling at Emmett and minute ago. I knew exactly the things they were saying , _she's not pretty enough, she's boring, she doesn't deserve him, he left her once he should do it again. _I got up and walked directly over to Lauren and Jessica. In fact, I COULD hear them. And those were the exact things they were saying.

"IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD MIND MY OWN BUISNESS! EDWARD IS **MINE,** NOT YOURS, AND HE WILL NEVER **BE**YOURS, SO YOU CAN GO GET OVER YOUR LITTLE FANTASIES ABOUT HIM THAT KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT, HE'S NOT LEAVING ME, APPARENTLY I'M PRETTY **ENOUGH**, AND, IF HE WANTED EITHER OF YOU, HE WOULD BE WITH YOU BY NOW. SO STAY AWAY, AND SHUT THE HELL UP. YA DIGG?" I let out my rant, then noticed Jasper standing next to me. He spoke to them,  
"YOUS BEIN STUPID SILLAYY LIL' GURLSS, GEHT OVAA YA SELVESS SWEETHEARTSS AND TRY GO AFTA A MAN THAT ACTUALLAYY LIKES YA, FO SHIZZLE? THAT'S RIIIIGHTT, I WENT THURR!" Jasper said, in a gay-voice, and snapping in a 'Z' formation. That was it. Everyone cracked up laughing. The most **ALL DAY. **I and Jasper the loudest. Jasper and I gave a high five-slide-fist and went to sit back down.

I sat in Edward's lap and he whispered in my ear, "NOW, you were PURELY terrifying, you actually had ROSALIE cowering in her seat…not kidding." I turned to look at her, and she gave me a little smile. I grinned and turned back to Edward, "being around scary vampires for so long is starting to have an effect on me." I said as his lips were on my neck. "Well, that was very vampire-ish." He chuckled. "and VERY amusing to watch. You won't have to worry about Jessica and Lauren anymore."

I giggled, then I turned to see Emmett start to grin wildly. I could almost see the light bulb turn on in his head. Here goes another Em-idea….

**A/N: what do you guys think? Do you LIKE IT? Are you SUUUUURE? lol. So, what do you think Emmett's idea will be? Because I'm not sure…..anyone have any ideas? At first I thought truth or dare, but there's not much they CAN do in this situation. Oh, and I just HAD to have Bella tell Lauren and Jessica off. I wish she would of done that in the book. THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! More reviews makes me inspired to write more! No joke! They do! They make me HAPPY! Like…. JASPER-just-sent-me-a-wave-of-happiness, HAPPY! :]**


	20. DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!

**Disclaimer:**

***I kidnap Bella*  
Edward: Where is Bella?  
Me: Don't worry about it.  
Edward: *RAWWWRR*  
Me: Now, now, aren't we being a little hasty? Give me Twilight….  
*Edward chases after me*  
Me: IT'S ALICE'S FAULT!! SHE TOOK HER TO L.A. TO GO SHOPPING!!**

**A/N: I realize there are some people telling me Bella is a little OOC. I realize this, I'm just trying to tang it up a little bit. Remember, Emmett is driving Bella INSANE, so she is going to react to that somehow, right?**

Chapter 20: DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!

"Ooohhhh no…." I said, glaring at Emmett. Everyone turned to stare at him. "Edward what is he thinking?" I whispered, not taking my eyes off Emmett's maniac smile.  
"I don't know, he's blocking his thoughts with 'I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves'" Edward whispered back, uneasy. Then Emmett let out a LOUD, booming laugh, that sent Mike, Lauren, and Jessica launching into the air. We all knew it was coming, so we weren't startled. The next thing we knew, Emmett pulled out a basket—out of thin air—filled with cookies. HIS cookies. Oh, shit.

My eyes about popped out of my head as I ran over across the room and hid behind the teacher's desk. Edward sighed, exasperated.  
"Bella, please come out from under the desk."  
"NO WAY, JOSE!" I yelled, and snuck a glance at Mike, Lauren, and Jessica. Mike was confused, Lauren looked disgusted, and Jessica looked—well, like she was trying to find some good gossip in this.  
"Well, then I'll just have to come get you." He said, getting up and striding over to where I hid. He kneeled down, and stared at me with his beautiful, golden eyes. He was dazzling me again. I felt like I couldn't think or breath, and forgot about Emmett. He's such a cheater.

"That's not going to work, cheater." I said, smiling at him.  
"Don't make me use force, Bella…."  
"You. Wouldn't. Dare." His smile grew, and he leaned closer to whisper in my ear, "They aren't for YOU…" what? The cookies weren't for me? Then wh—oh. HAHA. I'm sure I looked like an idiot right now grinning wildly. He reached his hand out and I took it, coming up from under the desk. We walked back over to the excited Alice, and grinning Emmett.

"Bella, you hurt my feelings. Don't you trust me??" Emmett pouted. I turned to face him with a wicked scowl.  
"Well, that answers your question, Emmett." Rosalie laughed. Emmett frowned. Then he got up, carrying the basket, and literally skipped over to Mike, Lauren, and Jessica. We all let out a laugh.  
"My dear friends, would you like some cookies? I made them myself—" Emmett said in his most girly voice. We all laughed. Mike looked like he wanted a cookie, but not sure whether Jessica and Lauren would ok it. Jessica and Lauren looked at them with disgust. "Here, I'll even eat one myself so you can see—" he picked one up and took a huge bite, then swallowed. I turned to Edward with huge eyes.

"Vampires don't react to that stuff…" he whispered. I turned back in time to see Mike, Lauren, and Jessica all take cookies. They took bites, and their eyes seem to pop out of their heads. They started devouring the cookies. Emmett left the basket their and skipped back to us. Mike was finishing the last cookie when the principal walked in, to stare at a wasted Mike, jazzed Jessica, and crazy Lauren.

"You…may all…..leave…." the principal said, staring at the three, with a confused expression.  
"PRINCE-I-PAL! YOUR HEAD IS ON BACKWARDSS!" Lauren yelled, while Jessica sat up-side-down in her chair, "NOOO Laur-Laur, it's UP-SIDE-DOWN!!!" we all cracked up laughing, then I remembered something. I turned to look at a crazy looking Jasper.

"We need to get him OUTTA HERE!" I hissed at Emmett. Jasper was taking in a breath to speak, when Emmett grabbed him and tossed him on his shoulder. The Principal turned to face us, "What is going on here?" he asked, eyeing Emmett suspiciously.  
"Uhhh….I have no clue! Zip! NADA!....EDWARD! GRAB HER! RUN!!" He yelled after seeing the look on the principal's face. Edward scooped me up, and we zipped out to the parking lot. They all jumped in the Volvo, but Alice. Alice went with me in my truck. We were going to drop it off at Charlie's. Then we caught site of the Principal running outside.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" Emmett yelled, and we took off. I drove my normal pace of 55 mph, with Edward driving behind me, and Emmett in the front seat. I looked in the rear view mirror to see Edward sigh at my slow pace. When I was almost to Charlie's, Emmett started banging his head against the dashboard. Alice and I laughed the rest of the way, thinking about the funniest day I had ever had.**(A/N: UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER! MUWAHAHA!)**

**A/N: ok, I know, short chapter, sorry guys. BUT, I made it short so I could start on their TOTALLY AWESOMENESS NEXT ADVENTURE! It's, like, wayyyy awesome. NEXT CHAPTER! Remember, reviews! Also, thanks so much for the cookie idea, meagancullen!**

**And here is a review I just HAD to post on here! Thank you so much!:**

_OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!  
wow! i only just found this story, and i just had 2 stay up last night  
reading! i ACTUALLY laughed out loud!! about every 2 mins! i absolutely LOVED  
jasper in that last bit!! i can SO imagine him doin that! you should help  
stephanie meyer out a bit, sometimes her stuff get a bit heavy... and needs  
lightening up a bit! there shud b more stuff like this in the actual books!_

JoJoRox


	21. The Case

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: hmmm.. 110 ways to annoy Edward Cullen, so He'll let me own Twilight….  
√1. Write him love poems. Sign them from Jacob.  
√2. Roll in glitter. Run around saying, "Look at me! I'm Edward! I'm Edward!"  
√3. Mail him a llama. When he asks why, say, "Why not?"  
√4. Shine a bright light in his face. Say, "Darn it, you didn't go all sparkly."  
√5. Make Bella wear a Team Jacob shirt….  
Edward: *ehemm* I'm standing right here.  
Me: So….does this mean I win?  
Edward: most definitely not.**

Chapter 21: The Case

**Emmett's POV:**

I knew EXACTLY what we are going to do today….now I just have to block my mind from Eddie boy while I can make my plan and gather my ninja-weapons….hehehehe…

"EMMETT!!!" Edward yelled. Shit. Busted. "STOP LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!" Phew. No one knows….yet.

**Bella's POV:**

Well, yesterday was definitely interesting. After running from the principal, I guess we basically got it down that we are in major trouble on Monday. Oh well, I'm innocent at least. Can't say the same for Emmett…_speaking of Emmett, what is he up to today? _I thought as I walked on the front lawn of the Cullen mansion. Alice greeted me outside.

"Hiya Bella!" she bounced happily. For a second I wondered what she would be like if she were on a sugar rush…but then I quickly pushed that thought out of my mind. I have had enough nightmares to last me a life time.

"Hey, Alice. What's going on?….has Emmett done anything stupid yet?" I asked, rolling my eyes at the mention of 'stupid' and 'Emmett'.  
"Well, not much. And as for Emmett, he's actually been really go—" But Alice was interrupted as a computer screen that had been tossed out the window landed right in front of us. And then half of a table.

We stared at the table in silence, wondering what had just happened, and if we really wanted to know. Then, for the first time, in like, the HISTORY of the world, I heard Jasper:

*Rain Forest*

Random guy again: LOOK! a FLYING SQUIRREL!!……YEA! I FINALLY FINISHED A SEN—

Echo:  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"That was your guys' computer screen, wasn't it?" I asked Alice. She nodded and smiled. She smiled at any opportunity to shop, even if it's to replace things….  
"Well, now that you're here, we can get started!" Alice chirped. Here we go again.  
"With what, might I ask?" I squinted my eyes at her bouncing figure, suspiciously.  
"It's a surprise. Emmett's ide—"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO WAYYYY!" I yelled before she could even come CLOSE to finishing that sentence.  
"Bella, don't worry. It's nothing like THAT……like I was saying, it was Emmett's idea, and I had a vision….everything works out great, I saw it…well, I didn't see the OUTCOME, outcome, but I saw that nothing bad will happen. I don't want to cheat…." she babbled on. "But anyways, Emmett and I have been working really hard to keep our minds from Edward. Like I said, it's a surprise."

I hated when the words 'Emmett' and 'Surprise' are used in the same sentence. It's usually stands for disaster. As we walked in the door, Edward was behind me in an instant, "Hello, love" he said, his lips to my ear, his arms around my waste. I turned around to meet his lips. He kissed me passionately, His cool lips against mine. But he pulled away all-too-quick as Emmett came running down the stairs, and scooped me into a giant hug.

"EMMETT!....can't….BREATH!" I gasped.  
"It would be pretty idiotic to kill her in a hug, since Edward has put so much work in keeping her alive. But imagine the headlines: _Bella Swan, 18, Killed by boyfriend's brother giving her a hug._" Rosalie said, laughing. Emmett boomed with laughter as he let go of me. Edward laughed, too.

"Well, Alice, Emmett, we are all here, what is it you are going to have us do?"Edward asked, impatiently.  
"We are having aaa…….murder mystery party!" Alice sang, jumping up and down on Emmett's shoulders. Well, this won't be too bad. I always loved mysteries. This might actually be fun, as long as no one cheats….  
"Wait, Alice, how do you plan on doing this? With Edward reading minds, and you seeing the future…."  
"I have carefully refrained from seeing part of THAT future. Edward, on the other hand….well let's just say that he won't be able to figure it out…." that made no sense, whatsoever. I gave her a quizzical look, but she just waved it off with her hand.

She whipped out a bunch of pieces of paper. She handed one to each of us, "Here are your parts, do not say them yet. Each of you will get dressed in the outfits I have picked out for you—" I cut her off with a loud "AARRGGHH!". She gave me an evil smile, "All of your clothes are on your beds. I trust you to wear them CORRECTLY—" She eyed Emmett, who was grinning like a mad man. "—Come on, Bella, clearly I will need to help you." She said as she grabbed my arm and pulled me up the stairs into her huge bathroom. She applied my makeup, then fixed my hair in large, spiral curls. She gave me a beautiful white dress to wear, that flowed down to my feet. I actually loved it, and the make-over. She could tell, because her smile was completely smug.

"I know, I know….I'm amazing." She said as she opened the door.  
"Totally." I agreed as we walked downstairs. The sight I saw was hilarious.

Everyone was dressed in olden day clothes, a look that fit them well, but just that I wasn't use too. Well, they had to wear these clothes one decade, right? I saw Edward and laughed. He looked like a total gentlemen, in his fancy clothes. Emmett came down with a camera. He snapped a ton of shots at Edward.  
"I am going to murder you, Emmett," Edward said. Emmett doesn't stop taking pictures, and when Edward lunges at him, he tossed the camera to Alice.  
"You know" she says conversationally, " I think Bella should be the one to hold on to this." She says as she tosses the camera to me. I smiled wickedly. Edward wouldn't dare attack me.

He turns to me, his beautiful golden eyes smoldering, "Give me the camera, Bella," he whispers in my ear. I felt my resolve weaken, but I really wanted to see these pictures developed, I quickly devised a full-proof plan.

I shoved the camera down the bodice of my dress. Edward's eyes about popped out of his head in shock. We all know he's not going in there.

Carlisle walks in, looks at me with a camera-shaped lump in my dress, and walks off muttering, "I don't want to know."

Everybody fell into chairs in hysterics. "Sorry, Edward, I just really want to see these pictures." I said once we calmed down, with the help of Jasper of course.

"Ok, whoever wins gets FULL CONTROL for a week. Of everything. No ifs, ands, or buts."  
"I'm so going to win this thing," I said. I have been to one of these things before, and I'm really good at solving mysteries.  
"Oh, I don't think so, sweetheart," Edward turned to me, "Solving mysteries was born in my blood."  
"Yea, which you no longer have…" I replied, smug.  
"OOOOOOOOOHHH! BURNN!" everyone said, laughing. This was funny, Edward and I have never been competitive about anything before.  
"You'll see, princess," he replied, whispering, his lips to my ear, "Try not to get too distracted." He chuckled, a musical sound in my ear. I froze under his touch. Damn, he was right. Well, I just had to stay away from him during this.  
"You're on, Mr. Perfect."

Let the games begin.

**A/N: what do you guys think? Yea, so there is some way Edward can't read minds to find out who it is. Don't ask, I couldn't think of anything. Just use your imagination. Next chapter has the information on the game. I'm not sure if I want Carlisle and Esme to play….what do you guys think? I NEED IDEAS OF HOW TO WRITE A MYSTERY PARTY CASE! I have been to one, but it was long ago. So if anyone has ANY ideas of how to write THE CASE, PLEASE personal message me! Thanks!**


	22. WHOA, BUDDY!

**Disclaimer:**

***Rings doorbell at Jacob's house*  
Me: So…..Jacob, why do you turn into a bigass dog?  
Jacob: it's called a **_**wherewolf!  
**_**Me:……….a bigass dog…..  
Jacob: is there something you wanted? *stands in doorway impatiently*  
Me: Yea, as a matter-of-fact, TWILIGHT!  
Jacob: nope.  
Me: Then can I own your bigass dog powers?  
Jacob: IT'S CALLED A WHEREWOLF! AND NO YOU CAN NOT! *slams door in my face*  
Me: whatever. Vampires are cooler anyways.**

Chapter 22: WHOA, BUDDY!

**Bella's POV:**

This is totally awesome! I'm so going to beat Mr. Perfect! Alice started jumping up and down again. What is with this girl? It's like she's on cocaine 24/7.

"OK! Everyone read out-loud your parts now!" Alice squeaked. Just then Carlisle and Esme walked in the room, dressed, and holding their cards.  
"I am Professor Carlisle Cullen, and I am a very rich Professor, who's parents recently died and left their fortune to me, along with their estate." Carlisle announced, smiling. Alice had invented the names, but not the plot.  
"I am Mrs. Esme Cullen, and I am married to Professor Carlisle Cullen." Esme said with her beautiful smile.  
"I am Ms. Marie Walcraft, and I am a close family friend of Professor Carlisle. I have strong feelings for Prof. Carlisle." I said without hesitation. Who said I can't act?  
"I am Mr. Edward Masen, and I am a 'Bad Boy', and have an 'eye' for Ms. Marie Walcraft." Edward said, flashing his glorious crooked smile at me, and winked. My heart stopped, and stuttered, and he let out a laugh. I frowned and turned away from him, causing him to laugh harder.  
"I am Ms. Mary Brandon, and I am the sister of Professor Carlisle." Alice chirped, still bouncing up and down on Emmett's shoulders.  
"I am Mr. Casey Smooth, known as 'Mr. Smooth', and I am Esme's brother, and do not get along with Professor Cullen." Jasper said, embarrassed. We knew why. We all cracked up laughing at the name Alice picked out for him.  
"I am……."Emmett started, then squinted at his card, "Mr. Kellan Lutz?! WTF kinda name is THAT!" we all burst out laughing. It was hilarious.  
"I am Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz, and I am married to Mr. Kellan Lutz." Rosalie said, holding back laughter. Aphrodite? The goddess of love? I guess it fit her well.

"RULES!" Alice yelled before everyone got ahead of themselves, "HUMAN PACE! A NORMAL human pace, for Bella's sake please. NO CHEATING IN ANY WAY! Except, it is allowable to dazzle other people…" She trailed off, giving me a an evil smile out of the corner of her eye. What? Is EVERYONE against me? "Only Carlisle and the person guilty of the crime know who's done it. Carlisle set up the house with evidence. Once evidence has been picked up by someone, it is theirs to hold onto, unless they willfully hand it over, and they only have to share their clues with you if they chose too. I set up a 'Finish Line' over there, the first person to cross it gets to give their hypothesis, with supporting evidence. So, in other words, Emmett, you can't just go cross it and keep guessing until you get it right. You have to have reason behind each guess." Alice said slowly, like Emmett was a toddler. He frowned and we all laughed. "OK! LET'S START!"Alice squealed with excitement. Emmett pulled out something shiny……tin foil? A tin foil hat?

"Emmett….what is that?" Edward asked, suspiciously.  
"IT'S TO KEEP YOU OUT OF MY MIND!!!" Emmett screamed in his face. We all laughed hysterically. Edward reached over and grabbed it off of his head. Alice resumed the game.

"The setting is January 28th, 1978. The place is Professor Carlisle Cullen's mansion, celebrating his victory grand promotion and his wealth. There is a dinner party to be held. Everyone is off in different places at the time, when a scream is heard from the kitchen…." Alice announced in a creepy, announcer voice. She trailed off as we heard a scream from our kitchen. We all hurried in to find Carlisle laying on the floor, looking very dead. He didn't even have to TRY. There was a wine glass in his clasped hand. Esme was next to him, clutching his other hand, pretending to cry. Man, she was a good actress. Let the games begin.

I walked over to the other side of Carlisle and picked up the glass with a rag from the counter.  
"Evidence." I said, smiling smug at Edward. This was just tooooo easy. But I quickly took that back as Edward walked over to me, smiling. He leaned down, and pressed his lips to my jaw. He trailed his nose along my jaw, then down my neck, and back. Then he whispered in my ear, "Give me the glass, Bella." His voice was purely alluring. It was the most seductive voice I have ever heard him use, and it stunned me. He pulled away and looked into my eyes, the beautiful golden color smoldering. I felt my resolve weaken to nothing. I absent-mindedly raised the glass, and he took it, and whirled away. I snapped out of my trance. He hypnotized me!

"HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!" I yelled as everyone was in hysterics. Even Carlisle, who was suppose to stay dead on the floor through the game, couldn't hold back his laughter. "HE HYPNOTIZED ME! ALICE!!! THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOME RULE ABOUT THAT!" I screamed as I followed the most smug looking Edward into the living room. Just then, everyone split up, leaving me alone with Edward. "HEY, BUDDY!" I yelled. He whirled around to face me, an glint of desire in his eye, and I could clearly see the mocking glint in there, too.

**Edward's POV:**

I can't believe she fell for it. For a second I thought I was laying it on too thick when her heart stopped beating. How could I have that affect on her? It pleased me greatly to know that I did. My ego was large at this moment as I turned to face her, mock clearly expressed on my face. Her anger was the most funny thing I had ever seen, she looked like a hoard of angry kittens.

"Yes?" I asked her, grinning.  
"YOU. CHEATED." She let out through her clenched teeth.  
"The rules clearly state that dazzling was allowed, and you voluntarily handed me the glass." I said, waving it in the air.  
"OOOOhh, you are going to be SO sorry when I win this, Mr. Masen. Can we say 'goodbye' to safety measures?" She gleamed evilly. Horror crossed my face as she spoke. Does she not realize those boundary lines we formed are there to keep her ALIVE? She could die. I will not lose her again, and this time it would be at my hands. I won't let that happen.

"Bella…" I growled. She knew better.  
"Yes, Mr. Masen?" She teased, spinning around and heading towards the library. So that was how she was going to play, huh? I decided to play along.  
"Ms. Walcraft, would you mind going for a walk with me?" I asked, trying to distract her.  
"I'm sorry Mr. Masen, I need to find my love's murderer." She smiled, then stormed off towards 'Professor' Carlisle's study.

**Bella's POV:**

GRRR! Sometimes he really irritates me, but I love him more than anything. The wine glass proved that Professor Carlisle had been murdered with poison, and I intend to find out why. I reached his study and swung the door open. Carlisle set up the entire house to look like the actual setting, and that included evidence. The first thing I had to do was think about everyone's motives:

Edward- Mr. Edward Masen. Friend of Carlisle. Always had the 'eye' for Marie. Bad Boy. Hated Carlisle for attracting her and breaking her heart.

Alice- Ms. Mary Brandon. Sister of Carlisle, NOTE: Carlisle was left the fortune when parents died, Mary left NOTHING. Wants fortune maybe?

Jasper- Mr. Casey Smooth. 'Mr. Smooth'. Esme's brother. Never liked the idea of Carlisle marrying her. Despised Carlisle.

Emmett-Mr. Kellan Lutz. Friend of Carlisle's. none yet.

Rosalie- Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz. None yet.

Esme- Mrs. Esme Cullen. Married to Mr. Carlisle Cullen. Non yet.

So, who did it? So far, Mr. Masen, Ms. Brandon, and Mr. Smooth all had motives. I had to do some research; One thing to keep in mind in an investigation, everyone has a motive. I searched through the papers lying on the desk; Bills and accounts. One paper caught my eye. It was a white folded paper with Bank account information on it. The name on the account read _Aphrodite Michelle Lutz. _BINGO! Why was there a bank account receipt in Professor Cullen's office addressed to Aphrodite? I read the information, closely. It was a receipt of a deposit into the account…..of _$10,000,000?! _Why would Professor Cullen deposit that money into her account? I shoved the evidence into my pocket, and planned on keeping it there. No one is going to find THIS. What was going on with Prof. Cullen and Aphrodite? I looked over his desk once more to find nothing. I returned to the bookshelf to find a book sticking out from the shelf. I went over to pick it up to find an envelope fell out to the floor. I picked up the envelope and opened it. Inside were two plane tickets, addressed to Paris, France. I had to see that glass Edward took.

I ran downstairs and bumped into Emmett, "Fall down again, Bella?" he howled with laughter. I ran over to Edward and put on my best doe-eyed expression. He turned around to mock me, but instantly, his face fell as he took in my expression. He was as much a sucker for me as I was for him. I reached my hand under his shirt and let my warm hand trail his abs, I knew he loved the warmth of my skin. "Edward, could I please, please, PLEASE look at the glass?" I tried to be seductive. It had the intended effect. His face felt like he was torn, but he handed it to me. I looked at it, and found exactly what I was looking for. I handed Edward the glass, and he saw the little evidence that he had missed, and he looked from me, to the finish line, and back. I ran. We ran to the finish line. I was closer though, and as I ran, I tripped, and stumbled, and _rolled_ over the line before he did. Wow, it was a miracle, my klutziness came in handy. I laughed as I took the glass from Edward. I looked over at Emmett who was laughing like a maniac at our scene. I didn't care, because I knew who had committed the crime.

Everyone gathered around us as I began to speak, "I know who has committed the crime against Professor Carlisle Cullen," I began, "I found in his study a bank account receipt, addressed to Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz, for a deposit of $10,000,000 into her account,"  
"GASPP!!" Emmett shrieked, and I tried my best to cover up a laugh.  
"The bill also stated that he had been depositing money into her account, and recently cut it off. I searched through his bookcase, and came across a book sticking out from the others, and this envelope inside," I lifted up the envelope, "inside were two plane tickets to Paris, France, addressed to _Mr. Cullen and Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz."  
"LE GASPP!!" _Emmett shrieked again.  
"Thus I came to the conclusion, Mrs. Lutz and Mr. Cullen were having an affair. It left a couple of suspects. For one, Mr. Kellan Lutz, especially. But I took another look at the glass Mr. Masen had taken, and found Coral lipstick on the glass! The person who gave him the drink poisoned it, it must be a woman!" I built up the suspense. Emmett looked like he was about to wet himself. If that were possible.  
"I have concluded that Mrs. Aphrodite Lutz is guilty! She had an affair with Professor Carlisle, for his money. He cut her off, and she wanted revenge, so she poisoned him!" I knew I had done it! I was amazing! I was awesome! I was—

"Sorry, Bella, but that is incorrect." Carlisle said, still lying on the ground. I was pathetic. My face fell, and Edward wrapped his arm around me. Emmett came across the finish line to pat me on the shoulder,

"Hey, wait, doesn't Esme wear Coral-colored lipstick?" he said with a dumbstruck expression.

We all stared at him blankly. And that's how Emmett won control over us for an entire week.

**A/N: So did you guys like it? I hope so. Sorry I didn't make it longer. BTW, Esme did it because she found out about the affair he was having with Aphrodite. ON TO THE NEXT ADVENTURE! I just HAD to make Emmett win, and stupidly on accident....lol**

**Totally awesome and wickedly sick review I got on the last chapter:**

_LOVE IT! Update cuz u know I wont be sad for long if u do? PLEASe! I just  
ate three bowls (BIG BOWLS) of SUGAR... I need STORY!! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!  
OME! I'm a *gasp* ALICE!_

_forevacullens_


	23. Hogwarts Flashback

**Disclaimer:**

***walks up to Bella*  
Me: You know, I have a rabbit named Bella.  
Bella: really?  
Me: Yea, I own her…  
Bella: ……  
Me: Yea, I also have rabbits named Edward, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice….. so, do I own Twilight?  
Bella: nope.**

**A/N: ok. On with a new adventure. This time it is a flashback adventure, of when Emmett dragged everyone to Hogwarts. P.S. I really do have some rabbits named Bella, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice. No joke.**

Chapter 23: Hogwarts Flashback

The Volvo purred quietly as we drove to the Cullen house. Edward was driving, but I wouldn't really call it driving, since he was constantly staring at me.

"PLEASE, just please, with the not looking at the road!" I begged, and he burst into laughter. Stupid, shiny Volvo owner.  
"Bella, vampires drive a bit differently than humans. I memorized the road. I can drive this whole thing with my eyes closed."  
"….yea, and end up crashing." I added under my breath, forgetting he could hear me. He burst into louder laughter. He pulled up to the house, and stopped the car. He was at my door in less than a second, opening it for me. We walked into the house, and for once I wish I hadn't.

There were bricks and plaster everywhere, and also some weird powder in a bag. This could only be the work of one idiot: Emmett. And, speak of the Devil, and he shall appear….

"Hey, guys!" Emmett boomed, waving a piece of paper in our direction. Edward looked furious.  
"Emmett, what are you doing?" I asked, honestly curious about whatever his INTENTIONS were.  
"oh, this? I just installed our Floo powder system!" what? As in……no way. It doesn't even exist!  
"……As in……Harry Potter?" I asked, with disbelief clearly shown on my face. "….you do know, he doesn't exist?"  
"Silly Bella, of course he does!" then he turned his back on us and started cleaning up his mess. I turned to Edward with an eyebrow raised, questioning Emmett's insanity. Edward forced himself to explain.  
"Well, Harry Potter does exist. Witches, Wizards and Warlocks do exist. We are required to maintain a distance from Hogwarts though, for safety reasons….they're afraid of us, we are a danger to them. And their magic tends to not work on us, most of the time." I was in shock…Harry Potter, EXISTED?!!...  
"AND NO ONE TOLD ME?!?!!?" I screamed. I am the biggest Harry Potter fan—well, next to Emmett—and they all knew, and NEVER. TOLD. ME. A nervous look crossed Edward's face,  
"Well, we didn't want you to freak and demand to meet him….because that would be breaking…..the rules…." He said, backing into a wall as I stepped towards him, fury written on my face.  
"EDWARD. ANTHONY. MASON. CULLEN."I said slowly, "YOU ARE IN TROU—"  
"Chill, Bells," Emmett cut me off, "There was a reason for the Floo powder system…..we're going to Hogwarts!" I heard, then the floor met my face as the darkness closed around me.

Emmett's POV:

Wow. No one saw that coming. Not even Alice, I bet. I knew she fainted whenever it was bad news, but I've never seen her faint as fast as she did with good news…..

"Wow, didn't see that coming!" I boomed with laughter as Edward picked her up and carried to the couch. God, he's so whipped.  
"I. am. not. WHIPPED!" he yelled, right when Bella was waking up.  
"Excuuuuse me?" she said, scowling at him. HAHAHA! I burst into laughter. This was too good.

Bella's POV:

Oh my gawshness! We are going to Hogwarts! I looked like Alice, jumping up and down….on Emmett's shoulders. This is going to be GREAT!

"Oh no….someone released the Emmett & Bella Adventure Team…." Rosalie said, smiling, but with a worried expression. Emmett always had horrible ideas, his stupid ideas. But once in a while there would be one idea so great….so fantastically stupid or amazing….that I had to join in. Everyone called this the 'Emmett & Bella Adventure Team'. We always ended up getting in loads of trouble, but the Cullens would laugh about it….because the trouble wasn't from our family. That was the fine line between 'Emmett's stupid ideas'—which I am public enemy #1 of—and 'Emmett & Bella Adventure Team'. I grinned evilly as I continued to bounce on Emmett's shoulders. Alice and Jasper walked down, and stood next to Edward and Rosalie.

"Jasper…..why are you bouncing?" Rosalie asked. I looked over at Jasper, and, sure enough, he WAS bouncing gently on the balls of his feet.  
"It's her excitement! It's just….too….MUCH!" Jasper..…squealed. Like a girl. Emmett and I burst out laughing.  
"Oh no….her and Emmett are linked at the mind again….we need reinforcements!" Alice shouted.  
"So what's the plan THIS time…" Rosalie asked.  
"We are….going to HOGWARTS!" I screamed, louder than I ever had, EVERR. I screamed, like a fan girl.  
"IT'S AGAINST THE RULES!" Edward yelled.  
"I DON'T CARE! I'M GOING! YOU CAN STAY IF YOU WANT, BUT I'M ALOUD TO GO!" I yelled over my shoulder, as I walked to the fireplace and unfolded a LARGE paper of instructions. They were in another language. Great. I stood there, like an idiot, trying to find the front of the paper, and everyone burst into laughter. Emmett walked over and grabbed the bag of powder.

"It's easy, all you have to do, is take a hand-full of powder, walk into the fireplace…" he said as he did, "You have to pronounce the name of the place you are going to perfectly clear….." by now I was jumping up and down about 4 feet in the air, "And throw the powder down…" he said, then took a deep, unneeded breath….—and by this time I was gripping so tightly, and digging my nails into Edward's  
arm—…….. "HOGWARTS!" Emmett yelled, threw down the powder, and was—GONE! I screamed in delight. I jumped even higher, "ME NEXT! ME NEXT! ME NEXT!!" I squealed.  
"Bella, calm down…" Edward said, looking worried, "Maybe a responsible vampire should go after Emmett….and definitely before you." No. Freaking. WAY. I'm going, and I'm going now. Alice's eyes glazed over—having a vision of my plan. Before she could react, I grabbed a handful of powder and ran to the fire place.  
"BELLA, NO!" Alice and Edward screamed, but it was too late.  
"HOGWARTS!" I screamed, and threw the dust. The next thing I knew, I stumbled out of a fireplace, covered in dust. I got up and stumbled again. Where was Emmett? I was in a dark room, but it was definitely Hogwarts. I poked my head up over some furniture and boxes, and saw 3 dark, cloaked figures in the corner of the room. I took a step forward, and tripped. They whirled around and hissed, "A MUGGLE!" they continued hissing. They rushed towards me. Uh oh, I knew what this was…. "Kill her!" The one sitting in a chair hissed.

"Ummm, uhh…I'll just be going now….sorry to disturb you Voldemort…." I said, backing away. Then, out of NO WHERE, Emmett pops up, with a….water gun?  
"EAT WATER, YOU FREAKS!!!" Emmett screamed, soaking the hissing cloaked people—or things. The disappeared into thin air.  
"HAHAHA!" we yelled, then high-fived each other. We have a special, high-five, shake thing we do when we are 'Emmett & Bella Adventure Team'. Then we hear an explosion, and Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper come tumbling out of the fireplace.  
"BELLA!" Edward yelled, running over to me, "Are you ok?!!?" his face in my hair.  
"Yea, me and Emmett PWNED!" I yelled, giving another high-five.  
"Oh lord, please help us all….." Rosalie sighed, walking towards the door, "Are you comin', or what?" she asked, smiling at me, and I started bouncing again.

We walked into the hallways of Hogwarts and I gasped. It was beautiful. EXACTLY like in the books and movie….I wonder WHY they filmed the movie in the real Hogwarts? If they are so bent on secrecy…..  
"OK! We have to be stealthy…"Emmett started, sounding like a commander of military.…even if that was Jasper's job. He pulled out a map and a marker. "We will be scouting these halls going from here—to here—to here—and over here. Agent Batman, are you ready?" he asked me.  
"Yes Agent Teddy-Bear, I am. I believe Alice…" I trailed off as she whipped out a bag—out of THIN air—of black outfits. She handed them to us, we went into bathrooms to change. We came out and looked like secret spies. Wait, something was off….

"Alice, we are going through Hogwarts, in the middle of the day, dressed in black…I think the point is to BLEND IN."  
"Oh, sorry." Then she took out MORE outfits out of the bag. These ones were altered Hogwarts uniforms. And when I say altered, I mean Alice made them stylish… and I ended up wearing a MINI, mini skirt, so short, it barely even covered my butt, and the usual top, but the coat was cropped. Now I regretted mentioning anything about the spy outfits….

I came out and tried to pull down the skirt, and hid my back against Rosalie. She laughed, "So, whenever a sadistic vampire is bent on torturing you to death, sure, no problem, you run off to meet him, but a MINI skirt…." She and Alice got a laugh out of this. Then my breath caught in my throat, the guys walked out, and Edward looked amazing. My mouth fell open, then shut when I thought of my skirt. I squeaked and hid behind Rose.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Edward asked.  
"It's her _skirt_…" Rosalie laughed.  
"Traitor!" I whispered angrily in her ear, then she stepped aside."No!" I squealed, trying to hide again, but Edward's hands grabbed my waste, "You look sexy" he said, and chuckled. I was so lost in his eyes, and about to kiss him, when Emmett popped up between us, "OK! AGENT BATMAN! TIME FOR PHASE 2!" he yelled, and we took off. We walked down the hallways, with me in front, and Emmett behind, crouching and walking next to the wall in a pink-panther like fashion. As if Emmett could read my mind, we both started humming the pink panther theme song, and I turned to see everyone roll their eyes at us. I giggled. But then stopped cold when I saw who was coming.

"IT'S PROFESSOR SNAPE! THE ASSHOLE! EVERYONE HIDE!" I whisper-yelled, as we ran behind a corner. He passed, and Emmett and I let out a "PHEW". Everyone chuckled.  
"OK! IT'S ALL CLEAR!" I continued to whisper-yell. We pink-panther walked down the hallway, then turned, and Emmett and I froze in shock.

"oh, my GODD!!!" I screamed, even louder. I sounded like a crazy fan girl. Emmett and I kept screaming, and an afraid-looking Harry jolted in surprise. He was headed this way, but stood there, with Ron and Hermione looked scared to death of Emmett and I.

"That is one HOT fan girl." Ron said to Harry. Then, Emmett and I screamed again. Emmett ran over to Harry, forgetting to try to act human, and tackled Harry.  
"uh oh." I said as I ran over to them, and tripped on Emmett's foot. I tried to get around Emmett and hug Harry. I heard everyone laughing uncontrollably in the background "EMMETT! OFF!" I yelled at him. Then Fred and George showed up.  
"WE NEED TO GET THIS DUDE OF HARRY!" Ron whined.  
"OK!" the twins said together. God, they sounded the same. They took out their wands. They said some magical word that I didn't catch, and Emmett was off of Harry. I on the other hand, was still on the ground, hugging Harry. He was on top of me.

"Well, hello there…" he said, and I screamed. But Edward was over in half a second.  
"Keep your hands, off my girl, Potter." Edward said as he grabbed Harry by the back of the shirt and threw him back, but not THAT hard. I got up in time to catch Hermione walking over to Edward,  
"Are you new here? You have a lot of muscles." she giggled, and reached out to touch his abs. I grabbed her wrist, and tossed her arm away.  
"Bitch, leave my man alone." I said. Everyone gasped, and was shocked I used the word Bitch.  
"_Muggle._" She sneered. Oh, no, she, did not. Edward growled.  
"_Mud blood._"I snapped at her. I was shocked at myself. I always loved Hermione…but now she wanted my man. Things change. Ron gasped and stepped towards me, with his wand raised, but Edward stepped up also,  
"Do you REALLY want to mess with a vampire's girlfriend?" Edward said with a dark, menacing look. The look he showed when telling off Mike. The look of a vampire. Ron's face fell to horror, and he cringed back.  
"VAMPIRES!!!" They all yelled. Oh, crap. "PROFESSOR DUMBLEDOOR!! THERE ARE VAMPIRES ON SCHOOL GROUNDS!" They screamed. Edward threw me over his shoulder and we ran in the direction we came. Then, we froze. What was the hold up? I couldn't see anything except Edward's back. I tried to turn around and catch a glimpse, "Edward, what's the hold up?" then I saw him. Standing in front of us, face-to-face with Edward, was Cedric Diggory.

He looked like a clone of Edward, except with weird hair. Rosalie broke out laughing.  
"Oh….my……god!" I shrieked. "Edward…….he looks exactly like you!"  
"Who are YOU?! Some kind of shape-shifter?" Cedric asked.  
"Nope, he's a vampire!" Emmett yelled with delight. Bad move. Cedric started backing away, scared.  
"VAMPIRESSS!!!!!" he screamed, and we took off running again. We ran back to the dark room with the fireplace. The hissing figures were back.

"THERE SHE IS! THE MUGGLE! KILLLL HERRRR!" they hissed. Edward's face turned deadly.  
"FUCK OFF, VOLDEMORT!" Emmett screamed, throwing things—like furniture—at him. They flinched back and started yelling "NO!....stop…him…..OUCH!" we started cracking up. While Emmett was throwing things at Voldemort, the rest of us went to the fire place, took out the Floo powder, and yelled "CULLEN HOUSE!" and we were gone.

We showed up, laughing. We went over to the TV and watched all the Harry Potter movies. I was about to fall asleep when something occurred to me…..

"Hey, where's Emmett?"

**A/N: I HOPED YOU GUYS LIKED IT! Please review! Also, the spells only worked on Emmett because with how he was acting, he was basically just some screaming fan girl, and not acting like a vampire lol. My friend brought to my attention that I should do a flashback thing of Hogwarts. I think I'm going to write next about how Emmett's in control for a week…..**


	24. Stalking AND Harassing

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: EMMETT!!! I OWN YOUR ASS!  
Rosalie: WHAT?!!?!  
Me: Wow, you catch on slow….well you know what they say about blondes….  
Rosalie: I'M GOING TO HURT YOU! RAWRR!  
Me: ahhhh! BITCHY BLONDE CHASING MEEE!  
Me: ……….could you, like, NOT touch me? I really don't want to catch your stupidness….I think it's  
contagious….  
Rosalie: RAWRR! YOU DON'T OWN TWILIGHT!!  
Me: Wow, maybe she DOES have a brain…  
**

**A/N: OK! WE'RE BACK TO PRESENT TIME! This is part of Emmett being in charge for a week…LAST TIME I'M WRITING ABOUT HOGWARTS for the people who didn't like Harry Potter. I may mention some stuff in the future though….. This idea was gave to me by a REVIEWER! **

Chapter 23:

Another day without Edward, that made me sad. But he needs to hunt. And, for some reason….Jasper and Emmett are here. At Charlie's house. Waiting while I got ready. I walked downstairs and saw Jasper and Emmett reading a pancake mix box directions. It was hilarious. "what is…..vegetable oil?" Emmett asked, staring at the ingredients. "Is that like, we have to squeeze the juice out of vegetables?" Emmett spells I-D-I-O-T.

"Hey, guys…..I think I got this." I laughed as I pulled out a bowl, some milk and cereal. Emmett stared at my food with a disgusted expression, while Jasper just laughed as I ate. "So….what's up for the agenda for today?" I asked between bites.  
"Well….Emmett seems to have a need to go to HOGWARTS again…." I froze, and started jumping up and down again. This. Was. Going. To. Be. Great. Of course, Edward forbids us to go back after the incident with Voldemort…..but whatever. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. I threw the dishes in the sink and we headed out to the truck."It was MY idea!" Emmett beamed. I went to the driver's side, and was opening the door, when I saw a smug-looking Emmett about to get into the front seat.  
"Emmett, are you sure your Ego's small enough to fit in my truck?" I asked, laughing. He scowled.  
"Are you sure you're not too Klutzy to drive??" he tossed back at me.  
"Wow, that was really funny. Remind me to write that one down on my list of fifth grade burns." I said, laughing as I got in my truck. "In the bed!" I yelled at Emmett, and he grimaced, and hopped into the bed of my truck, as Jasper slid in the front.

When I was driving, Jasper pretended to fall asleep at my slow pace, while Emmett, standing in the bed of my truck, started banging his head on the top of the cabin of my truck. I'm going to kill him.

We arrived at the house and jumped out and ran to the living room. "Emmett, do you HAVE to ruin my truck?!" I asked.  
"Well, if it means you getting something that might outrun a bike.…." He laughed as I picked up a box and through it at him. Time to go to Hogwarts!  
"So…..what's the game plan?" I asked, as we sat on the couch. He took out the map again, a video camera, a water gun, and a….stick?  
"What are we going to do?" I asked.  
"We are going to stalk and harass the characters!" Emmett shouted with delight.  
"So……what is the stick for?"  
"That's for the harassment part!!" He grinned. I let out a laugh.  
"Let's get going!" jasper yelled and we got changed into our disguises and took off.

Emmett went through first, then me. I came through the fireplace and stumbled to the ground again. I got up, and those stupid hissing people were back. This time they didn't advance on me, they just cowered in the corner hissing. I twitched, as if I were going to run towards them, and they flinched back. HAHA!

"Haha Voldemort's scared of me….." I laughed as Jasper came out of the fire place.  
"Where's Emmett?" he asked, worried.  
"Up your butt and around the corner!" Emmett shouted, walking in through the door.  
"Very mature, Emmett."Jasper said, rolling his eyes.  
"Let's go!" Emmett and I shouted together. Emmett carried the video camera, I carried the water gun—to protect my human-ness, as they put it—and Jasper carried the stick. We inched around the corners, pink-panther style, humming to the theme song. I was in front again, with Emmett behind.

"May 17th, 9:45 AM, Hogwarts Wizadry School……..or whatever they call it….." Emmett announced to the camera in one of those voices you here on COPS. I couldn't help but laugh. I reached a corner, peered around, and found our first victim to stalk and harass….

"OHMAIGAWSHNESS!! IT'S MALFOY!!" I whisper-yelled to the camera.  
"WHERE?!!" Emmett screeched, and pushed me out of the way. I fell, and Emmett and Jasper were too busy looking for him that they didn't catch me, so I fell on my face.

"OWWW!" I moaned with my face planted in the floor. Emmett seemed to look back at me.  
"Oops." He muttered, then helped me up. I picked up the squirt gun.

"Time for Phase 1!" I yelled to the camera, then took the water gun and aimed. Malfoy had his back to us, but I wasn't aiming AT him. I shot the water into the air, at a certain degree, and it fell from the sky onto Malfoy.

"What the fuck?!" he said, looking up. This was going to be fun. He shrugged it off, and I squirted it again.

"Wait….you guys felt that, right?" he asked Krab and Goyle. Stupid, Voldemort-helpers. I did it again when he wasn't paying attention.  
"WHAT THE HELL! IT'S RAINING IN THE BUILDING!!" he shrieked and we burst into laughter.

"Bella! Time for Phase 2!" Emmett whispered to me. Oh no. I HATE phase 2….  
"Emmett…..NO! I'm not doing that!" he put on an evil grimace.  
"I AM in charge for a week…." He said. Oh, crap, that's right. If I didn't do this, worse things would happen….

I picked up the squirt gun, and shot it directly at Malfoy's head. Then tossed it to Jasper, and walked out from behind the corner, just in time for Malfoy to whirl around. His eyes took in my WAYY-too-mini, mini skirt, and my tight shirt. I put on the sexiest strut I could as I walked over to him, and used the sexiest voice I could manage.

"Hey there, sexy." I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I about barfed. I HATED Malfoy….I was more of a Harry and Ron kinda girl.  
"H-Hey are you n-new?" he stuttered.  
"Yea, I am……..and I was just looking for some cute, strong, powerful man to escort me around…….." he held his breath.  
"……….so do you know where Ron Weasley is?" I said, and shock crossed his face. Then he turned angry. I could hear Emmett and Jasper cracking up a storm behind the wall. He shoved me to the ground and pulled out his wand. Man, what is UP with these people fighting with their WANDS?!

He was about to yell some spell…….and if I guessed right, some killing curse…….but Emmett and Jasper popped up in front of me.  
"CRUS—" Malfoy was cut off as Emmett reached over and snapped his wand in half, with a loud SNAP.  
"MY WAND!!!!!!" Malfoy cried. Jasper and I were in hysterics. I got up and turned to Malfoy,  
"Sorry Malfoy, but I like Ginger kids, if you know what I mean." I winked at him, then skipped down the hall, with Emmett and Jasper trailing behind.

As I was skipping, I wasn't paying attention, and ran SMACK into someone. I fell to the ground, and Emmett and Jasper seemed to have frozen in their steps. I peeked up at who I ran into, and my heart beat sped, in a good way, or a bad way, I do not know.

It was once again Cedric, and I must say he looked exactly like my Edward, except for his weird hair. I was shocked, and frozen in place myself. He just stared at me, and, just like everyone else, looked at my outfit. Then he stretched out his hand, offering to help me up.

"Are you ok?" he asked with a smile. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I was so shocked I couldn't even SPEAK. "Maybe I should get you to the hospital wing……" he said, as he eyes taking in my frozen self. I finally managed to come back to reality, and got up. I turned to look at Emmett and Jasper, and they had mischievous looks on their faces, and I knew it was time for the harassment part. Emmett and Jasper disappeared around the corner, but I knew the camera was on me.

"No, I'm ok. Thanks. I'm great _now_!" I said in a seductive voice, or, at least I hoped it was. I looked over his outfit. "HEY! Nice outfit! It would look GREAT in a pile by my bed……" I said, smiling. I could faintly hear Jasper and Emmett cracking up. Shock crossed his face, then turned into a smile. Uh-oh. I hadn't been expecting that.

"ok, babe……let's go." He said as he pulled me along. Think, Bella, think! New plan, new plan, new plan…..I looked back at Jasper and Emmett and their faces were worried. I'm sure I looked worried, too. I GOT IT! God, this is going to be so hard because he looks just like Edward…..

"Wait, where are you taking me?!" I demanded in mock-horror. He turned confused.  
"To my dorm…." I kept the act of innocence.  
"WHY?!"  
"I'm going to get you in bed….."  
"But I'm not sleepy!" I could hear Emmett and Jasper cracking up.  
"Don't worry, we won't be sleeping much." He said as he tried to drag me again.  
"Then what will we be doing? OH! Can we play Twister?" I asked, trying to act like a child. He looked at me confused.  
"I thought you WANTED me?!" he said.  
"WHAT?! EWW! NO! I meant your clothes would look great in my LAUNDRY BASKET! God, these people are so stupid sometimes….." I said as I skipped off. Jasper and Emmett ran after me in hysterics. Emmett was laughing so hard he actually tripped and fell on a group of 2nd years. Jasper and I laughed harder.

We got up and continued down the hallway, with my squirt gun in hand. That's when I saw…...THEM. I shot one look at Jasper and Emmett, and ran over to Jasper and whispered in his ear his instructions, then I handed him the squirt gun.

Jasper walked up to Fred and George.  
"HEY! GUYS!" Jasper yelled, catching their attention, "I bought this totally awesome prankish squirt gun from your store the other day and it DOESN'T WORK!" Jasper screamed in their faces. They exchanged a look, then turned back to Jasper.

"We don't sell those, dude, sorry." They said in unison.  
"WHAT?!!" Jasper screeched, "ARE YOU TELLING ME I'M WRONG?!!!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO 'THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS RIGHT'?!!!?!" he screamed, and the twins looked scared.  
"Dude, I don't know what to tell—"  
"I WANT MY MONEY BACK YOU FAGS!!" Jasper cut him off.  
"WE, DIDN'T, SELL, THAT, TOO YOU." They said, sounding out each word.  
"GIVE ME MY MONEY BACKKK!" Jasper screamed louder.  
"Dude….he's mental…." George said to Fred.  
"FUCK OFF, MUFFINHEADS!!!" Jasper screamed, soaking them with water. Then he ran off around the corner. While Emmett and I passed them, I ran up to them, and screamed, "GINGER KIDS RAWK!" in their faces then ran around the corner.

We fell back into our line, and then that's when I saw him again………Snape. I turned to Emmett, "Give me your phone!" I said. We were around a corner and he was standing not too far away. I took Emmett's phone and dialed Snape's number. Yea, I had connections.

"_Professor Snape." _He answered on the first ring.  
"Hello, Professor Snake."

"_It's Snape."  
_"Whatever you say, Professor Snake. I am calling to report the death of Joe here on campus…."  
_"Alright. Last name?"  
_"My last name's Parker."  
_"I meant the kid that died."_  
"Oh no. It was the janitor." Emmett and Jasper were laughing hysterically.  
_"How exactly did he die?"_  
"He was cleaning the toilets and hit his head and a troll came and ate him." I said, trying my best not to laugh.  
_"I have to go."_  
"No you don't."  
_"What?"_  
"I'm looking at you! You're fine!" I yelled.  
_"Who is this?"_  
"Harry Potter"  
_"No it's not. This is Professor Snape, you can't lie to me!"_  
"No it's not, you're God."  
_"I'm what?"_  
"You MUST be God. Can you get me a pony?"  
_"I am not God. And I am not Santa!"_  
"SANTA EXISTS?!!?!"  
_"NO! I am Severus Snape!"_  
"No, Snake, you're Mufassa."  
_"Excuse Me? I do not have a mane….."_  
"Then what is that pathetic excuse for your hair?"  
*Line goes dead*

"Bella, that was AWESOME!!!" Jasper and Emmett yelled, giving me high-fives. We all cracked up laughing. Oops, we forgot Snape was still close by. We heard him coming this way, and Emmett and Jasper took off, leaving me standing there. Shit.

"Oops, sorry Bella!" Jasper said as he ran back for me and threw me on his back. We made it out of there just in time.

Then we ran outside to where we saw a bunch of broomsticks and such. Harry came swooping down on his broom and parked it in the air.

"Son of a BITCH took my parking spot!!" Emmett yelled. Jasper and I were in hysterics.  
"Emmett, we didn't fly here……remember?" understanding struck his face, and Jasper and I laughed even harder.

Suddenly I had the best idea. "Jasper! Give me that stick!" I yelled as I grabbed a ton of twigs that were lying on the ground. I ripped a string off of my jacket and took the large stick. It was a broom handle, pole, whatever. I tied the tons of twigs to one end with the string, then ran over and grabbed harry's broom and replaced it with this one.

"Bella, that's GENIUS!" Emmett laughed. We watched as harry walked back over to his broom, and got on. He tried to kick off his broom, and yelled "Angardio Leviosa" but nothing happened. He sat there for 10 whole minutes trying to get it to rise. He finally got off and threw it on the ground, then stormed off. Then I ran over and replaced it with his original one. He came back with the teacher.

"I swear! It's not STARTING!" he complained. The teacher got on it, and it rose. She looked at him with an 'I-told-you-so' expression, then walked away, with Harry following behind her. Then I ran back over and switched the brooms again. He walked back over and got on again, and tried to start it, but nothing happened. He got off and ran to get the teacher again. I ran over and switched the brooms again.

"PROFESSOR! I'm not kidding! Something is up! because it WON'T START!" he whined as she once again got on, and the broom rose. Harry looked frustrated, and we couldn't hold back our laughter. The teacher left, but this time Harry stayed with his broom, so we left him.

"Bella, you're on a roll!" Emmett laughed. I had one more trick up my sleeve before we left.

"Come on, it's time to irritate Voldey!" I laughed as we ran back to the dark room. We entered, but EXTREMELY quiet, so they couldn't hear. They were all hurdled in a circle, plotting their EVIL plans. I took the video camera, and snuck up behind them, with jasper and Emmett trailing behind. I took the camera and stuck it between their heads, viewing the circle.

"…..we will……..eat harry Potter……kill…..then Malfoy….." I heard between hisses and nonsense. Then they whirled around and saw me.  
"HEY GUYS! What are we evilly plotting today?" I asked, wagging my eyebrows. They all hissed, and continued to hiss. AND continued to hiss….

"Oh PLEASE, just please, with the hissing!" I said, rolling my eyes, "Don't have a heart-attack guys….I was just trying to help plot Harry Potter's demise…." I laughed, even though I loved Harry. These guys were funny! They didn't even move. They just stood there…….hissing…..

"OK! Let's go guys!" I said as we entered the fireplace. "CULLEN HOUSE!" I screamed, and the next thing I knew we were tumbling out of our fireplace. I tumbled out and flew into something hard….oww…..and cold….what was…?......oh, shit.

*Australia*

Random guy again: OHMAIGAWSHNESS!! PEACOCKS ARE CU—

Echo:  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random guy: fuck it.

"uhhh….Edward…..it was ok!" I said, trying to get him to calm down. I mean, nothing happened!  
"Bella, I will not be calm! I FORBID you guys from going over there!! You could have gotten HURT!"  
"Yes…..but, I wasn't"  
"Edward, I COMMAND YOU TO CHILL!" Emmett shouted. It was rather funny. Jasper sent calming waves out to us. We were forced to listen to Emmett this week, as I said.

"You wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff we pulled….." jasper and I cracked up, as he took out the tape.

"Well, let the prank video begin….." Emmett said as he put in the tape, and pressed play………

**A/N: What do you guys think? I liked this one. Yea, so next chapter I'm going to write the Cullen's reactions to watching the tape.**


	25. HP Video

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Milkshakes.  
Friend: Ice Cream.  
Me: Popsicle.  
Emmett: Burrito.  
Me: A TWILIGHT BURRITO!!  
Me: ………do they sell those?  
Emmett: no.  
Me: damn.**

"You guys videotaped it again?" Rosalie said, rolling her eyes. I couldn't blame her. This WAS kind of ridiculous.  
"YUP! Now shut your face and watch!" Emmett commanded.  
"Excuse me?!" Rosalie shot daggers at Emmett. "Uhh….I mean…..I love you!" he muttered. We all turned to the TV screen to see Emmett, Jasper and I walking in the halls of Hogwarts—or rather, the back of ME walking, since Emmett was holding the video camera, and I was right in front of him.

"_May 17__th__, 9:45 AM, Hogwarts Wizadry School……..or whatever they call it….." Emmett announced to the camera in one of those voices you here on COPS. I couldn't help but laugh. I reached a corner, peered around, and found our first victim to stalk and harass…._

Everyone rolled their eyes at Emmett's introduction.

"_OHMAIGAWSHNESS!! IT'S MALFOY!!" I whisper-yelled to the camera.  
"WHERE?!!" Emmett screeched, and pushed me out of the way. I fell, and Emmett and Jasper were too busy looking for him that they didn't catch me, so I fell on my face._

"_OWWW!" I moaned with my face planted in the floor. Emmett seemed to look back at me.  
"Oops." He muttered, then helped me up. I picked up the squirt gun._

Everyone was already laughing except for Edward….who I had a feeling wasn't going to like this video very much…. "Edward, if you can't keep yourself from the need to kill someone, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the class." I said, with a smile pulling at my lips. He smiled my crooked smile at me and my breath caught in my throat.

"_Time for Phase 1!" I yelled to the camera, then took the water gun and aimed. Malfoy had his back to us, but I wasn't aiming AT him. I shot the water into the air, at a certain degree, and it fell from the sky onto Malfoy._

"_What the fuck?!" he said, looking up. He shrugged it off, and I squirted it again._

"_Wait….you guys felt that, right?" he asked Krab and Goyle. Stupid, Voldemort-helpers. I did it again when he wasn't paying attention.  
"WHAT THE HELL! IT'S RAINING IN THE BUILDING!!" he shrieked and we burst into laughter._

Everyone was cracking up. "Well, Malfoy was always an idiot…..it must be a blonde thing," We looked up to see Jacob standing in the Cullen living room, watching the screen. "What?" he asked, taking in everyone's strange expressions.

"What do YOU want, Mutt?" Rosalie sneered.  
"Sheesh, Blondie, PMS much? I heard you guys went to Hogwarts and videotaped it….I HAD to see it." Jacob jumped over the back of the couch and sat at the end."Hey Bells!" he greeted me. Edward growled at him.  
"Oh, stop it!" I said to Edward. Emmett pressed play again.

"_Bella! Time for Phase 2!" Emmett whispered to me. Oh no. I HATE phase 2….  
"Emmett…..NO! I'm not doing that!" he put on an evil grimace.  
"I AM in charge for a week…." He said. _

_I picked up the squirt gun, and shot it directly at Malfoy's head. Then tossed it to Jasper, and walked out from behind the corner, just in time for Malfoy to whirl around. His eyes took in my WAYY-too-mini, mini skirt, and my tight shirt. I put on the sexiest strut I could as I walked over to him, and used the sexiest voice I could manage._

"_Hey there, sexy." I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I about barfed. I HATED Malfoy….I was more of a Harry and Ron kinda girl._

Edward let out a loud growl, while Jacob whistled. "Emmett made me do it!" I said before anyone could so much as give me a glance.  
"Wow, Bella, we never knew you had it in you….." Rosalie said, giving me a wink. Emmett chimed in, "OH! This is NOTHING compared to what is to come………." Emmett grinned evilly. Edward's growling got worse.

"_H-Hey are you n-new?" he stuttered.  
"Yea, I am……..and I was just looking for some cute, strong, powerful man to escort me around…….." he held his breath.  
"……….so do you know where Ron Weasley is?" I said, and shock crossed his face. _

"HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS HILARIOUS!" Emmett, Edward, and Jacob laughed together. In fact, EVERYONE was laughing. "Nice, Bella. I bet his ego's wounded now." Edward whispered in my ear.

_Then he turned angry. I could hear Emmett and Jasper cracking up a storm behind the wall. He shoved me to the ground and pulled out his wand. Man, what is UP with these people fighting with their WANDS?!_

_He was about to yell some spell…….and if I guessed right, some killing curse…….but Emmett and Jasper popped up in front of me.  
"CRUS—" Malfoy was cut off as Emmett reached over and snapped his wand in half, with a loud SNAP.  
"MY WAND!!!!!!" Malfoy cried. Jasper and I were in hysterics. I got up and turned to Malfoy,  
"Sorry Malfoy, but I like Ginger kids, if you know what I mean." I winked at him, then skipped down the hall, with Emmett and Jasper trailing behind._

"OHMAIGAWD EMMETT! That was freakin' fantastic!" Alice chirped. I was laughing so hard. I finally caught my breath, "What is UP with those people fighting with WANDS?!" I laughed again then mumbled, "what dorks". Everyone laughed at my outburst. Emmett pressed play, and my heart sank at the part that was next. "Uh-oh." I mumbled, and all heads turned to me as I hid my face in a pillow.

_As I was skipping, I wasn't paying attention, and ran SMACK into someone. I fell to the ground, and Emmett and Jasper seemed to have frozen in their steps. I peeked up at who I ran into, and my heart beat sped, in a good way, or a bad way, I do not know._

"Oh. My. Freakin'. GOD!" Jacob yelled, "ONE of you is enough! Now there's TWO!" We all cracked up laughing. Even Edward.

"_Are you ok?" he asked with a smile. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I was so shocked I couldn't even SPEAK. "Maybe I should get you to the hospital wing……" he said, as he eyes taking in my frozen self. I finally managed to come back to reality, and got up. I turned to look at Emmett and Jasper, and they had mischievous looks on their faces, and I knew it was time for the harassment part. Emmett and Jasper disappeared around the corner, but I knew the camera was on me._

"_No, I'm ok. Thanks. I'm great now!" I said in a seductive voice, or, at least I hoped it was. I looked over his outfit. "HEY! Nice outfit! It would look GREAT in a pile by my bed……" I said, smiling. I could faintly hear Jasper and Emmett cracking up. Shock crossed his face, then turned into a smile. Uh-oh. I hadn't been expecting that._

Ok, if I though Edward was mad before, now he looked livid. Absolutely furious. Jaco just stared, wide-eyed, open-mouthed, at the TV. Everyone else was just staring. At me. With looks ranging from 'I'm so proud' to 'I didn't know she was like that'.

"_ok, babe……let's go." He said as he pulled me along. Think, Bella, think! New plan, new plan, new plan…..I looked back at Jasper and Emmett and their faces were worried. I'm sure I looked worried, too. I GOT IT! God, this is going to be so hard because he looks just like Edward….._

"_Wait, where are you taking me?!" I demanded in mock-horror. He turned confused.  
"To my dorm…." I kept the act of innocence.  
"WHY?!"  
"I'm going to get you in bed….."_

Once again, Edward was growling. FURIOUSLY. "I'm going to go back there and rip his head off." He muttered.

"_But I'm not sleepy!" I could hear Emmett and Jasper cracking up.  
"Don't worry, we won't be sleeping much." He said as he tried to drag me again.  
"Then what will we be doing? OH! Can we play Twister?" I asked, trying to act like a child. He looked at me confused.  
"I thought you WANTED me?!" he said.  
"WHAT?! EWW! NO! I meant your clothes would look great in my LAUNDRY BASKET! God, these people are so stupid sometimes….." I said as I skipped off. Jasper and Emmett ran after me in hysterics. Emmett was laughing so hard he actually tripped and fell on a group of 2__nd__ years. Jasper and I laughed harder._

Everyone was laughing SO hard. "Wow Bella…..what a save." Alice said between laughs.  
"OH my GOD, that boy was wacked. I didn't expect him to react like that!" I said, mostly pleading to Edward. I guess it was weird for Jacob seeing as Cedric looked EXACTLY like Edward….  
"It was so funny when Emmett fell on the group of 2nd years." I said, laughing. Emmett gave me a high-five.  
"Oh, but it's not over yet, guys. ALL of the rest of the pranks were PURELY Bella's ideas. I must say, I've taught her well…" Emmett said, pretended to snuffle.

_Jasper walked up to Fred and George.  
"HEY! GUYS!" Jasper yelled, catching their attention, "I bought this totally awesome prankish squirt gun from your store the other day and it DOESN'T WORK!" Jasper screamed in their faces. They exchanged a look, then turned back to Jasper._

"_We don't sell those, dude, sorry." They said in unison.  
"WHAT?!!" Jasper screeched, "ARE YOU TELLING ME I'M WRONG?!!!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO 'THE CUSTOMER'S ALWAYS RIGHT'?!!!?!" he screamed, and the twins looked scared.  
"Dude, I don't know what to tell—"  
"I WANT MY MONEY BACK YOU FAGS!!" Jasper cut him off.  
"WE, DIDN'T, SELL, THAT, TOO YOU." They said, sounding out each word.  
"GIVE ME MY MONEY BACKKK!" Jasper screamed louder.  
"Dude….he's mental…." George said to Fred.  
"FUCK OFF, MUFFINHEADS!!!" Jasper screamed, soaking them with water. Then he ran off around the corner. While Emmett and I passed them, I ran up to them, and screamed, "GINGER KIDS RAWK!" in their faces then ran around the corner._

Everyone was in hysterics. I leaned over and gave a high-five-slide-fist shake to Jasper. "I didn't know you loved Ginger kids so much, Bella." Jacob laughed, and I reached over and slapped his arm. OWW! Bad mistake. "Owww…." I muttered, shaking away the pain in my hand. Everyone laughed harder.  
"Shhh! This is Bella's best prank of all!" Emmett shushed everyone, staring at the TV.

_We fell back into our line, and then that's when I saw him again………Snape. I turned to Emmett, "Give me your phone!" I said. We were around a corner and he was standing not too far away. I took Emmett's phone and dialed Snape's number. Yea, I had connections._

"_Professor Snape." _He answered on the first ring.  
"Hello, Professor Snake."

"_It's Snape."  
_"Whatever you say, Professor Snake. I am calling to report the death of Joe here on campus…."  
_"Alright. Last name?"  
_"My last name's Parker."  
_"I meant the kid that died."_  
"Oh no. It was the janitor." Emmett and Jasper were laughing hysterically.  
_"How exactly did he die?"_  
"He was cleaning the toilets and hit his head and a troll came and ate him." I said, trying my best not to laugh.  
_"I have to go."_  
"No you don't."  
_"What?"_  
"I'm looking at you! You're fine!" I yelled.  
_"Who is this?"_  
"Harry Potter"  
_"No it's not. This is Professor Snape, you can't lie to me!"_  
"No it's not, you're God."  
_"I'm what?"_  
"You MUST be God. Can you get me a pony?"  
_"I am not God. And I am not Santa!"_  
"SANTA EXISTS?!!?!"  
_"NO! I am Severus Snape!"_  
"No, Snake, you're Mufassa."  
_"Excuse Me? I do not have a mane….."_  
"Then what is that pathetic excuse for your hair?"  
*Line goes dead*

"OH…..MY………GOD……..BELLA!" Everyone was laughing so hard, no one was able to get two words out between laughs. EVEN EDWARD! "THAT WAS AMAZING!" Alice yelled. I couldn't even keep from laughing.

"_Son of a BITCH took my parking spot!!" Emmett yelled. Jasper and I were in hysterics.  
"Emmett, we didn't fly here……remember?" understanding struck his face, and Jasper and I laughed even harder. _

"EMMETT!" Everyone yelled and laughed.

_Suddenly I had the best idea. "Jasper! Give me that stick!" I yelled as I grabbed a ton of twigs that were lying on the ground. I ripped a string off of my jacket and took the large stick. It was a broom handle, pole, whatever. I tied the tons of twigs to one end with the string, then ran over and grabbed harry's broom and replaced it with this one._

"_Bella, that's GENIUS!" Emmett laughed. We watched as harry walked back over to his broom, and got on. He tried to kick off his broom, and yelled "Angardio Leviosa" but nothing happened. He sat there for 10 whole minutes trying to get it to rise. He finally got off and threw it on the ground, then stormed off. Then I ran over and replaced it with his original one. He came back with the teacher._

"_I swear! It's not STARTING!" he complained. The teacher got on it, and it rose. She looked at him with an 'I-told-you-so' expression, then walked away, with Harry following behind her. Then I ran back over and switched the brooms again. He walked back over and got on again, and tried to start it, but nothing happened. He got off and ran to get the teacher again. I ran over and switched the brooms again._

"_PROFESSOR! I'm not kidding! Something is up! because it WON'T START!" he whined as she once again got on, and the broom rose. Harry looked frustrated, and we couldn't hold back our laughter. The teacher left, but this time Harry stayed with his broom, so we left him._

"HAHAHA OMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS!" Everyone laughed. "Good one, Bella!" Edward leaned down and whispered in my ear, "you are my little evil genius."

"_Come on, it's time to irritate Voldey!" I laughed as we ran back to the dark room. We entered, but EXTREMELY quiet, so they couldn't hear. They were all hurdled in a circle, plotting their EVIL plans. I took the video camera, and snuck up behind them, with jasper and Emmett trailing behind. I took the camera and stuck it between their heads, viewing the circle._

"…_..we will……..eat harry Potter……kill…..then Malfoy….." I heard between hisses and nonsense. Then they whirled around and saw me.  
"HEY GUYS! What are we evilly plotting today?" I asked, wagging my eyebrows. They all hissed, and continued to hiss. AND continued to hiss…._

"_Oh PLEASE, just please, with the hissing!" I said, rolling my eyes, "Don't have a heart-attack guys….I was just trying to help plot Harry Potter's demise…." I laughed, even though I loved Harry. These guys were funny! They didn't even move. They just stood there…….hissing….._

"WOW," Jacob, Alice and I said at the same time. Then I burst into laughter, "THOSE DUDES WERE HILARIOUS!!" then everyone laughed at me.  
"I mean, they were actually afraid of me now! All they do is HISS!" everyone laughed harder.

"……………"

"I swear Emmett, one of these days that random guy is going to want revenge." I laughed, and everyone joined in.

**A/N: THANKS SOOOO MUCH EVERYONE FOR THE GREAT REVIEWS! I love you guys! Also, if you happen to read my story, and you don't like it, PLEASE still review saying WHY you don't like it! On one of my other stories I got an annonymous review just saying "it sucks", without saying why. Why bother submitting that review if you aren't going to say WHY, and help me improve? All it did was hurt feelings. But everyone else has been AMAZING! Thanks soooooo much guys! Yea, so next chapter should be good. I will definitely do something interesting. ANDD here's a clue, Random guy is important! lol**

**Review! review! review! click it click it click it --**


	26. Ohhhh shiiiiittt

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Chocolate……  
Twin: ………Bunnies.  
Me and Twin: CHOCOLATE BUNNIES!!  
Me: So…..chocolate bunnies are A LOT like Edward Cullen……  
Twin: ………full of fun, and joy, and joyfulness……..  
Me: So, if we can buy a chocolate bunny……….  
Twin: …………..can we buy Edward Cullen?  
Me: I think not Twin, I think not………  
Twin: ………………but we still don't…..  
Me: ……own Twilight, so let's……….  
Twin: …..…substitute for….  
Me and Twin: THIS FANFIC!!**

Chapter 26: Oh shiitttt

"BELLAAA!! WAKE UP!!!" I jolted upright in my bed so fast, my head came right SMACK into something hard. I opened my eyes to see Emmett's face two inches from mine, screaming in my ear.

"OWWW!" I moaned, "What are you DOING here at…….." I looked over, groggily, at the clock next to my bed, "4:00 ON A SATURDAY MORNING?!!" I shrieked. Why is he waking me up? "Might I also add screaming in my ear…." Thankfully Charlie was dead asleep.

"Aww, come on, Bella! We're going on an adventure today!" Adventure….? Uh-oh.  
"Where's Edward?!" I asked, before Emmett could get too ahead of himself.  
"He's back at the house……….he doesn't know I'm waking you up……..But the sooner you wake, the sooner we can get going!" He's got to be kidding.  
"Good Night." I said, laying back down and shoving a pillow over my face. I felt something touch my pillow.  
"You take my pillow, you're dead." I said in the most menacing voice I could conjure up. I heard him laugh, "Bella, don't make me get the bucket of water….." my eyes—which were thankfully hidden in the pillow—widened.

"Don't make me get Edward….." I shot back him, trying not to laugh. All of a sudden, my sheets flew off of me, onto the ground. I screamed as Emmett grabbed hold of my ankles, about to tow my ass out of bed, but I grabbed a hold of my bed post. Yes, I know it was stupid. Yes, I know it was useless. But Emmett knew he couldn't REALLY put effort into pulling on me, because he wouldn't want to hurt me, or my furniture. Ok, so he didn't really care about my furniture……let alone HIS furniture…….but still.

I screamed until I heard someone clear their throat, "uh-hemm". Emmett and I froze, and turned to see Edward, crouching on my window sill. Automatically, my blush crept into my cheeks, and I hid my face in my bed.

"Children, play nice now." Edward said, I could hear the smile in his voice.  
"HE WON'T LET ME SLEEP!!!" I screamed into my mattress. Edward sighed, "Emmett, LET HER SLEEP!" then Emmett let go of my ankles and I heard a slapping noise, which I suppose was him getting Emmett-smacked.

Edward came around and grabbed my sheets off the floor and threw them over me, then leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Sleep, my angel."  
"Is the Idiot gone?" I asked, into my mattress.  
"I'm not an idiot!"  
"Whatever you say, Em-Em." I mumbled into my mattress, laughed, then fell into a peaceful sleep.

I woke a few hours later. I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes, and focused on what was beheld in my room.

Alice was crouched, sitting on the wooden frame at the foot of my bed. "Morning, Bella!" Alice sang, looking extremely happy. My eyes fell upon Edward next, who was sitting in the rocking chair on the other side of my room. I heard a banging noise downstairs. Who else was here? I knew Charlie had gone fishing.

"Is the idiot still here?" I asked, then he burst into my room.  
"Do they get to keep calling me an idiot?" Emmett asked Edward.  
"Are you still breathing?" I asked  
"Then if you're breathing you're still an idiot," Alice said.  
"Which is what we call you." I finished.

Alice, Edward and I laughed, while Emmett sulked in the corner. "OK….now that I've caught up on my sleep from somebody trying to drag me out of bed at 4:00 in the morning……what the shizz is going on?!" I got to the point, no sugar-coating.

"Well…..Today we're all going swimming!!" Alice chirped happily. Hmmm, wow.  
"Wellp, HAVE FUN!" I said before laying back down and shoving the pillow over my face. Edward laughed.  
"Silly Bella, get ready!" she said. I sat up.  
"Wait, when you say "we're" who EXACTLY do you mean?!" I eyed her suspiciously. She couldn't possibly mean…..  
"Oh, just, you know…….Me, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett……Edward…..and you."  
"NOOOOOOOO WAAAYYY!" I said, throwing myself back into my pillows. This time, Edward got up, and bent down, and whispered in my ear, "Bella, please?" oh, I couldn't possibly look at him right now. I knew EXACTLY what his next plan was……

Just as he grabbed onto my ankles, I grabbed onto the bedpost. I screamed, "EDDDWAARDD! NO!" but he didn't listen. So his next attempt was pure death. I turned to face up, met my eyes with his, right before he pounced on me. He tickled me, trying to get me to give in. "Edward!....no!.....aghh!" I got out between laughs. But I didn't give in.

He disappeared and came back………with a bucket of water. "YOU. WOULDN'T. DARE." I said slowly, emphasizing each word, trying to leak venom in my words.  
"NOPE, but Emmett would……" and with that Emmett ran over and tossed the bucket of water, soaking me and my bed. Great. "EEEEMMMMMETTTTTT!!!!!" Edward, Alice, and I screamed.  
"What?" he looked confused, "You said—"  
"I wasn't REALLY going to have you throw it on her!!" Edward hissed at him. I sat, soaked, in my bed, with my arms crossed. Emmett laughed, "Bella, you look like a half-drowned cat!" then Edward elbowed him in the ribs.

"Come on, Bella." Alice said as she picked up my soaked-self and threw me in the shower.

When I got out, only Alice was there. "Here—I want you to try on this bathing suit." She said as she handed me a bathing suit. It was a bikini, of course. It was the same shade of blue that Edward loves on me. I took it and threw it on.

"Bella! That looks PERFECT!" Alice squealed.  
"Alice, there is no way I'm wearing this over there—wherever we're going." The bikini just barely covered anything. And I felt like half my butt was showing.  
"We are going to a small lake. And yes, you are." She flashed her evil smile my way. There was no escaping Alice. I threw on a pair of jean shorts and a black, spaghetti-strap tank top over my swimsuit, and Alice and I walked out the front door.

There was Emmett's Jeep in the driveway, all 3,500 pounds of it. Edward was in the driver's seat, while Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were all in the backseat. I jumped in the front seat while Alice squeezed in the back. "Hey Bella!" Jasper said. I smiled at him, "Hi Jasper." Rose smiled at me, and I returned the smile. Edward leaned over and kissed me on my temple.

About five minutes into the drive, Emmett started. "Are we there yet?!" he asked.

"No." Edward replied. 30 seconds later : "Are we there yet?!"

"No" Jasper said, annoyed. 1 minute later: "Are we there YET?!"

"NO!" everyone snapped at him. I sighed, "Emmett, find something to do….." I looked in my purse and threw a deck of cards at him."Hey, thanks Bella!" he said, then, "HEY! LET'S PLAY GOLDFISH!!" Edward smirked while Rosalie hit her forehead with her palm.

"Ummm, Emmett…….it's GO-fish." I laughed while Rose amended, "….you moron…." I couldn't help but laugh more. The weirdest look crossed Emmett's face, like discovering fire for the first time. Jasper, Emmett, and I played Go-Fish for a while, and I ended up beating them. It was rather funny."LET'S PLAY I-SPY!" Emmett yelled. "I WANT TO GUESS FIRST!"

"Fine" Jasper sighed. " I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'S'" he said to Emmett.

"Sheep?"

"Nope"

"Sky?"

"Nope"

"Sun?"

"Sea?"

"Emmett, where's the sea?"

"Oh yeah, Sheep?"

"NO Emmett"

"Oooooh I know what it is"

"What?"

"Sunflower"

"Lord help me"

"Is it not that?

"No Emmett"

"Have I said Sheep?"

"Yes Emmett, 3 times."

I was laughing hysterically when we reached a clearing with a pond, and a waterfall. There were cliffs surrounding the pond turning it into a small reservoir. The waterfall was beautiful, about a 100 foot drop.

That looks like it would be painful.

I was pulled out of my thought as I heard splashing and squeals. I looked to the pond—which was where Alice and Jasper had already jumped in, and Jasper was carrying a screaming Rosalie over his shoulder.

"JASPERR! I said I wasn't. going. SWIMMING!" she screamed and pounded on his back. I giggled as Jasper threw her about 20 ft. out into the pound.  
"HEY BELLA! COME ON IN!" Alice yelled.  
"Um…I think I'll just stand over there…."I said pointing to a tree. There was no was she was going to get me to take my clothes off and show this swimsuit—

All of a sudden, my clothes were off. I was standing in my swimsuit…..I turned around to see, "EEEEMMMMEETTT!!!!!" I screeched at him. He had actually torn my clothes off of my body. "THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SHIRT!!!" but then I looked down, and realized that I wasn't wearing anything but my swimsuit, and I glanced at Edward, who, was smiling smugly, staring at me, up and down. So, I did the first thing I could think of, I ran into the water.

Edward was at my side in two seconds. I was treading water, staring at the 5 Vampires in front of me, when my head surged underwater.

I felt something pulling me down. I tried to swim to the surface with no success. I felt the water filling my lungs until I felt Edward's cold arms around me, pulling me back up. What had just happened? I could have sworn I saw all—then his head came up to the surface. "EMMETTT!" everyone yelled. I was too busy trying to make up for my lack of oxygen. Edward attacked Emmett, and Emmett went flying into the nearby cliff. They wrestled around in the water for about five minutes, holding each other down underwater. It really didn't do anything, seeing as neither of them needed to breath. It was rather hilarious.

"HEY! Let's have a diving/splash contest!" Alice chirped when Emmett and Edward joined us again. Well, this should be interesting.  
"Ummmmm, Alice, I think I'm just going to judge…." I said, raising an eyebrow at her. Everyone was already out of the water, and approaching the cliffs opposite of the water fall. Rosalie was up first, and she did a classical, graceful dive, plunging into the water. "7 on dive, 6 on splash! 13/20" I yelled from where I was treading water.

Jasper went next, and he did something that was totally cool, considering the immense height. He stepped right off the edge of the cliff, and right before he hit the water, he kind of did a summer-salt, kind of ON the water. It was amazing! Like he was walking on water…."10 ON DIVE, 5 ON SPLASH! 15/20! THAT WAS TOTALLY SICK, JASPER! BUT IT FALTED ON YOUR SPLASH!" I yelled. I knew they could hear me loud and clear. Emmett was so loud I could hear him "BOOO!" ing from all the way out here. I laughed.

Alice was next, and like the athletic, hyper, pixie she was, Her dive was amazing. She stepped out to the edge, then dove, a beautiful dive, spiraling in the air towards the water. It was amazing, but the splash lacked because she penetrated the water so perfectly and how small she was. "10 ON DIVE, 4 ON SPLASH!! 14/20!" I yelled. Next, next was Edward.

Edward ran off the edge, and threw himself into the air. He did a couple front flips, then a couple back flips, and, like Jasper, did a kind-of summer-salt, hand-stand, front flip into the water, but this splash was a lot bigger. I can easily say that was the best, even if it wasn't Edward that did that. "10 ON DIVE, 10 ON SPLASH!! 20/20!!!" I screamed, cheering. As Edward got out of the water, and ran back up to the top of the cliff, it was Emmett's turn. He didn't hesitate, he ran right off the edge, and did a cannonball, not angelic at all. He splashed into the water. Well, at least the splash was ginormic. I couldn't stop laughing at his dive though. "0 ON THE DIVE! 10 ON THE SPLASH! 10/20!" I got out after I finished laughing. I almost went underwater again I was laughing so hard. But then, Emmett was swimming over to me. "Emmett, don't eat me!" I fake pleaded, laughing.

He smirked, "I don't eat my friends under normal circumstances and unless they give me their permission." I laughed at him. "0 on the dive!" I said again, laughing.

He grabbed on to me, "That isn't fair, Bells! I'LL show you a GOOD dive!" he said as he held onto me and ran out of the water. "EMMETT! NO!" I heard Alice and Edward yell as Emmett raced to the highest cliff, the waterfall.

But it was too late. Emmett pushed me over the side of the cliff. I screamed like HELL as I plummeted towards the water, face first. Everything happened so fast, I could feel the splashing water of the waterfall, my hands covered my face. Ok, I knew my facts. At 100 ft drop into the water you die. End of story. But as I was plummeting towards the water, strong arms reached out and grabbed me, angled our bodies so that he would hit the water first. Emmett held onto me as his back broke the water, and we were thrown underwater. And, being my usual self, the last thing I remember was the blackness of the water as I faded into unconsciousness.

**Edward's POV:**

My heart stopped as I saw Emmett push my beloved Bella over the edge of the cliff. I thought I was going to cry, I felt like someone had just struck a knife through my chest and was slowly twisting it.

"BELLA!!" I screamed as I ran over to the cliff. But the next thing I know, Emmett had jumped off, and had grabbed Bella. I saw his back brake the water as they surged underwater. I jumped off the cliff as fast I could. I hit the water, and the next thing I heard was Emmett screaming in his mind,

_WHERE IS SHE?!!?!!_

The knife twisted slower, and harder as I dove farther into the water, searching frantically for my Bella. I saw her, unconscious, falling deeper to the bottom of the lake. I swam frantically and grabbed her. She needed air, now. I did the only thing I could think of: I pressed my lips to hers, and breathed air into her lungs, swimming towards the surface. I swam over to the edge of the lake, pulling her to shore. She still wasn't conscious. I pressed my lips back to hers, breathing air into her lungs, performing CPR.

I pressed my hands to her chest, and pushed, put my lips back to hers. Alice was concentration on her future. "Bella! Bella, please wake up!" I yelled frantically. 15 seconds later, she coughed up water, and started gasping for air.

**Bella's POV:**

I woke to water in my throat, I coughed for at least a whole minute before things became clear to me. Edward was standing over me, looking as if he were crying, if that were possible. I reached my hand up, and touched his cheek. I looked around and everybody was crowding over me, worried looks on their faces, before they started shouting.

"BELLA! Are you ok?!" Everyone yelled at the same time I couldn't tell who said what. "Bella, ohmaigawd, I was scared half to death!" "SHE'S ALIVE!" I sighed and tried to talk, but my voice was hoarse. It was the cliff diving incident all over again.

"I'm ok, guys. Really." I whispered. Edward leaned down, and kissed me, long and hard. I gasped as he broke away. "Are you well enough to stand?" he asked, looking at my body. I moved my legs, tried to get up, and before I could even stand I fell over, and gasped. "BELLA!" everyone yelled.

"I'm just EXTREMELY sore, guys. This is the cliff diving incident all over again." Edward leaned down and picked me up and walked over to the car. We had to walk up the trail that led over the cliffs to get to the car. I noticed Emmett had stopped on top of the cliff, looking nervous as Edward opened the car door to put me in. He strapped the seat belt and closed the door. That was when I figured out Emmett's origonal plan.

In the car, flying around was a BAT. A VAMPIRE bat, to be specific. Now, I know they aren't really vampires, and they suck the blood of animals, but, I couldn't help but scream MY HEAD OFF. I screamed and swatted at the bat, trying to tear my seatbelt off and get out of the car, even if I couldn't really walk. Edward threw the door open, and the bat flew out of the car. I was still screaming when Edward took me into his arms.

Now, normally, everyone, ESPECIALLY Emmett, would have been laughing their asses off. But considering that I had just almost died, then this, no one was laughing, and Emmett looked scared as a kid, backing towards the cliff as Edward turned slowly toward him, and gathered his voice to scream.

"EMMM—"

Edward was cut off, as, out of nowhere the random guy comes out of the trees, runs up to Emmett, and shoves him off the cliff. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN NEVER FINISH A SENTENCE!!" Emmett flew off the cliff and into the water as the guy turns towards us, and dusted off his hands, "I swear to God, if he doesn't stop fucking up I'm going to take a chainsaw to him" then he stomped off into the trees, leaving us standing there, mouths open, eyes wide, shocked. 2 minutes later, we were all still standing like that, when Emmett walks up to the car, soaking wet, and gets in the backseat. Without a word, everyone got in the car, and drove back to the Cullen house.

**A/N: So, what do you guys think? Sorry it took so long to get up. I-Spy part courtesy of borndancer. Thanks! I HAD to do something with the random guy. Lmfao. I might have something for the next chapter, stuff during school, but does anyone have any random ideas? THANKS SOOOO MUCH FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS GUYS!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**One of the Awesome Reviews:**

_lol so i finished.  
update soon  
i went into school today and was telling people about this  
i told my friend in class and we just escaped detentions (we were laughing so  
hard she was glaring at us SO much (it was worth it) haah)  
update soon  
please?_

_-Amanda_


	27. Locker Sundaes

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Fish……………  
Twin: ……..Stixx.  
Me and Twin: FISH STIXX!  
Emmett: Fish Sticks?  
Me: NO! FISH STIXX!  
Emmett: What's the difference?  
Me: Fish STIXX!  
Emmett: ……?  
Twin: as in stixx TO THE CEILING!!  
Emmett: wouldn't that still be STICKS?  
Me and Twin: NOOO! IT'S STIXX!  
Emmett: What does this have to do with the disclaimer??  
Me: Because when we take over the world…….  
Twin: ……including Twilight……  
Me and Twin: We're changing the alphabet.  
Emmett: You don't own Twilight, but remember when you take over the world……I was nice to you….**

_A/N: A lot of people asked me where I get my ideas from. I wanted to answer like this. Some of the little discussions and stuff is stuff that has happened with me and my friends. Like the disclaimer above, and the locker thing and the test thing in this chapter, and some of the stuff from Wal-Mart. Mostly, everything else just pops in to my head as I'm typing, sometimes someone will throw an idea at me. ENJOY!! :]_

Chapter 27: Locker Sundaes

The worst things happen to me when Edward is gone, and that's saying something. It's a school day, and Edward has gone hunting with Esme and Carlisle. Today, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper…….and…..Emmett, are going to be with me. Why didn't he just bring Emmett with him……Lord only knows. Literally.

I drove my loud, rusty truck into the school parking lot. When I got out, I was actually surprised that none of the Cullens had attacked me. I shrugged it off and went to my locker. I spun the dial on my locker, trying to get the numbers right. Why weren't they working? _14-37-5 _I kept thinking. I tried re-dialing, but missed the last number. Damn. I tried again, I seemed to work, the lever was going up, but it just wouldn't come open! What the heck? I tried again. _Finally!_ I thought as I was creaking open the locker, before I could even open it more than a crack, Emmett came up and leaned against the locker, slamming it closed.

"EMMETT!" I yelled. I mean, COME ON! He put on a clue-less face, "What?" he said, still against my locker.  
"In case you didn't notice, I FINALLY got my locker open, and before I could even open it, you slammed it closed." I said, crossing my arms.  
"Oh," he said, sounding like a moron. He stepped aside as I tried to spin my combination again. "Emmett, is there something you needed?" I said, a little suspicious about him showing up at my locker. It happened very fast. Just as I was opening my locker, Emmett smiled, and said "Oh, I just came to witness—"  
Then he was broken off by Alice, screaming, zooming down the hallway. She ran, and knocked me out of the way, just as my locker swung open and covered Alice in whipped cream. Emmett and I, stood there, shocked. Alice was standing there, now frozen, with a look that said she has had one-too-many of Emmett's jokes. Her spiked hair was now covered in whipped cream, as was most of her face and neck. I let out a small laugh, but then realized this was set up in MY locker. I turned and glared at Emmett. "EEEMMMMEEEETTT!!!" Alice and I shouted. Emmett turned and ran away with Alice chasing after him. I got up from the ground and closed my locker, and headed to first period, English.

When the final bell rang, something happened that I never thought would, and always prayed to God that it wouldn't: Emmett walked in my class. What the hell was he doing here? He gave the teacher a slip, then came and sat down next to me.

"What are you DOING here?!" I asked under my breath. He smiled.  
"Well, Edward's orders….I'm supposed to escort you around today in each class." What? I've gone to school before when Edward wasn't here. What's so special about today? Then I froze cold.  
"He caught scent of Victory?" I asked, but it came out sounding like a statement. Emmett's smile disappeared.  
"Don't worry about anything, Bella." He said, then gave me a reassuring smile**.(A/N: insert Bella's lame panic attack here. lol)**

"Ok, clear your desks. Pop Quiz" Mr. Angel said as he passed out a page of questions on what we've read so far in our books. In about 1 minute Emmett was finished with his. I finished mine 5 minutes later. There were about 11 questions. "Okay, take out a red pen. You're correcting your own papers." Mr. Angel said as we prepared to correct our papers. He jabbered on about the events in the book, while we corrected our answers.

"WOO! I'm on a roll!!" Emmett yelled, pleased with his correct answers.  
"It's only been 2 questions." I said, and the class burst out laughing.  
"SO!"

The rest of the class period went on in this same manner. When the bell finally rang, Emmett jumped up from his desk, sending his chair flying over onto the ground. "Emmett, you could be a little more careful with the furniture." I laughed as we made our way to the next class.  
"So….what class next, Bella?" I turned the corner to see Alice standing, tapping her foot, with her hands on her hips. The whip cream was all gone, and in its place—was chocolate. Yes, chocolate syrup, to be exact. Her hair, face, and even her clothes, were covered in chocolate. "ooohhhh sheeeett, Alice!" I said, stepping away from Emmett. Emmett grinned. "Emmett, What did you do this time?!" I asked when no one said anything.

"Emmet seems to have a thing for creating sundaes in lockers" Alice said, just as Rosalie and Jasper walked around the corner. What I saw had me burst out laughing. Rosalie was covered, in the same manner as Alice, in vanilla ice cream, while Jasper……Jasper was covered in what appeared to be cherries in cherry juice. How did Alice not see this…?

"Alice, how come you didn't have a vision?" I said after I was finished laughing. She turned to me, "Well, it seems a werewolf came in handy in setting this up." she said, turning back to glare at Emmett. Rosalie walked over to Emmett and slapped him in the back of the head."Moron" she muttered then walked off.

Jasper turned to Emmett, "Oh, brother, next period you will be sorry you did this." He said, grinning evilly, and then walked off. Without another word, Alice stormed off. I exchanged a look with Emmett before we walked off to our next period class, Home Ec., AKA cooking.

It was completely ironic for Emmett to be in this class today. This was the one class I didn't have with Edward, and was also a class that could be considered anti-vampire. Emmett and I walked over to my desk—which luckily I didn't share with anyone—just as the teacher walked in.

"Ok class, today we will be making……FUDGE!" the teacher said as the class erupted into cheers. I turned to smile at Emmett, who had a frown on his face. The teacher went over the instructions on how to make the chocolate fudge, then excused us to our work. "Come on, Emmett!" I said, grabbing his arm. He still had that same look on his face…

I mixed the ingredients then Emmett took over from there. "Emmett—pour this into the pan on the stove, will you? And stir it…." I said as he poured the chocolate mixture into the pan. He was acting so strange…. I started cleaning up the mess we had already made.

**Emmett's POV:**

Wow, this class could not be any more boring. I was bored out of my mind….hmmm….I usually don't get THIS bored… Suddenly I thought of something way cool. I saw it on one of those professional chef, cooking-show thingies. I quickly ran to the next class, metal working. I grabbed a torch, and ran back into the class. Bella didn't even notice I left. I took the torch and lit the brown gunk in the pan with it. It burst into flames—WAY COOL. Then smoke started enveloping around us and the fire alarm went of—AWESOME!.....Now what?

"AAAHHHGGG!!!!!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air as Bella turned, and screamed.

**Bella's POV:**

I smelled smoke at the same the school fire alarm went off. I turned and saw our fondue up in flames on the stove. "AAAHHHGGG!!!!!" Emmett yelled, throwing his hands in the air as I screamed.

"Uhh….WHAT DO WE DO?!!!? Uh….er….." I muttered, running around the kitchen, probably looking like one of those, panicking-anime characters. Everyone was shouting and screaming and running out of the room. Emmet just stood there, staring at the flames with a crazy grin on his face. Then he slowly walked over to the fire, reaching his hand out. I picked up a rolling pin and hit his arm as hard as I could with it. The rolling pin split in two as it came down on his arm. "EMMETT! SPARKLY VAMPIRES ARE FLAMMABLE!" I yelled. No one was in the room, so I could yell freely. The flames had spread, and were now on the entire kitchen island we worked at. They were spreading quickly—there was no way I could save us with one fire extinguisher. Emmett returned to himself though, threw me on his back, and ran out of the classroom—which was now being ambushed by firemen.

Emmett ran out to the field where everyone was lined up with their classes, everyone staring at us as Emmett ran at a human pace with me on his back, hiding my face in his shoulders. We were ambushed by a furious Rosalie, a smiling Jasper, and a humorous looking Alice. Rosalie started yelling at Emmett, while I raised my head, eyes wide with shock. I was clinging to Emmett's back with all my might.

"EMMETT, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?!?!!" Rosalie screeched. Everyone—every, single, person— on the field turned to glare at Emmett.

Emmett smiled proudly as he answered, "I got bored." Everyone groaned. Everyone knew that all hell breaks loose when Emmett gets bored. "So I remembered something I saw on TV…so I got a blow torch and took it to the brown goop." I groaned and hit my forehead with my palm. "Emmett….those are gourmet restaurants that use special equipment….and they don't use it on FUDGE!"

"Oh," he replied. Jasper burst into laughter. Emmett turned to him, "Shut up, Jazzy Sundae." He said with a smirk on his face.  
"Oh, Emmett…..payback's a bitch." That was when I understood. Jasper was sending immense waves of boredom at Emmett, and that's all it took for something to happen. Payback IS a bitch. I frowned. Now my class room was up in flames, my assignment burned to a crisp, and forced everyone to evacuate—because of Jasper's little emotions.

"Jasper…..you're so emo." I said, and then stormed off. The last thing I remember seeing was his shocked face, and Rosalie, Alice, and Emmett roaring with laughter.

Lesson learned: Never let Emmett fire. Or food. Ever, ever again.

THE REST OF THE DAY IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTERS.

**A/N: Yea, so like I said, this isn't over. It's just going to get better……Review? I LOVEE ALL YOU GUYS! I read and love and appreciate EVERY SINGLE REVIEW! They are amazing. Thanks so much, guys! ALSO, i'm having a colorful review contest. Whoever has the most interesting review will be posted on the next chapter that I put up!! Unless the Chapters are back to back, then I post it on the next chapter.**


	28. I'm BORED!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: poke.  
Twin: pokepoke.  
Me: pokepokepoke.  
Emmett: STOP POKING ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?!!  
Me: I see dead people.  
Emmett: Yea, it's called a vampire.  
Twin: Your future is troubled.  
Emmett: what?  
Me: You have 7 days to live.  
Emmett: !!!  
Twin: Run. Now. GO!!!  
Emmett: But you don't own Twilight, so it's not up to you. *smirks*  
Me and Twin: But we control this fanfic.  
Emmett: DAMN YOU!!!**

Chapter 28: I'm BORED!!

"I'm BORED!!" Emmett whined, 2 minutes into our history Class. Our sub was talking about Hitler. Emmett, being his usual self, was already bored. Uh-oh.

"Has anyone ever seen _Shindler's List_?" The sub asked.  
"OHH! _The Bucket List_?!" Emmett yelled. Everyone roared with laughter. I smirked as the teacher raised an eyebrow at Emmett. I could practically hear in his mind, _what did that kid take this morning?_

"Hey! Bella….I brought you some juice!" Emmett said, passing me a contained filled with liquid. I frowned, "Emmett, I am NOT going to drink any more alcohol!" I whisper yelled.  
"It's not alcohol. It's juice. I swear to.…Edward." he laughed as I took the container and downed it.

I don't know why I did it, but I just happened to be really thirsty. What could happen, right?

Big mistake.

**Emmett's POV:**

I didn't exactly know what a 'Monster' was, but it seemed like a damn cool drink! I had asked the cashier to make sure it didn't have any alcohol in it, so I bought it. Five minutes after Bella downed the whole thing, she started acting funny. She was jittery, and bouncing around in her seat, with a maniac grin on her face, like—like she was drunk. Oh shit.

The teacher stopped his lecture and eyed Bella suspiciously. "Miss….Swan, is it? Is there something you would like to share with the class?" He asked as every person turned to stare at Bella, bouncing up and down in her seat. I smirked as Bella answered.

"_NoImeanIdon'treallyknowwhyweareeventalkingaboutthisimeaniremembertalkingaboutthisin10thgradewealreadylearneditwhydon'twetalkaboutsomethingotherthanHITLER! hewassuchameanieandhewassoSCENE! Hehadhairthatcoveredoneofhiseyesitwassouglyandhekilledkatrillionsofpeople. Let'stalkaboutLLAMAS!!!"_ She said in one breath, so fast it was hard for the humans to completely catch it all. Everyone's eyes widened and some laughed.

"Miss Swan, are you perhaps high or drunk?" the sub asked.  
"nopeeee!" She stared off into space then randomly started singing.

_here's a llama  
there's a llama  
and another little llama  
fuzzy llama  
funny llama  
llama llama  
duck_

llama llama  
cheesecake  
llama  
tablet  
brick  
potato  
llama  
llama llama  
mushroom  
llama  
llama llama  
duck

Everyone stared with shocked expressions on their faces. The teacher took off his glasses, "Mike Newton, could you please go get the nurse…"

"NO!" she yelled, launching herself at Mike. She flew into him, crashing to the ground I laughed as Bella got up and ran over the teacher's desk. She sat in the swiveling chair and put her feet up on the desk, crossing her ankles.

"Miss Swan, then if you will not go to the nurse, could you please sit down in your seat?" the sub asked, choosing each word carefully, cautious not to say anything wrong. HAHA! This was better then I imagined. Bella jumped up from the desk.

"NOO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU'RE NOT A SPARKLY VAMPIRE!!!" She screamed, and then ran out of the room. I roared with laughter as everyone stared in shock at the door. I grabbed her bag and walked out the door after her.

**Alice's POV:**

My face went blank as I faded out of the classroom into the future….or precisely what was about to happen in 2 seconds.

_Emmett gave Bella some type of drink_

"_Miss Swan, then if you will not go to the nurse, could you please sit down in your seat?" the sub asked, choosing each word carefully, cautious to say anything wrong. Bella jumped up from the desk._

"_NOO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU'RE NOT A SPARKLY VAMPIRE!!!" She screamed, and then ran out of the room._

-End Vision-

I burst into laughter as everyone in my English class stared at me. We were quietly reading once again, and this was an exact replay of what happened when we all got detention. The teacher turned to glare at me.

"Miss Cullen….." She started. I am so SICK of this b—

"Shut UP!!!" I screamed. Her jaw dropped and everyone gasped. I turned back to my book.  
"Miss Cullen, I am fed up with your attitude."  
"Good for you. What do you want, a cookie?!" I said, not meeting anyone's eyes. Once again, everyone gasped. I heard whispers and giggles. But I didn't listen. I was thinking about trying not to murder my teacher with my painfully sharp, kick-ass, vampire teeth. If only she knew. Jasper was probably sending calming waves to both me and the teacher, but I just ignored it.

"Miss Cullen, leave my classroom." Was all she said.  
"Gladly." I said as I grabbed my stuff. Jasper and I stormed out of the classroom. Once we reached the quad, Jasper turned to me, "What did you see?" he asked.

"That," I said, pointing to the cement stage at the front of the quad. Jasper turned around, and let out a long laugh.

**Jasper's POV:**

I turned around to see Bella and Emmett on the stage, with speakers and a microphone. It looks like they invaded the DJ office. Bella and Emmett were dressed in gangster clothes. Bella was even dressed like a guy. They matched with sagging, baggy jeans, long white t-shirts, and visors turned on the side of their heads, and chain necklaces with dollar signs on them. Then the music started, just when the bell rang for lunch.

Emmett and Bella started singing. Err, trying to sing. Bella sounded drunk. Again.

Bella: _I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.  
_Emmett: _So tell me what you want, what you really, really want._  
Bella: _I wanna (ha)  
_Emmett:_ I wanna (ha)  
_Bella:_ I wanna (ha)  
_Emmett:_ I wanna (ha)  
_Bella:_ I wanna really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah  
_Emmett: _If you want to be my lover—_

Emmett was cut off as Rosalie screamed, "EMMETTT!! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ACTING GAY IN PUBLIC?!!??!!" Alice and I broke into laughter.

"ROSIEEE!" Bella squealed, then ran off the stage and jumped on Rosalie. Thank God, Rosalie didn't drop her. Not that it would have been an accident. Rosalie raised an eyebrow at Bella, who she was holding bridal-style was in her arms, and then turned to glare at Emmett. "She's drunk again, isn't she?!"  
"Nope," Emmett replied, popping the P. "I gave her something called a 'Monster'" he smiled. Alice, Rosalie and I hit our foreheads with our palms.  
"You gave her an ENERGY DRINK?!!" she screamed. Everyone in the quad was too busy laughing at Bella and Emmett's performance to hear us.

Bella was on her feet by now, and staring at the sky. Then she skipped off, "_I'mgoingtogofindallamaforEdward'sbirffdaypresent!" _she said, then ran right into a tree, and fell to the ground. Emmett and Alice laughed while Rosalie and I stared at her lying on the ground, not even bothering to get up.

"Emmett, how did this all start?" Rosalie asked.  
"I got bored," he replied. We all groaned.

Just then a voice came over the school intercom, "Isabella Swan, please report to the nurse's office." Bella jumped up.

"GOD HAS SPOKEN!!!" She screamed, "GOD SPOKE TO ME!!!" then ran to the nurse's office. Every, single, person, in the quad stared in silence at Bella. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and I exchanged looks, before running after Bella.

We entered the office as we heard Bella say, "HI!! God told me to come here!!!"  
"Miss Swan, I believe we are going to need to run some tests to see what you've been using or drinking." The nurse said, eyeing Bella suspiciously.  
"I don't think that will be necessary, Ms. Sage, Bella is not intoxicated. It's just that she had a Monster energy drink….she gets a little crazy when she drinks them. It should wear off in about 15 minutes." I told her, as Alice took Bella by the arm. Alice started towing Bella out of the office.

"Where are you taking me?! WAIT!!! NO!! GOD TOLD ME TO COME HERE!" she screamed. I looked back at Ms. Sage, who had her eyebrow raised.  
"I'm sure she'll be back to normal in a couple minutes." I said before we walked out of the nurse's office. By now lunch had ended and Bella was twirling in circles in the middle of the quad……..until she fell.

I could feel her emotions, and they were a little crazy. Luckily it wasn't strong enough to affect me like those cookies….

"Emmett, are you SURE you can handle the rest of the day….?" I asked, eyeing Bella, making snow angels on the pavement. Or, imagining she was…….

"Yea, yea. No problem……" He waved his hand as if it were nothing, turning with a huge grin on his face towards Bella. I sighed as Rosalie, Alice and I went our separate ways.

**Emmett's POV:**

"Come on, Bella! Let's go to gym class!" I laughed as I picked Bella up off the ground and slung her over my shoulder. She was mumbling something about 'llamas and jellybeans'. We came to the locker rooms, and I stopped. What am I suppose to do? I was standing, thinking, when Angela passed by.

"HEY! ANGELA!" I called, "Can you do me—err, us—a favor?! Bella had an energy drink and is acting drunk, can you help her get dressed for class?"  
"Yea, sure! Come on, Bella…" Angela said as she led Bella into the Girl's locker room.

I walked in the gym and waited. A couple of minutes later, Bella and Angela walked out. Bella seemed to be sobering up. Haha.

"Bella, my you're looking dapper today!" I said with a grin. She frowned. Yup, she's almost back. And when I say almost, I mean almost.

**Bella's POV:**

My head is killing me. What WAS that? Then Jessica and Lauren walked by, whispering and laughing.

"Hey, Bella, I was just telling everyone about your beautiful performance at lunch! I haven't had a good laugh in a LONG time!" Jessica said, laughing. I muttered something under my breath.  
"Did you just say she was a witch?" Emmett asked, smiling.  
"No, but it rhymes with that," I said with a smirk

NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON!!! :)

**A/N: So, what do you guys think? Lol I have had writer's block for a while, so sorry for not updating sooner. But now I have TONS of ideas…consisting of…….pranking Mike, an adventure in an amusement park, and so much more! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! Thanks so much guys! ALSO, i'm having a colorful review contest. Whoever has the most interesting review will be posted on the next chapter that I put up!! Unless the Chapters are back to back, then I post it on the next chapter.**


	29. Jellybeans and Tampons

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: llama……..  
Twin: …….flavored Jellybeans.  
Me and Twin: LLAMA FLAVORED JELLYBEANS!!  
Me: I wonder if they make Edward Cullen flavored Jellybeans?  
Twin: ooohhh I want a Jasper Hale flavored Jellybean!  
Me: ME TOO!! Mmmmmm  
Twin: Sadly, they don't sell those…..  
Me: So there is no way to own Twilight……  
Twin: ……..or its' Edward-Cullen-Jasper-Hale-flavored-goodness.**

Chapter 29: Jellybeans and Tampons

**Bella's POV:**

"Everyone Line up along the line! We're picking teams for Basketball!" Coach Clapp yelled as he walked into the gym of blabbering students. Oh no. Basketball. We lined up along the line as Emmett told Coach Clapp why he was here today…..whatever his excuse was.

"We need 4 captains! There will be two games….." he went on over the rules. When he finished he yelled, "Cullen! Newton! Stanley! Franchez! Team captains." Emmett, Mike, Jessica, and some kid named Greg walked forward and Emmett yelled, "I PICK BELLA!!" loudly. Disappointment clouded Mike's features.

"HEY! How come he gets to pick first?!" Mike whined. Emmett whirled around with a grin on his face, "Because I can whoop your ass, Newton." He laughed.  
"Oh yea?" Mike said, walking towards Emmett.  
"I'LL THUMB-WRESTLE YOU FOR IT!!" Emmett yelled. I laughed, even in THUMB-WRESTLING Mike was going to get his ass whooped.  
"YOU'RE ON!" Mike said. They went in closer and grabbed hands. "1-2-3-4-I DECLARE A THUMB WAR!" They yelled together, and then their thumbs took up protective stances. I let out a loud laugh. Mike looked over at me, distracted, and Emmett took his thumb down on Mike's. "I WIN!!" Emmett yelled. I tried to hide my laughter as coughs as Mike looked sadly at me.

After the teams were all organized, we started the games. It was our team versus Mike's. Emmett was working the court, he barely needed to pass the ball. But he still did, not that he needed to. It would seem rather not-human to not need to.

"BELLA! GRAB THE BALL BEFORE NEWTON!!!" Emmett yelled as the ball bounced past me. Mike was running after it, so I ran after the ball, right behind Mike. And tripped. I tripped and fell on Mike, who was knocked to the ground. I was on top of Mike, and the ball was slowly rolling right next to me. So I grabbed the ball and tossed it to Emmett. He shot it in the basket. "WHOOP!!" he yelled.

"NO FAIR!!" Mike whined. Emmet's booming laughter was heard all throughout the gym as we walked into the locker rooms. Maaan, I was thirsty. Before I got dressed, I grabbed my large bottle of Gatorade and downed it.

Only to find afterward, that it wasn't Gatorade.

**Emmett's POV:**

My pants started vibrating. What the hell?! OHMAIGAWD!!

"MY PANTS ARE VIBRATING!! AHHH!" I yelled. All the guys in the locker room turned to stare at me.  
"Dude, it's your phone."  
"Oh," I said feeling like an idiot. So maybe that's where they get it from….

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and looked at the text message I received;

_We're going hunting, and to help Edward pick up on Victoria's trail. Take care of Bella today…..NO TROUBLE. We'll be back later tonight._

_Jasper_

AHAHAHAH this was great! Now I can put my newest plan into acti—

My phone buzzed again.

_Emmett, don't even think about taking her sky diving without a parachute. Or sky diving at all for that matter._

_Alice_

Damn, stupid I-can-see-everything-you-do-so-don't-do-anything-future-seeing-vampire. I walked out of the locker room and my jaw dropped.

Bella was laying on the ground, in the middle of the parking lot, with nothing but a towel on. Oh, Eddie-boy's going to kill me. I smiled at the thought.

Angela was bending over Bella, trying to reason with her to get up and put her clothes on.

"Bellsy-boo! What'cha doin'?" I asked, trying not to laugh as I approached them. Angela sighed with relief.  
"Oh! Emmett! She drank something out of her water bottle and she's gone hay-wire again! She won't get up!!" Uh oh. I forgot I had put the rest of the Monster in the bottle I threw in Bella's bag when she ran off. There was alcohol in it that time, too. I wasn't going to give it to her. I was going to try it and see if it worked on me. Oops. I did it againnnn.

"Emmett, why do you have a crazy look on your face, and why are you singing 'Oops, I did it again' by Brittney Spears?" Angela asked. Oh, was I singing that out loud?

I picked Bella up off the ground while she held onto the towel around her. Once again she was mumbling about llama-flavored Jellybeans.

"What's that about llama-flavored Jellybeans, Bella?" I laughed as Angela led her into the locker room to get dressed. When they walked back out—or, in Bella's case, jumped out—of the locker room, I grabbed Bella and put her in my jeep.

"My, what a BIG jeep you have….." Bella mumbled, and then burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes as I got in the driver's seat and took off towards our house.

"EMMY!!! I WANT A ALIGATOR!!!" she screamed.  
"Bella, It will eat you alive..…"  
"I don't care I WANNT ONEE!!!" she screamed, high-pitched, like one of those bratty little kids. I laughed.  
"You're my favorite colooorrr!" she laughed. I don't think that made any sense even in her OWN mind. But, being the amazingly awesome Emmett, I decided to have fun with this.  
"You're my favorite water-fountain," I said.  
"You're my favorite SHOE!"  
"You're my favorite hair color!"  
"You're my favorite DOOR!!"  
"You're my favorite LOCKER!" I yelled. We reached the house by now, and we walked through the door to the living room.

Bella was about to walk in after me but missed the doorway and walked into the wall. I laughed.  
"EMMETT! THE WALL HIT ME! WHO PUT THAT THEREE!!"  
"God. It's God's sign to you."  
"OHMAIGAWSHNESS!! I GOT 2 SIGN'S FROM GOD IN ONE DAY!!......I wonder what it means…." She mumbled the last part. She got up and started knocking on the wall, "GOD? HELLLOOO! ARE YOU IN THERE?!" I roared with laughter. Then, suddenly, being the amazingly-smart-beautiful-incredibly-strong-kick-ass-vampire I am, I thought of the bestest idea ever.

"I have an idea!" I exclaimed. "We can prank call Edward! He will never know it's us!"  
"OKIE!!" She jumped up and down. She started running for the phone, but didn't see the couch in the way, so she ran into the couch, and flipped over the back of it, landing on the ground.

" COUCH HIT MEE." She moaned. I roared with laughter as I picked up the phone. I quieted and dialed Edward's number—blocking our number of course. The phone rang once before he answered.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Yes…." I said in a squeaky voice that no one could recognize, "We have received your complaint about your tampons…..we have the manager on the line, please hold."

"Wait—I didn't complain about any tampons!! Who is this?" Edward asked. I blocked the phone speaker and whispered to Bella, telling her to disguise her voice. I handed Bella the phone.

"Hello??" Edward asked.

"Hiya! We are so sorry your tampons dint stop you problemzes. We are gunna help. Firstest you gotta push it—"

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!!" Edward yelled, cutting off Bella's slurred words.

"Hey, that my name!!" she yelled. I roared with laughter.

"Bella, could you please hand the phone to Emmett?" Edward asked calmly.  
"whyyyy? I thoughted you wants to talk to meh!" she whined.  
"I do, but I need to speak to Emmett first…."  
"OKIIEE! EMMY-BEAR!!" she yelled, and ran into the wall again. "OHMAIGAWSHNESS! IT'S ANOTHER SIGN FROM GOD!!" she yelled. I burst into more laughter.  
"Bella! I'm over here!" I said, waving to her. I picked up the phone, "h-hello?" I asked, laughing.

"EMMETT! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!?!"

"Wellll……today I gave her something called a 'Monster' when we were at school……she went crazy. Acting like she was drunk. Well, it wore off later. I had a bottle of more of it mixed with alcohol for ME, but when I grabbed Bella's stuff it slipped in there, and she drank it. It was a complete accident."  
"Yea, just like EVEERYYYY thing else you do! "  
"Look, Eddie, is everyone with you?"  
"DO NOT CALL ME EDDIE! Yea, and I can see today's events going through their heads. I mean, wh—A FIRE?!!? YOU CAUGHT BELLA'S CLASS ON FIRE?!?!! SHE COULD HAVE BEEN HURT! EMM—" I pushed End on the cell phone and snapped it shut.

"OKAY Bellsy-boo, what do you want to do now?"

**Edward's POV:**

Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were finished hunting a couple minutes before my phone went off. I looked at the number, but it was private. I answered.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Yes…." There was a squeaky sounding voice,"We have received your complaint about your tampons…..we have the manager on the line, please hold."

"Wait—I didn't complain about any tampons!! Who is this?" I asked. Alice, Jasper and Rosalie roared with laughter. "Wow, Edward, I didn't think you needed those…." Rosalie laughed.

"Hello??" I asked again.

"Hiya! We are so sorry your tampons dint stop you problemzes. We are gunna help. Firstest you gotta push it—" hey, I knew that voice anywhere…..everyone behind me was roaring with laughter.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!!" I yelled, cutting off Bella's slurred words.

"Hey, that my name!!" she yelled. I heard Emmett roar with laughter. Behind me, Alice and Jasper were in hysterics and Rosalie not far behind.

"Bella, could you please hand the phone to Emmett?" I asked calmly.  
"whyyyy? I thoughted you wants to talk to meh!" she whined.  
"I do, but I need to speak to Emmett first…."  
"OKIIEE! EMMY-BEAR!!" she yelled, and ran into what sounded like the wall. "OHMAIGAWSHNESS! IT'S ANOTHER SIGN FROM GOD!!" she yelled. Alice, Rosalie and Jasper burst into more laughter.  
"Bella! I'm over here!" I heard Emmett say. He picked up the phone, "h-hello?" he asked, laughing.

"EMMETT! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!?!" I yelled, furious.

"Wellll……today I gave her something called a 'Monster' when we were at school……she went crazy. Acting like she was drunk. Well, it wore off later. I had a bottle of more of it mixed with alcohol for ME, but when I grabbed Bella's stuff it slipped in there, and she drank it. It was a complete accident."  
"Yea, just like EVEERYYYY thing else you do! "  
"Look, Eddie, is everyone with you?"  
"DO NOT CALL ME EDDIE! Yea, and I can see today's events going through their heads. I mean, wh—A FIRE?!!? YOU CAUGHT BELLA'S CLASS ON FIRE?!?!! SHE COULD HAVE BEEN HURT! EMM—" the line went dead.

I sighed and turned around to face my family. They were silent for 2 seconds, and then burst into roars of laughter.

**Emmett's POV:**

"Bella? Are you sure you want to go through with this….?" I asked. She was better, but not completely. She was still hyper.

"YUPP!!" she exclaimed, popping the P.  
"Good, because I wouldn't let you back out even if you wanted to," I laughed as I handed her the ringing phone. Then someone answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mike, this is Bella……"

**A/N: ooohhh! Cliff hanger! LOLOLOL. What will happen? Why the hell is Bella calling Newton?! Next chapter!! :) Courtesy of Tampon prank to spriknledwithtwilight from "What Happens when Emmett is left alone with Bella". THANKEES!! Once again, most 'colorful' and unique review gets posted! That means if you use crazy words and stuff lawlz. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN THE NEXT CHAPTER, the more reviews I get, the faster the next chapter gets posted! LURVE YOO GUYZZ!**


	30. The Darkness awaits, Newton

**Disclaimer:**

**Emmett: So how were those llama-flavored Jellybeans?  
Me: full of fun, and joy, and joyfulness…….  
Twin: ……..just like our favorite Twilight hunk…..  
Me: ….. JACOB!!!  
Emmett Jasper Edward: WHAT?!!!?!  
Twin: yuppers, he's puppy-licious.  
Me: hey…..I wonder… if we buy a dog…..  
Twin: …….and name it Jacob…..  
Me: Will we own something from Twilight??  
Edward: no…..  
Jasper: …….you don't own ANYTHING from Twilight.  
Me: Hey! Twin! I gotz a GREAT idea how we can make those Edward-Cullen and Jasper-Hale-flavored Jellybeans….  
Twin: ……Mmmmmmm…  
Jasper: oh shit.  
Edward: RUNN!!**

**A/N: This chapter is extra-long because this is the 30****th**** chapter!! This story has almost 400 reviews!! Thanks so much to all of my readers! I lurvvvvee yoo guyzz!  
P.S. Jacob isn't my favorite Twilight hunk. I was joking…Edward and Jasper are, of course!!**

Chapter 30(WOOO! 30 CHAPTERS!!): The darkness awaits, Newton.

**Alice's POV:**

We were done right after Edward got his little "phone call". I giggled. Jasper looked over at me strangely.

We took off running towards home. I stopped dead in my tracks, my eyes glazing over. I gasped as I was thrown into an awful vision, "Bella" I choked. Jasper was at my side in a nano-second, everyone right behind him. "Alice, what do you see?" he asked, his hands on my shoulder. I repeated what I saw:

"Bella,"

"_She's in a dark room. Awfully dark. Glass walls show it's snowing outside—snowing hard. A blizzard. She's walking. Mike is in front of her. She trips—on something hard. She falls, and is about to get back up when something grabs her legs from the darkness. She—she is pulled by her legs into the dark. Her hands are—are grabbing at the ground, scratching, trying to get away. Her screams, ear-piercing high screams fill the room. Mike runs away, yelling. She—she is alone as she is pulled into the darkness."_

_-End Vision-_

I gasped as I was pulled back to the present. Jasper's worried face was 2 inches from mine. I turned to Edward, who had worry written all over his face. He looked in pain, and dazed. Then he took off. He ran, faster than I have ever seen him run. We ran after him.

Close to home, I stopped again. My vision blurred. "Edward, wait!!" I yelled, and he came running back.  
"Alice—I don't have TIME for this!!" he hissed.  
"Edward, wait, just look!" I said as I was thrown into another vision.

"_Bella, ok, let's go over the plan, and hopefully Alice will be having a vision of what I'm saying right now. Mike, Tyler, Jessica, Lauren, and Eric are coming, they think it's a party………………" Emmett explained the plan._

_-End Vision-_

I laughed as I came back to the present. I looked over and saw Edward laughing, too. Jasper and Rosalie looked at us with questioning expressions. "It's a joke on Newton," was all I said, and understanding crossed their features. They laughed. I told them about the plan of Emmett's.

"So let's hurry up and get back there!" I said as we raced to the house.

**Bella's POV:**

Ughh. The headache is back, but I have "sobered up". But I do have to admit, this plan I came up with was amazing!! Well, there was a LITTLE help from Emmett, but it was mostly my idea.

We heard footsteps in the house, and Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie walked into the living room. "Hey guys!!" Emmett boomed. Edward came over to the couch I was sitting on and cradled me to his chest, "I missed you" he said, breathing in my scent.

"I missed you too. I suppose you already know what happened today??" I asked, with a frown on my face.  
"Yes, Emmett is actually giving me a replay in his head right now of what happened when the others weren't there…." He said, frowning, but then smirking, but then frowning again. And then a MURDEROUS look crossed his face. "EMMETT! Stop thinking about that!" He said in a chilling voice.

"HAHA. So I guess I've seen more of your girlfriend naked than even you, Eddie-boy!" he laughed, then took off running as Edward jumped off the couch and sprang after him. That's when realization hit me: I had lied down in the middle of the school parking lot, FILLED with students, wearing nothing but a seriously-small towel. I buried my face in my hands.

"What is he talking about, Bella?" Rosalie asked in a concerned voice. I groaned. But then I felt waves of guilt hit me, courtesy of Jasper.

"After I got re-drunk, after school, when I was going to get dressed…..I walked into the parking lot, full of kids, and lied down on the ground in nothing but a small towel," I moaned and buried my face in my hands again. They roared with laughter.

When Edward and Emmett walked back in, Emmett had twigs in his hair, dirt smudged on his face, and most of his clothes were torn off of his body. I burst into laughter as he walked back upstairs to change.

In a couple of minutes he was back downstairs, and the doorbell rang. "I assume you guys already know the plan….??"  
"Yes, Emmett," Edward said with a sigh. "You should thank me for letting you do this,"  
"Thank you oh wonderful Edward. I worship the ground you walk on." Emmett said with sarcasm.  
"It was my idea!" I yelled. If he thought he was going to take cre—  
"WAS NOT!!" he yelled.  
"WAS TOO!"  
"WAS NO—"  
"EMMETT, SHUT UP!!" Edward roared. Emmett pouted as Alice went to answer the door. I looked around and Alice had set up the house extremely quickly, so it DID look like a party was going to happen. Even music was playing.

"Hi guys!" Alice sang, "Come on in!" In walked Mike and Jessica, looking around. 2 minutes later Lauren arrived, and after that Tyler and Eric. Mike and Jessica were dancing while Tyler, Lauren, and Eric were whispering over at the food table. 15 minutes later, they asked, "When is everyone else getting here?"

"They were supposed to already be here. It's snowing pretty hard….Hey, Alice, turn on the TV." Edward said as Alice turned on the TV to the news stations.

"…_.It's the blizzard of the season, people. No one should leave their house. Stay inside, stay warm. Wind reaches 60 miles per hour, and the snow has already fallen 4 feet….."_ the newsman said.

"Everyone is probably staying at home…..I'm going to try and call the people we invited." Rosalie said, picking up the phone. She dialed a number, it rang once, then cut out. The dial-tone was heard, and then nothing. "Phone's not working. Line's dead." Rosalie said, with a sort-of, scared expression. I laughed on the inside. Rosalie, intimidating vampire, scared? Please, just please.

I was sitting on the couch, in front of the TV with Edward, when the TV cut out. It went black and white fuzzy, then black. Jessica was starting to look freaked and grabbed onto Mike. Emmett was nowhere to be seen. He had said he needed to use the bathroom about 10 minutes ago. Then the lights went out. The room was dark, and we heard thunder from outside replace the dying music.

Lauren squealed. I could tell Jasper was sending waves of fear at them. There was a movement in the room. "WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Jessica screeched, pointing at a cloak-shaped blackness that had just moved at the end of the darkest part of the room, under the stairs.

"What was what?" Edward asked, playing dumb.

From upstairs we heard the yelling scream of Emmett.

Jessica, Lauren, and……Eric? Screamed, and Mike and Tyler about jumped out of their skin. I let out a fake cry as I clung to Edward. Jasper was sending waves of fear at me also, because I had "poor acting skills". I knew it was all a joke, and I was helping, but I couldn't help but get caught up in the emotions Jasper sending to me. I whimpered into Edward's chest quietly. "Shhh, love, it's ok," Edward cooed in my ear, way too low for the others to hear across the room.

"EMMETT!" Rosalie screamed, as she raced up the stairs. When she reached the bathroom, She let out an ear-piercing scream. "NO!!" she screamed. I had to admit, she was a great actress. Everyone rushed upstairs and saw the blood. Blood—or should I say, fake blood—was splattered all over the room. Rosalie was in hysterics, screaming. Jasper pulled her to his chest, in a brother-sisterly way, and she hit his chest and screamed and cried and tried to break free. Oh, did I mention she was a good actress?

We ran into the hall, trying to escape whatever had happened. "OH MY GOD!" Lauren said as she threw up into a trash can. Eric was shaking, and Mike looked petrified. But where….

"Where's Tyler?!" I asked. Everyone turned to meet each other's eyes, looking for Tyler.  
"I think he stayed down—" Eric was cut off as everyone ran downstairs. "WHERE IS HE?!" Lauren screamed. There was absolutely, no Tyler.

"Ok, let's not panic." It was the first time Alice had spoken since the lights went out. "he probably just went to the other bathroom or something……let's go to the other bathroom upstairs." Alice said as we made our way up the stairs. But Lauren was still standing there, frozen, staring at the dark hallway past the stairs. I noticed—but nobody else did, because I was last—that a cloaked figure ran up to her, she let out a scream for a millisecond before it covered her mouth. Her strangled screams were heard as everyone turned around—but nothing was there.

"LAUREN!!!" Jessica screamed, clutching to Mike's shirt. The fear Jasper was sending out was enormous, and I let out another whimper and shook. Edward put his arm around my waist and pulled me tighter to him, calming my mind instantly. Edward felt so safe, it put everything out of my mind. But now I noticed—"Where's Rosalie?!" I whispered, and everyone turned to look at where they thought she was. She had never left the bathroom. "Oh God." Mike finally said. I looked at him. He was shaking horribly, eyes staring off into space. I almost laughed, and Jasper sensed it, and sent more fear at me, and I cowered into Edward. I glanced up and saw Edward send a stern look at Jasper. I could almost hear him say '_that's enough._ _Stop scaring her.'_

Edward looked down, and our eyes met. His eyes were full of concern and a protective warmth, I could sense him telling me that it was ok, that he was here. I felt completely safe with him.

Jasper was walking down the hall ahead of us in the dark, "Guys—I don't believe this. I don't believe in ghosts or demons or whatever the hell else it is in this hou—" Jasper's words were strangled and cut off as there was a loud bang and slicing sound, and a yell.

"JASPERR!!!" Alice screamed, "NOOO! I SEE IT!! I'M GOING TO KILL IT!! GET BACK HERE!!!" Alice screamed louder, picking up a wood plank off the wall—whatever it was—and running after it into the darkness. I heard a thud, and I could faintly see Alice beating Emmett with the plank. I almost let out a laugh. I could hear him, "What the fuck was that for?!!?" Luckily the others were too busy running and screaming to hear. I heard Alice scream, and the sound of a broken window. "That's what you get!" I faintly heard Emmett. I could only imagine he threw Alice out the window…..again. We all ran down the opposite hallway.

We were all breathing heavily as Eric was leaning on a door at the end of the hall. The door was a heavy door. Suddenly the door opened, and Eric fell into the dark room, and door the slammed shut and locked. We all screamed. Edward pretended to yell. Mike was banging on the door until there was a chainsaw noise from the other side of the door. Then we all screamed and ran back down the hallway. But Jessica didn't stop. The emotions of fear were increasing, do to Jasper, and Jessica ran right into the bathroom that had been splattered with blood, and shut and locked the door behind her.

**Jessica's POV(eww):**

This would like, make like, a great like gossip story, if it like, wasn't happening to like me.**(A/N: I just HAD to use like. Sorry if I LIKE, annoyed anyone, lawlzz)**

I backed into the like bathroom away from the door. How could this be like, happening, like? I mean, like one minute I'm like, dancing, and then, like, I'm like running for my life! LIKE!

I backed into a like, clothy material. I spun around, and like, thank GOD it was like, the shower like curtain. Then, like, all of a sudden, it slid out and like a robed guy grabbed me! LIKE!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, like, a lot. Like.

**Mike's POV:**

Jessica's scream was horrible. I threw open the door, only to find more blood covering the bathroom than before. I screamed as I ran away from the door. I was standing next to Cullen, who was holding a scared-to-death-looking Bella. Man….if only I could be him in our last few moments…..

I could of sworn I heard him snicker. But then the hooded figure came swooping down the dark hallway, it spoke in an eerie voice, "The one I want nowww issss Bellaaaaa," it hissed. I screamed with Bella as Cullen took a protective stance over her, positioning himself in front. "Never," he said as he charged at the figure. He collided with it in the darkness, and then there was nothing more of Edward Cullen.

Bella's screams and cries filled the house, and her sobs were the worst reaction than anyone that was here. Now it was only me and her. I needed to find some way to get us out. That's it, we had to leave.

"Bella, let's go!" I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her down the hallway.  
"Where?!!?!" she screamed between sobs. "We have to get out," I said then continued down the dark hallway, headed for the stairs at the end. I walked in front, Bella behind me. We ran down the stairs and down the hall into the living room when the TV came back on, but it was all black and fuzzy, making a horrid "SHHHHHHH" sound. I heard a thud, I turned around to see Bella had tripped, and she was about to get up when two dark hands reached out from the extremely dark hallway and grabbed onto her legs and pulled her. Her screams were ear-piercing and horrible as she clawed at the ground with her nails, trying to get away, then she was dragged into the darkness, and there was another blood-curdling scream. I ran. I Ran as fast as I could down the hallway, to the door. I had almost reached the door when I tripped and flew into the wall, and passed out.

**Bella's POV:**

I was screaming, screaming louder than I ever had before. Thanks oh so much do to Jasper's wonderful waves of fear he was sending at me. It was my "grand finale" as they had put it. As soon as I was in dragged into a room I felt strong arms around me, quieting my sobs. I looked up to see Edward rubbing my back, and whispering to me that it was ok. We were the only ones in the room. It was his room. "Oh, Edward! I know it was all fake, but seeing you—" he cut me off, "it's ok, I know. Seeing you like that…..I almost died." He said as he leaned down and kissed my tears away. Then kissed my lips, and everything vanished. It was just me and him, his cold, beautiful lips on mine, moving passionately with mine……until I heard Mike scream. Then we broke away and we laughed.

"Well, it seems Newton has passed out…." Edward said as we got up from his bed. "which…..Emmett seems to have a great idea."  
"Oh no," I grumbled.

We walked downstairs to find Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Emmett bending over Mike. Emmett had a large sleeping bag. "Emmett—what are you doing?" I asked, rolling my eyes.  
"Oh, hi Bellsy-boo! I'm just going to put Mike in this sleeping back here…….and hang it from a tree." He said with delight. We all laughed. Emmett put Mike inside the sleeping bag, zipped it up, leaving a tiny hole for air, and then blocked the zipper with something so that it wouldn't open. Emmett carried Mike outside and farther into the forest, and used a rope and tied the sleeping bag to a tree. Jasper had driven Mike's car over so that he wouldn't get too lost after he eventually got out.

We walked back to the house and I walked into Edward's room and went to sleep.

**Mike's POV:**

It was morning when I woke, the previous night's events flashing in my mind. Then I opened my eyes and screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Bella's POV:**

I woke to a scream. I opened my eyes and glanced up at Edward, "Mike?" he nodded, and we roared with laughter. After a while, we calmed down, and then a thought occurred to me:

"Where's Jessica, Lauren, Eric, and Tyler?"

**A/N: Soooooooo……what do you guys think? *wags eyebrows* lurvvvee it? I wanted to scare the crap outta Mike, and a reviewer gave me the sleeping bag idea!! MORE REVIEWS MEANS SOONER I POST NEXT CHAPTER!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! I lurve you guys! You guys are all amazing reviewers! They make me soooooo happy! Like my own, personal brand of heroine…..LOLOLOL**

**OH YEAS, I forgot to post the person with the most interesting review on the last chapter! So here is the 2 most interesting reviews:**

_LMFAO!! You are freaking amazing i love your story!! Like every minute i  
would start cracking up and i was defenitly on the verge of falling out of my  
chair and when you had that random guy.. when he kept getting interupted by  
everybody screaming Emmett's name i about passed out from lack of oxygen..  
while i was reading ur AMAZING story my mother yelled at me saying... her  
excat words!!: "Ashley Elizabeth why do you keep laughing every 2 minutes its  
12 in the morning an your brother is trying to sleep what the hell is so  
fucking funny?" After that i started cracking up at her face ur should have  
seen it... PRICELESS. But i replied "Ok mom take a chill pill it's a Twilight  
fanfic and its freakin hilarious you should read it." haha she was cracking up  
after she read the one chapter when Jasper painted the pool!! soo back to the  
present i really hope you review soon cause i just dont want you to i need you  
too!! or i may just pass out and not regain concissnees.. thhan it would be  
all your fault i dont think you want a murder case on your record!! lmao.. so  
REVIEW you know you want to... Oh yeah did i mention that I LOVE YOUR STORY...  
GENIUS._

~ASHLEY~

**AND:**

_I love this story The llama song is hilarious, me and my friend were like  
listening to it in the computer rooms when we were supposed to be doing some  
research for this assignment thingy we had! it was hilarious. we turned it up  
full ball and the teacher didnt even care!  
Omgsh have you played 'The Excorsist Scary Maze Game' ? If u havent i suggest  
u do, just go onto google and type that in it'll prob come up as one of the  
first ones, anyways I was doing it in tech once, and I had it up so loud, and  
when the excorsist pops up and yells at the end i screamed soo loud, the  
teacher got so mad!! (oops) and then I made him do it, he almost fell off his  
chair!!  
This story is way awsome it cracks me up every time, u have great material  
and I cant wait for ur next update!!_

Lots of Love  
Jes x. (:

HAHA! Jessica and Ashley have been following and reading my story from the beginning! Thanks guys! Also thanks so much to all of the other people that have been following it like bluesky96.


	31. Being Sarcastic With Emmett

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Duck…..duck……duck………….EDWARD!!  
Twin: *Gets up and chases after me* OHMAIGAWSHNESS!!  
Me: *runs around circle and sits back down in between Jacob and Edward* PHEW! That was a close one, guys!  
Edward: riiiiiighttt  
Jacob: you guys made all of us, stop what we were doing, sit in a circle, for you to play duck duck goo—I mean Edward, and not even tag us.  
Twin: Duck……..Duck……Duck…….Duck…….EDWARD!! *Tags me*  
Me: *Gets up and chases after Twin* BAHAHAHA!  
Twin: *runs around circle and sits back down in between Jacob and Edward* GAWSH, she almost had me!  
Edward: Ok, I'm leaving….  
Me: NO!! YOU WILL STAY RIGHT HERE AND PLAY DUCK, DUCK, EDWARD!!!!  
Jacob: but you don't own Twilight, or us….  
Twin: DAMN YOU!!!**

Chapter 31: Being Sarcastic with Emmett

A/N: Ok, so this is a short one I HAD to write down. I am a VERY sarcastic person, and it came to me when I was taking my dog for a walk.

Her I was, sitting on the couch in the Cullen house, watching TV……when HE comes in.

"HEY BELLA!! What are you doing?" Emmett boomed.  
"What does it look like I'm doing? Baking a cake." I said, rolling my eyes.  
"REALLY! Can I have some?"  
"Emmett, you can't eat cake!"  
"SO! I wanted to try it…."  
"Emmett, I'm not making a cake."  
"But you just said you were—"  
"Does it LOOK like I'm baking a cake?!"  
"No, but you said you were and you said it looked like you were so…"  
"Emmett, do you know how to bake a cake?"  
"No."  
"Well, it doesn't involve sitting on the couch doing nothing but watching TV."  
"I thought it might be invisible."  
"Emmett, everyone has the right to be stupid, but you're abusing your privilege."  
"What was the limit?"  
"What?"  
"What was the limit to being stupid? I need to know so in the future—"  
I smacked my forehead with my palm.  
"Emmett, there is no limit. You just don't do it—"  
"But you just said I was abusing my privilege!!"  
"Emmett, I'm not fluent in IDIOT, so please speak slowly and clearly."  
"Well maybe you should take a class."  
"I don't think the teacher would be smart enough to teach it."  
"Oh? Why is that?"  
"Because the teacher would be you."  
"Why would I be the teacher? I don't teach…."  
"That's my point."  
"What's your point? That you should take a language that might be useful?"  
"Taking that language would only be useful when talking to YOU, Emmett…."  
"What were we talking about??"  
"Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?"  
"But I already put as much effort in as possible!"  
"What?"  
"I mean, come on, it's hard trying to be impossible."  
"Emmett, I wasn't ser—"  
"So all my hard work is for nothing?"  
"Emm—"  
"WAIT! If I put in hard work, why would it be impossible?"  
"Well, Emm—"  
"I mean, I put in work and get negative? Why don't you just tell me that up is down…."  
"Up is down." Oh, I couldn't resist.  
"WHAT!!! IT IS?!?!"  
"Uhhhh"  
"So if up is down, where is up?"  
"Down."  
"But if it's down, it's not up. Or is it….?"  
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."  
"But I'm not unarmed, I'm a Vampire!"  
"But your mind is unnarmed."  
"No—I have SUPER STRENGTH!!"  
"All men are annoying. WAIT! NO! Not all men are annoying—some are dead."  
"Whose dead?"  
"Your mom."  
"MY MOM'S DEAD?!?!"  
"Yea, like 50 years ago."  
"WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!?!!"  
"Well, it was kind of assumed since she wasn't immortal."  
"How can dead people not be annoying?"  
"Because they don't talk—Oh wait, nevermind. Dead people are still annoying—they remind me of you."  
"How do dead people remind you of me?"  
"Because they don't have a heart beat, they don't need to breath. But they are still an improvement—they don't talk."  
"I thought it was a good thing to talk."  
"Not when you're Emmett."  
"I like to talk. It's a good thing."  
"I can see that, and it's not a good thing for everyone else."  
"It's a good thing for ROSE when we are—"  
"OHH UGHH!!! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT!!"  
"Why, because you and Eddie-boy haven't experienced it yet??"  
"No, because you guys—too many freaks, not enough circuses."  
"Why wouldn't there be any circuses?"  
"Because THERE JUST AREN'T!"  
"I want to go to the circus!"  
"GOOD! Maybe you can go live there!"  
"But what would you do without me…?"  
"Does being sane count as an answer?"  
"I don't know—is it possible?"  
"……I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."  
"It might have something to do with being amazing…"  
"Amazingly idiotic. YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!"  
"Chaos, panic, and disorder—my work here is done." Was all he said before he walked out. Remind me never to be sarcastic with Emmett again.

**A/N: Sorry if some of them seem lame. When I'm being sarcastic it just comes to me on the spot. And, yes, I will be doing the build-a-bear idea…**


	32. Prank Calls

**Disclaimer:**

**Edward: Can we leave now??  
****Me: NO!!  
****Twin: WE AREN'T DONE, ED-WEIRDO!!  
****Jasper: Can I leave??  
****Me: NOPE.  
****Edward: I do not see a point to this.  
****Twin: JUST PICK A COLOR!!  
****Edward: Blue.  
****Me: Your fortune says that you will belong to us.  
****Jasper: If I wanted my fortune I would of gone to Alice, not some folded, paper-thingy.  
****Twin: NO ONE ASKED YOU!!!  
****Edward: Besides, these don't come true. End of story.  
****Me: hey, Twin!! Do you want to make that Edward Cullen sundae now?  
****Edward: Oh…….shit.**

Chapter 32: Prank Calls

I woke up in the Edward's bed. It was another "sleepover" with Alice, while everyone was away hunting. This time Emmett had gone with them, he was tired of always going alone. I felt the giant kind size bed shaking, so I sat up groggily and looked at Alice, who was jumping up and  
down on the end of the bed. She jumped so high she could touch the ceiling if she stuck her arm up.

"Come on," bounce "Bella," bounce "get up," bounce "so we can," bounce "DO STUFF!!!" finally in mid air she flew upwards and threw her legs out, landing on the bed on her back.

"Let the human sleep!!" I groaned.  
"NOPE!! We need to find something to do……" I could practically see the light bulb turn on above her head as a wicked grin spread across her face. "LET'S PRANK CALL PEOPLE!!!"

Actually, that sounded fun. I had so much fun when I prank called Snape. "Okay," I said, getting up. After I got my shower, and got dressed—by Alice, of course—we walked downstairs and Alice swiftly grabbed the phone. "Who do you want to call?" I asked. We thought about it for a minute, then we both yelled "EMMETT!!" she dialed the number, and after the first ring he picked up.

"Hello?" he answered

*Silence*

"Hellooo….?" he asked impatiently. Then Alice started breathing heavily into the phone.

"Seven days….." she whispered in an eerie, completely creepy voice. Then she hung up, but not before hearing Emmett drop the phone, and his high pitched screams.

**Edward's POV:**

We were hunting, and left Alice with Bella. Hopefully they won't get into too much trouble like Emmett. I was walking through the forest, and then I saw Jasper walking towards me, facing me.

"Hey! Have you seen Em—" he was cut off by a blur swooshing past us, sending wind in all directions, causing the trees to shakes, and high pitched screaming. Jasper and I looked at each other, silent for a moment.

"Emmett." we said as we heard his screaming fading into the distance.

**Bella's POV:**

"That was great!! Who do you want to call next?" I said laughing. We finally got a hold of ourselves, and I was clutching the phone. I got it!

"Jacob!" I said as I punched in his number. He answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" he answered.

"HI! This is PetCo calling because of your appointment for Jacob…." I said in a cheerful voice.

"What? What appointment?"

"You have an appointment scheduled for your dog Jacob to be groomed….." Alice was in hysterics.

"I don't have any appointment at the groomers." Jacob said, sounding irritated. I swear I could hear him mutter "stupid leeches".

"Sure you do! So when would you like to bring Jacob in?"

"Look, I don't have a dog." He said through clenched teeth.  
"Yes you do! Jacob!"  
"I'm Jacob!"  
"HOLY SHIT A TALKING DOG!!!"

"I'm not a dog! I have no dog!!"

"Please come in tomorrow, sir."

"I'M NOT A DOG!!"

*line goes dead*

Alice and I were in hysterics as we were stretched out on the floor. I had the phone in my hand taking deep breaths because my sides hurt. "Now who?" I asked.

"Hmmmmm…….Jasper."

Alice took the phone and dialed the number, then handed it to me. It was common sense not to call our mates, they knew our voices. Too bad I didn't know that when I was drunk last time…..

The phone rang once and he answered.

"Hello?" he answered. I could hear Emmett still screaming in the background.

"HI! I'm calling because I need to talk."  
"Excuse me? Who is this?"  
"This is Die-anna."  
"Why are you calling me?!"  
"Because this is the suicidal hot line! They said you could talk any time!"  
"This isn't the suicidal hotline."  
"Sure it is! This number is listed! I have problems I need help with! I'M EMO!!"  
"I have to go"  
"NO YOU WILL STAY RIGHT HERE AND TALK TO MEHH!!"  
"I'm not the suicidal hotline!!"  
"I'm depressed because my lover, Ronold, doesn't love me anymore!! HE LIKES GUYS NOW!!!" I screamed.  
"I'm sorry I can't help you."  
"BUT THIS IS THE SUICIDAL HOTLINE! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!! MY SPARKLY FLAMMABLE VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND IS GAY!!"  
"What?!?"  
"I forgot to mention he is a sparkly flammable vampire."  
"There is nothing I ca—"  
"DAMN BITCH I SAID HELP ME! I NEED HAPPINESS!"  
"Don't call again."  
"But it says 24 hours!! IT SAYS YOU CAN CALL FOR 24 HOURSS!!!!!" I screamed like a crazy person. Then the line went dead. Alice was laughing harder than I have ever seen her in my entire life. There was no way to explain it. She was in hysterics.

**Edward's POV:**

Emmett was STILL running around the forest, screaming. Something about "7 days left to live". We were trying to restrain him when Jasper's phone started ringing. He stopped and took it out. I continued running, but I could hear part of the conversation.

"This isn't the suicidal hotline."  
……..

"I have to go"

………..  
"I'm not the suicidal hotline!!"

………

"Don't call again."

I was bending over, hands on my knees, laughing hysterically. Jasper caught up to me hit me in the back of the head, causing me to laugh harder. I mean, come on, it was hilarious. Jasper, suicidal hotline? HA!

**Alice's POV:**

After we just lied on the ground, laughing hysterically, we finally we able to speak. "Edward." We said, without even asking the question. She threw me the phone and I dialed his number. He picked up on the first ring.

"H-Hello?" he asked, laughing. I bet he heard part of our call to Jasper.

"HI! This is the manager and I'm just calling to let you know we got your shipment in!"

"What shipment??"

"Your shipment of clothes at Limited Too!!" Bella was already laughing hysterically.

"Uhhh, I never requested any clothes from Limited Too……"

"Of course not, silly! You bought them!"

"I—WHAT?!?!"

"Yes, let's see—underwear, pants, bras—and many other items."

"I think you have the wrong number….."

"No I don't!! You need to come pick up your order –Mr. Edward Cullen?"

"I'm not picking up anything."

"YOU ORDERED THEM, SO YES YOU ARE!!!" I screamed like a crazy person into the phone.

"I DIDN'T BUY ANY CLOTHES FROM LIMITED TOO!!!!"

"YES YOU DID YOU ARE GOING TO COME PICK THEM UP OR I WILL SHOW UP AT YOUR WINDOW WITH THEM AND FORCE THEM ON YOU!!!"

"Goodbye"

"DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME YOU BETTER PICK THESE UP OR—" the line went dead before I could finish my sentence and we cracked up laughing. Bella was worse this time. She was laughing so hard and she actually banged her head on the ground.

**Edward's POV:**

After Emmett and Jasper were done laughing their asses off, they finally composed themselves. We should probably see how Carlisle, Rosalie, and Esme are doing. They went to a different reservation. But then a thought came to Jasper, and I mentally kicked myself.

"Hey—why have we all been getting weird calls??" we all looked at each other, then Jasper hit his forehead with his hand.

"Bella and Alice!!" we all said.

"Bella is going to pay for doing that!!" Jasper growled.

**Bella's POV:**

After we were done laughing we sat up and tried to think of who to call next, but my cell phone went off. I looked at the caller ID, but it was Private. I shrugged and flipped open the phone.

"Hello?" I asked, still laughing a little.

"Hello..?" I asked again when there was no answer.

"Hello this is… Alice." They responded

"What the…"

"EMMETT YOU IDIOT, ALICE IS RIGHT NEXT TO HER!! FOR GOD SAKE!" I heard in the background.

"Jasper?" I asked.

"Oh hey Bella…" Then the line went dead.

I looked at Alice and we started cracking up. She had heard the entire thing. We looked at each other and agreed next. "Rosalie."

I picked up the phone and dialed Rose's number. Of course, she picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hello, this is Planned Parenthood. Is there a 'Rosalie Hale' available?" I said.

"Uhhhh…..speaking…." she said, unsure.

"Hi, I just got your test results in and it seems you are having a baby."

"WHAT?!!? I'm not pregnant! I can't even have a baby!!"

"But I have your test right here!! What do you mean you can't have a baby? Are you incapable of taking care of one?"

"No I—"

"Are you saying you're a CHILD ABUSER?!?!!?"

"No! Th—"

"Mam, I know exactly what you are going through. You're an—alcoholic. And it brings out your anger and you abuse children."

"NO!! You—"

"It's ok, we can get you help. So what are you on—alcohol, coke, marijuana, meth, injections??"

"That's ridicu—"

"Mam, calm down. Please don't raise your voice."

"I'm not I ju—"

"Mam, I understand completely: YOU'RE A CHILD MOLESTER!!"

"NO!! This is—"

"I'm calling the police!!"

"You don't even know where I live!!"

"Was that a THREAT Mrs. Cullen?!?! ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!?!!?!!" I screamed like a maniac.

"This is ridiculous!"

"NOW YOU'RE INSULTING ME?!!! YOU, ROSALIE HALE, ARE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE PERSON!!"

"YOU'RE ACCUSING ME OF RIDICULOUS SHIT!!"

"You are now cursed, your hair will turn green and your faced will get WRINKLESS!!" Alice was in hysterics.

"WHAT?!?!?!!!"

"And your husband has 7 days left to live…." Was all I said before I hung up the phone. I was trying to picture Rosalie with green hair when Alice's eyes glazed over. She came out of her vision, "Bella, that's a great idea!!" she said as she disappeared and then came back with green hair dye. I frowned at her.

"Alice, where did you—"  
"Oh, I was going to use it on Emmett, but this is WAYY better. And then we'll blame it on Emmett." we ran upstairs and put the dye in Rosalie's shampoo. After we got downstairs I yelled, "LET'S CALL CARLISLE!!" Alice's face was uneasy.  
"I don't know, we could get in some serious trouble for that—" but then her eyes glazed over. She laughed when she came out of the vision. "Do it." She said, handing me the phone.

"Hello? This is Dr. Cullen." he answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Yes?" he asked.

"How may I help you, Sir?" I asked.

"Excuse me, you are the one who called me." He said.

"Uhhh, no I didn't. You called me." I said.

"I don't think so." He said.

"I think so." I said.

"Is there something you needed?" he said.

"I don't know. You called me." I said.

"I did not call you, Mam." He said.

"Wait—is this DR. Cullen?" I said.

"Yes!"

"Oh, I did call you!!" I said and heard Carlisle's exasperated sigh on the other end.

"How may I help you??"

"I need help!!"

"With what?"

"Finding………Love."

"I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of doctor—"

"YES YOU ARE!! YOU'RE DR. LOVE!! I'M LOOKING AT YOUR AD RIGHT HERE!!"

"No, you must have the wrong number."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?!!!?!" I screamed.

"No, I'm just saying you made a mistake—"

"SO NOW YOU'RE CALLING ME STUPID?!!?!"

"No Mam, was there some way a normal doctor could help you?"

"I NEED LOVE!!"

"I can't help you."

"YES YOU CAN!! IT SAYS RIGHT HERE YOU CAN!!"

"I have to go"

"NO!! IT SAYS YOU CAN HELP ME!! I NEED LOVE, CUPID!!"

"I am not Dr. Love, and I am not Cupid!"

"Hi! How may I help you, Sir?"

"What??"

"You called me. How may I help you?"

"I DID NOT CALL YOU, I AM NOT DR. LOVE, AND I AM NOT CUPID!!"

"OMG! YOU KNOW CUPID?!!?"

"NO!!" then he hung up. Alice gave me a high five and we just lied on the floor in her living room, staring at the ceiling, laughing our asses off. But then a shadow appeared over me, and Edward, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle looked down at me from above. Oh……shit.

"Uhhhhh………it was Alice!!" I yelled at the same time Alice yelled, "It was Bella!!" and we pointed at each other.

"WHO DID WHAT?!!?" Emmett yelled.

"Wellllll……Alice called Emmett and Edward. And I called Jasper, Jacob, Rosalie, and Carlisle." I said with a sheepish grin. Edward laughed while everyone else looked pissed. Especially Rosalie.

"I'm going to take a shower" she called over her shoulder. Edward picked me up and threw me on the couch. We were laughing, but then I realized we forgot something when I heard Roslie's piercing scream:

*Africa*

Random guy: Hey look! A Lio—

Echo:  
"BBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh………………shit." I muttered, and Alice and I exchanged looks of fear, before she grabbed me and we escaped to the airport.

**A/N: So what do yaaa thinks? The part about how Emmett calls Bella is courtesy of ****oxoxTwilightloverxoxo. ****Tomorrow I want to write a SPECIAL chapter and/or disclaimer about the New Moon trailer!! Depending on how it turns out, I'll write one or the other. I'm still writing the Build-A-Bear thing.**


	33. Emmett and the Fishes

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Peanut Butter Jelly time! Peanut Butter Jelly time!!....  
Twin: Peanut Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly!......  
Edward: could you please stop?  
Jasper: Have mercy!  
Twin: Only if I get another Edward-Cullen-Sundae…..  
Me: EDWARD-CULLEN-SUNDAE-TIME!  
Jasper: *raises eyebrow* what does she mean……another?!  
Edward: uhhhhhh…….OH LOOK!! IT'S ALICE!!! *takes off running*  
Jasper: WHERE?!?!?!  
*Jasper turns back to Edward who is gone*  
Jasper: uhhh….  
Twin: Jasper-Hale-Sundae-Time! Jasper-Hale-Sundae-Time!.....  
Jasper: uhhhh…OH LOOK!! IT'S EDWARD!! *runs off*  
Me and Twin: WHERE?!?!?!  
Me: Damn, Twin. I guess we still don't own Twilight or the characters.  
Twin: Life is cruel.**

A/N: yea, I just wanted to answer a question: The Cullens let Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, and Eric go….sadly they were scared shitless and needed counseling.

Chapter 33: Emmett and the Fishes

After Rosalie had chased Alice and I to Canada, Edward and Jasper had saved us from her rage. Now Edward and I were sitting on his couch in his room. He leaned in to kiss me. Our lips were 3 inches apart............2 inches.......1 inch.....about to touch.........

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!" I jumped and fell off the couch at the sound of Emmett yelling. Edward lifted me up and we walked downstairs.

Of course, Emmett was watching football. "Emmett, do you think you could NOT disrupt an entire forest when you watch football??" he grinned. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bella, did I bother you and Eddie-boy??"  
"Do not call me Eddie." Edward said, and then sighed. They were about to go on a hunting trip, leaving me with Emmett and Jasper. "Love, we are leaving. I'll be back later today." He said, and then kissed me on the forehead. He walked out the door with Alice, Rosalie, and Esme trailing behind. Carlisle was working at the hospital.

"BELLA! BELLA! BELLA!" Emmett yelled.  
"I'm right here! What do you want?!"  
"Let's go to the ZOO!!" he bellowed. Could this end up being disaster? Jasper and I looked at each other, and then he nodded. "Okay. But NO TROUBLE." He grinned.

Emmett pulled into the parking lot of the Zoo. Don't ask how we found a Zoo in Washington. It was fairly large zoo, too. I heard it even had one of those Orca whales.

We walked up to the entrance and past the huge lines of people. Jasper bought tickets, and a lady came out and escorted us past the line. I frowned and whispered to Jasper, "You bribed her, didn't you?!?!" his only reply was a large grin. I sighed. You could never beat these Cullens with their spending ways.

After we got through the entrance we were huddled around a map deciding where to go. "Let's go see the lions!" Jasper said. "Let's go see the bears!" Emmett boomed. "No, let's go see the tigers!" Jasper said. "Or how about the Alligators!" Emmett said. "NO! We should go to the wolves" Jasper replied. "What about the cheetahs?" Emmett asked. They just kept arguing.

"Uhhhh.....how about we go look at some fishes??" I asked, pointing to a dark tunnel that had an aquarium of fishes. They raised their eyebrows at me. "Excuuuuuse me if I don't want to head off towards carnivorous animals right away where I am SURE to fall in!!" I said sarcastically. Emmett roared with laughter at the thought of me falling in, and Jasper looked deep in thought, until he said, "Yea, you're right. Let's go see some fishes." We laughed as we entered the dark room.

"Dude...........this is the most boring thing I've ever done." Emmett said 30 seconds into the exhibit. I laughed. Emmett walked up to a tank of fresh water clown fish and pressed his face against the glass. "HEY! LOOK! IT'S NEMO!!" he said, raising his figure, pointing at the fish, and pounded it against the glass. Bad move.

The glass broke, and all the water and fish came pouring out onto the ground, and all over Emmett. "AHHHH! I GOT FISH IN MY PANTS!!!" he yelled, running around. Meanwhile Jasper and I were frantically trying to save the fish. "Jasper! DO SOMETHING!" I yelled. "What do I do?!?!" he asked, looking around frantically. "We need something to put the fish in!" I yelled. He took of his shoe and started throwing the fish in his shoe. "Jasper! They need water!" he tried scooping water off the ground, but it was useless. I sighed. He took off and came back with a bucket full of water. We threw all the fish in the water. "Are there anymore??" I asked, peering around. "No. We need to get out of here!" Jasper said and we took off with Emmett following behind.

"WOOO! That was a close one, guys!" Emmett boomed. Jasper slapped him in the back of the head. "OWWW! What was that for??"  
"Emmett, we just got here, and you already managed to break one of the most harmless exhibits......." I said, raising an eyebrow. "Ok, what to next??" Jasper asked the soon-to-be most dreaded question in my existence.

**  
A/N: ok, so this adventure will be a couple chapters long, and will be one of the BEST yet!! The ending especially! I was going to make the first chapter longer, but I decided to give you guys a little preview. What do you think?? Lots of reviews and the next chapter gets posted sooner.......**

**FUNNY REVIEWS:**

OMGawshness!! High-on-drugs-larious! i love the story... XD  
U scared me with the "Ring" ref cuz me and my bestie watched that like an  
hour ago and it was funny cuz two secs after we passed the movie-part the  
phone rang (didnt answer cuz it was dentist XP) and now u say that! XD LMFAO  
ROTFL

-forevacullens

i laughed so hard my stomach hhurt for 5 hours this was even funnier then  
wen my friend got cussed out and beat up by tree year olds you r AWESOME!

-twilightfan7879


	34. Parrot fights, Tigers, and Snakes,oh my!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: It's a BIRD!  
Twin: It's a PLANE!  
Me and Twin: It's……..JACOB!!!  
Jacob: You did NOT just point at that Pomeranian and say "Jacob"…….  
Jasper: OHHHH! BURN!!!  
Jacob: Would you like some ice for that burn?  
Edward: Wow, that was really funny. Remind me to write that one down on my list of 5th grade burns.  
Jacob: I'll write YOU down on my list of things to burn……  
Edward: What was that?  
Jacob: nothing! *Walks behind Edward and puts a 'Kick me' sign on his back.*  
Me and Twin: Damn. I wish we owned Twilight.**

Chapter 34: Parrot fights, Tigers, and Snakes, oh my!

"Hey! Look at that!!" I said, running over to a large cage. I tripped, but luckily Jasper caught me. We walked over to the cage, and inside sat a large, blue-and-yellow Macaw. "It's so beautiful….." I murmured, mostly to myself, but of course, they heard it.

"Bella, this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen." Emmett laughed.  
"You're Ugliest thing I've ever seen!" a voice said.  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" Emmett yelled, spinning around. "What the Fuck" the voice said again. I laughed.  
"Emmett, it's the bird!" I got out between laughter. A frown crossed his face. "Ugly!!" the bird yelled at Emmett. Jasper and I roared with laughter.  
"I'LL SHOW YOU UGLY, YOU STUPID BIRD!!" Emmett yelled, picking up a stick.  
"Ugly? I'm looking at it!" the bird cawed, and Jasper and I were clutching onto each other to keep from falling over.

"WHY, YOU—" Emmett started shaking the bars of the cage. The bird started cawing and screaming.

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM THERE!!!" a man in a uniform yelled, running over. "STOP IT!!" he yelled across the sidewalk at Emmett.  
"MAKE ME!!!" Emmett yelled back.  
"HEY, KID, I'm going to have to ask you to leave—" Then, before I knew it, Jasper slung me over his back and we darted off before the guy reached us.

"Emmett……" Jasper started, but Emmett cut him off. "TIGERS!!!" he yelled, running across the path and entering the tiger exhibit. We sighed and followed after him. There was a large fence separating the tigers from us, and there were 2 babies and 3 adult tigers. "Bangle Tigers….." I read. There were a ton of people there.

"These things are NOTHING compared to the ones we—" Emmett's yelling was cut off as something flew into his head, knocking him to the ground. He looked at what flew into him. "Jasper…..why did you throw a plant at me?!?!" he asked, dumbstruck. I sighed. All of the people were leaving now.

Emmett was staring at the tigers, who were sleeping. "Ughh…..all they do is SLEEP!" Emmett groaned.  
"Well, Emmett, this is what they do when they AREN'T being chased by blood-thirsty vampires….."  
"Wow, I don't know how they can stand it when we aren't around." Emmett said. I snorted.

Emmett walked over to the side of the cage and picked up some rocks. An evil grin spread across his face as he rolled the rock around in his palm. Then, in a blur, Emmett threw the rock. The rock blasted through the air, flying into the tiger's pen and hitting one of the tigers on the head. The tiger jumped up from the ground, a loud roar echoing through the zoo.

"EMMETT!" Jasper and I yelled at him. "WHAT?!" he yelled back, just to be louder. Then he picked up more stones and started hurling them at the tigers. All of the tigers got up and roared furiously. He continued to throw the stones, and one tiger leaped at the side of the cage, right where I was standing, and I screamed and stumbled backwards. Luckily, again, Jasper caught me as I fell backwards.

Emmett walked up to the tiger and roared in its face. The tiger was quiet as it just stared at Emmett. Then, it started clawing at the cage.

"HEY! IT'S THE KID FROM THE PARROT CAGES!!!" we heard the same worker yelling, on his way over here. "Emmett!" I hissed as we disappeared into the bushes. We walked through the bushes and onto another walkway. As we walked down the road, we came to a woman standing in the middle of the walkway with a very, very, VERY large boa constrictor around her shoulders. Emmett ran up to he guy.

"Hey, CAN I HOLD IT?!?!" he yelled, and the guy flinched back. "Uhhhh…." The guy said, but before he could say anything more, Emmett grabbed the snake off of his shoulders. The snake twisted and wrapped itself around Emmett's arm, attempting to squeeze the life out of him, but failed miserably. Emmett stared at the snake, and then a huge grin played across his face as he looked from me to the snake.

"Ohhhhh, Bella!" he said, stepping towards me. "Why don't you hold this snake?" he said.  
"NOOOO WAYYYY EMMETT! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed as I turned around and ran down the path. Emmett chased after me, at human speed, of course. I heard Jasper yelling and chasing after Emmett. I could hear the guy yelling and chasing after Jasper, but he couldn't keep up.

I ran as fast as I could, stumbling along the way. I ran behind a cart, and Emmett stopped on the other side. He made to try and run around the right side, but I went around the left, so he changed and tried to go to the left, and I went to the right. I took off running again, and saw a strang looking building with a door. I ran into the building and ran through some more doors, and into a huge room.

I stopped cold.

**A/N: sorry it's so short, I've been writing chapters for other stories at the same time, and if I were to write more it would take longer. So isn't it better to just get this up? If you have any ideas about animals at the zoo, just message me. I already have a lot of funny ideas, but I'm welcome to more.**

**When you review I want to hear 1. what your favorite part/line of this chapter was, and 2. what your favorite part/line of this entire story was.**


	35. MOOOOOOMMM!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Poptarts.  
Edward: uhhhh…  
Me: You DO realize they have like, EVERY flavor for these thing?  
Edward: good…….to…..know…..  
Me: *shouts jumping up from my stool at the counter* I should make an EDWARD CULLEN FLAVORED POPTART!!!  
Edward: *jumps at sudden outburst*uhhhhh…..how do oyu plan on doing…..that?  
Me: *grins evilly and walks toward Edward*  
Edward: *takes off out of the house, knocking the chairs and furniture to the ground in an attempt to slow me down***

**Original point which I got carried away: I don't own Twilight or the characters.**

Chapter 35: MOOOOOOMMM!

I ran into the room and stopped cold.

7 pairs of eyes stared back at me, and vicious teeth barred. Then the lions got into a crouching position, about to tear my head off.

Wow, just my luck. Running into the lion pen. "BELLAAAA LOOK WHAT I GO—" Emmett yelled, running in after me, but then stopped behind me. A huge grin stretch across his face as he jumped in front of me, throwing the snake on the ground. I turned for the door, but as Emmett had jumped in front of me, it swung shut……and locked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed, banging on the door. A vicious snarl erupted from Emmett's throat as he walked towards the lions. "Emmett—don't even THINK about eating one of those lions!!" I snapped, and he raised out of his crouching position. "AWWWW!" he whined.

"Bella?!" I heard Jasper on the other side of the heavy door.  
"JASPER! WE'RE TRAPPED IN THE LION PEN!!" I screamed through the door.  
"Uhhhh.........EMMETT! TRY NOT TO GET HER KILLED!!" Jasper yelled.  
"Oh, thanks so much." I said, rolling my eyes.  
"Anytime—can't I just brake down the door??" Jasper asked.  
"WELL, there are only a million people screaming and swarming around the pen. So, it might seem a little weird if a teenage boy kicks down a foot thick door of steel."  
"Fine. I'm going to go around to the fence." Jasper said.

I looked over to the worrying crowd of people, and, sure enough, Jasper was in the front, yelling at us to run over and jump over the fence. I exchanged a look with Emmett, who was growling at the lions, keeping them away from me. Thankfully lions felt that Emmett was dangerous, or we'd have to explain why he is able to wrestle with 7 lions, not even getting a scratch, and probably how he ended up killing them.

I looked around, and saw an opening to the fence, so I ran. I ran towards Jasper, and I looked behind me and saw a lion pounce at me. Jasper turned to the crowd. "OH MY GOD! LOOK! A TIGER!!" he yelled, and everyone turned around screaming, just in time for Emmett to grab the lion and throw it across the pen. Everyone turned back to us, and I was at the fence with Emmett behind me. Now here was the hard part. How do you get over the 50 foot(or so) fence. Emmett couldn't put me on his back and climb up like usual, or the lions would attack. And, I definitely could not climb it. I noticed a small boy, about 8 years old, holding a video camera taping everything. Luckily he had turned away when Emmett threw that lion........

"Could you please put the camera away?" I asked him in a sweet voice.  
"No way, lady!" he yelled at me.  
"LOOK, KID!—" Emmett yelled from in front of me. "PUT THE CAMERA AWAY OR YOU WILL BE LION FOOD!"

"MMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!" the kid yelled, running off.

Jasper started climbing over on the other side, and climbed down onto our side. He sighed, "Get on." He said, and then he climbed back over, followed by Emmett.

"Let's never do that again." I said as we walked away from the crowd of freaked out people. We walked down the path and came to another pen. "Oh.....my God." Emmett said, laughing. He ran to the large pen and stared at the wolves inside.

He just sat there laughing at the wolves. I stared at the wolves and looked at how different they were compared to Jacob. Wait—what was wrong with that sentence........

That's when I felt a hot arm around my shoulders. I looked up to see Jacob staring at the wolves.

"Hey, dog, get back inside the fence!!" Emmett yelled, roaring with laughter.

"Har har, bloodsucker." Jacob said, rolling his eyes.  
"Jacob, what are you doing here?" I asked.  
"I came to the zoo to see some animals. And I guess that's exactly what I got to see after that little display at the lion pen."

"Oh, God." I said.  
"Hey! Jacob! That could be your mother over there!!" Emmett yelled, pointing at a wolf.  
"Yea, that could be YOUR mother, too, Emmett." Jacob replied.  
"We do not share the same mother! Look at you! You're hideous!"  
"I mean, there is also a possibility that could be your mom." Jacob said, rolling his eyes.  
"My mom's dead."  
"How do you know?"  
"Bella told me."  
"That could be her reincarnation."  
"Really?" Emmett said, "HI MOM!!!!" he yelled, waving. I smacked my forehead with my palm while Jacob laughed hysterically.

"Hey! Can you talk to those wolves?" Emmett asked Jacob.  
"No." Jacob said.  
"Why not?!"  
"Because.......I don't know."  
"Change into a wolf and try it!!" Emmett yelled. Jacob looked around and then walked into the bushes and then came out as giant, horse-sized wolf. "Jacob!" I hissed at him. Right then the young boy with the video camera walked up.

"MMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!" he yelled, running off. A bunch more people ran up and saw the Jacob-wolf and started screaming and running. Jacob ran into the bushes, changed, and snuck back out. Zoo people ran over to us. "WHERE'D HE GO?!" they yelled, looking for the wolf.

"Uhhhh........THAT WAY!!" Jacob yelled pointing to the right, Jasper yelled pointing to the left, I yelled pointing back the way they came, and Emmett yelled pointing to the sky.

"Emmett, how does a wolf go to the sky?!?!" I asked after they left.  
"Can't they fly??" he said. Jacob, Jasper and I exchanged a look.

"I thought vampires were supposed to be smart??" Jacob said asked Jasper.  
"We think Emmett was dropped on his head when he was a baby." Jasper said. We walked down the path to look at the other animals.

"DOLPHINS!!" Jacob yelled, running over to a line of people waiting outside of gate. On the gate it said, "Dolphin Feedings". All of the people were going in and feeding the dolphins fish. I looked like they even got to touch them. **(A/N: I did that at Sea World in San Diego it was awesome! We even got to pet them. And stuff. Lawlz)**

We stood in the line and after a couple minutes we got in and they gave us a tray a sardines.

"Ewwww." Jasper, Jacob, and Emmett all murmured at the smell. I rolled my eyes as we walked over to the knee-high wall and 2 dolphins swam up.

"Awwwww!" Jacob and I said.  
"That's what I call cute." Jacob said.  
"That's what I call lunch." Emmett laughed. Jacob glared at Emmett while I grabbed a fish off of the tray and petted the dolphin on the head, and then he opened his mouth and I gave him the fish. I giggled as he made a noise. Jacob grabbed a fish, trying to feed it to the dolphin.

"I can do that too!" he said, and then instead of taking the fish, the dolphin bit his hand. "OW!" he yelled, and Jasper, Emmett, and I roared with laughter. The dolphin made a chortling noise as if laughing.

"Jacob, you're supposed to pet them first." I said after I was done laughing. He reached his hand out to pet the dolphin. The dolphin swam forward, and hit Jacob in the chest, sending him falling into the water. Jasper and Emmett roared with laughter, but I was a little worried.......until what I saw next sent me into a laughing frenzy.

The dolphin swam around Jacob, and then under him, and Jacob grabbed onto his fin. The dolphin took off swimming around the tank at a rapid speed, with Jacob screaming the whole time.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" they swam past us several times and we just stood there laughing at him.

"HELP ME!!" he yelled.  
"Awww, I thought you liked the cute dolphins, Jacob!?" Jasper yelled, laughing.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! THERE'S A KID IN WITH THE DOLPHINS!!!" we turned to see the little boy with the video camera, filming Jacob, and then ran away to get his mom.

"HEY! KID! GET OUT OF THAT TANK!!!" yelled a zoo keeper. Jacob let go of the dolphin, but the dolphin swam around and rammed into his back, pushing him through the water.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Jacob and the dolphin swooshed by again, and we saw numerous security guards coming over. "Maybe we should help him out now." I said, pointing to the guards.

"Fine." Jasper said, still laughing, as Jacob came swooshing by us again, but this time Jasper grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out.

"HEY! GET THEM!!" the guards yelled. Jasper picked me up and we ran into the bushes to another path. Then Jacob studded to a hault.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, pointing at the giant Boa constrictor Emmett had thrown on the ground. It snaked it's way over to the trebling Jacob and up and around his body, squeezing. Jasper and Emmett were laughing hysterically.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!" Jacob yelled frantically, making Jasper and Emmett laugh harder. The snake squeezed tighter and Jacob could barely talk. Then Emmett reached over with one hand and easily pried the snake off of Jacob and threw it into the bushes. We heard the scream of a security guard and we laughed harder.

**Random Security Guard POV:**

We were walking through the bushes and trees looking for these fricking kids that have been bugging the crap out of us all day. I walked through a bush, when out of nowhere, a boa constrictor flies through the sky and lands on top of me, sending me to the ground. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled and the guards helped me get it off.

Damn kids.

**A/N: bahahaha ok so Jacob will be in this adventure from now on as you can tell. Haha. Also, I am crowning SnappleApple450 my number one fan for her fandomness and randomness. She is fricking hell-arious. **

**Review: 1. Fav part of chapter. 2. What is your favorite animal in the zoo/sea world!?**


	36. Damn Kids

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Hi, my name is Jennifer. And I'm a Twilightholic. I'm also a Jasperholic and an Edwardholic  
Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Jacob, Emmett: Welcome, Jennifer!  
Twin: Erm….Hi, my name is Twin, and I'm….a…..EDWARDHOLIC! THERE! I SAID IT! MAKE THE VOICES STOP!!  
Alice: there there.  
Edward: welcome to the group. Now go sit in that chair over there, the one that is all the way across the room from me.**

**Motto: idk but I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 36: Damn Kids

We walked through the bushes and onto another path when we came up to a large pen with elephants. "Ewww." We all said at the smell. The elephants were standing by a large tree eating the leaves. One was standing by the pond with its trunk in the water. We all just sat there, staring at the elephants, until Emmett and Jacob looked at each other. "I can't lift more than YOU!" they yelled at the same time, and then looked around to make sure no one was watching, and then climbed over the fence into the elephant pen. I looked at Jasper.

"Do you think there is any exhibit we visit that we wouldn't disrupt??" I asked Jasper. He sighed and said "With Emmett? No way." And we laughed.

Jacob walked over to the middle sized elephant and put his hand under the elephant. He raised the elephant up, who started making noises and kicking. Jacob trembled under the effort, while Emmett slid his hand under the largest elephant—which was HUGE—and lifted it up with ease. He stayed like that with no effort. We heard a thump noise, and turned around to see the little kid with the camera, eyes huge, mouth open, and he had dropped his camera on the ground.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!" the kid yelled, running away. Jacob dropped the elephant, letting out a large breath. Emmett laughed, and then he set his elephant down. Emmett was laughing hysterically, pointing at Jacob, when water sprayed across the pen and drenched Emmett. He stopped laughing, and looked to where Jacob was standing, holding an elephant's trunk, laughing. Emmett lunged at Jacob and the next thing we knew, they were wrestling around in the pond. We heard whistles then, and I saw a bunch of security guards running down the path up ahead.

"Time to go!" Jasper yelled, letting me jump on his back. Jasper and I ran away, while Jacob and Emmett were still in the pen. From down the path Jasper and I saw Emmett run over to the elephant that had his trunk in the pond, and grabbed his trunk, and pointed it at the security guards. The elephant sprayed water everywhere, drenching the security guards.

**(the same) Random Security Guard's POV:**

Damn kids.

**Bella's POV:**

Jacob and Emmett climbed the fence and jumped down, and ran away after Jasper and I. After 5 minutes, we stopped, and Jacob ran up to us. "Where's Emmett??" I asked him with an eyebrow raised.

"Right her—oh shit." He said, and Jasper and I groaned at the thought of Emmett off in the zoo ALONE. "Okay—let's not panic. How much trouble could he really get into?" Jacob said. Jasper and I exchanged a look, before we looked at Jacob.  
"Emmett broke a fish tank by touching it.........30 seconds into the exhibit." I said, and Jacob's eyes widened. "Okay.....so where would Emmett go in a zoo?" he asked, thinking. Jasper and I looked at each other, "The bears." We said, and then ran towards the bear pens.

"Surprise, surprise." Jasper staid as we walked up to the pen.

"Oh, hey guys!!" Emmett waved from inside the bear pen. He had taken his attention away from the mauling bear, and the bear smacked him in the chest. He turned back towards the bear and roared in its face. The bear lunged at Emmett, and he jumped to the other side of it, and hit it in the back. "Thankfully no one's over here." I mumbled, but then heard a gasp. We turned around and saw the same little boy with the camera. Luckily the lens cap was on.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!" he yelled, running off.

Jacob watched with a disgusted face. Jasper just rolled his eyes. "Emmett, get out of there. I'm going to tell Rosalie what REALLY happened to her mirror if you even THINK about eating that bear!" Emmett froze for a moment, and then jumped out of the bear pen.

"You suck." He simply said, and then walked off. We followed Emmett into another exhibit, and I saw monkeys.

There were tons of little monkeys with long tails all over the place. They were actually cute, not those ugly chimps. Emmett's smile grew as he pulled something out of his back pocket.

"Emmett—NO!" I said, shaking my head as he peeled the banana.  
"Come on, Bella. They love this stuff!" he broke off a piece of the banana and threw it in the cage to the monkeys. It hit a monkey, and its head snapped over to where Emmett was standing. He broke off a couple more pieces and threw them to the monkey. Let me just tell you, the monkey looked pissed.

"MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!" we heard the same little boy yell from behind us. He was staring fearfully at Emmett.

"WHAT?! ARE YOU STALKING ME?!?!" Emmett yelled in his face. The kid ran off crying.

Then the monkey grabbed a piece of the banana and threw it at Emmett. It picked up the rest of the pieces and started pelting him and Jacob with banana. Emmett threw Jacob a banana and they broke off more pieces and threw them back at the monkey. At the same time, the monkey was throwing the pieces that they threw at it.

Suddenly, the monkey just.....stopped. It put on this cute little innocent expression. Awwww. Emmett and Jacob continued to throw banana at it.

"WHY ARE YOU THROWING BANANAS AT THE MONKEY?!?!?!" someone yelled at Jacob and Emmett.

I looked over to see a security guard standing behind them. He reached out to grab them by the arms, but they were quicker. They jutted out of the way, and ran down the path. I jumped on Jasper's back and we ran after them with the security guard chasing us. We were all about to turn onto a pathway, when we saw more security guards running down it. It was the only way to go. But we looked behind us and saw a closed off pathway that said "Authorized Personnel Only." With a chain across two waist-high poles. We jumped over the chain and ran down the path.

**(same) Random Security Guard's POV:**

Damn Kids.

**Bella's POV:**

We ran into a room that had a LOT of controls in it, and a bunch of TV screens. Emmett watched the screens and we saw security guards running everywhere. "Emmett, grab the video tape of today." Jasper said, and Emmett examined the controls and took out the security footage of today and crushed the evidence.

He looked at the controls again, and smiled when he saw a couple cool-looking buttons. He hit them all in a sequence, and then there was a LOUD buzzing sound. We looked at the screen, which now read, "ANIMAL PENS OPEN". I gasped.

"Emmett, what did you _do?!"  
_

**A/N: REVIEW! 1. Favorite line**

**SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I wrote half of it, then had writer's block. Then got unblocked! lawlz**


	37. Keychain!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: sea urchin.  
Twin: huh……interesting……  
Edard: what are you talking about??  
Me: I'm…..not……..sure…..  
Twin: huh…..  
Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS A SEA URCHIN?!?!  
Edward: Uhh….  
Twin: *puts down sea urchin skeleton she was holding, on to the ground*  
Edward: Right. Well……… *walks away but steps on sea urchin*  
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU!?!  
Edward: Oops.  
Me: ANIMAL ABUSER!!!  
Edward: but it was a skeleton!  
Me: IT HAD **_**FEELINGS**_**, EDWARD! **_**FEELINGS**_**!!!!  
Edward: umm…..sorry?  
Me: SON OF A BITCH! *runs off***

**Motto: you step on my sea urchin, I kill you……and I don't own Twilight. Or the characters.**

RECAP:

He looked at the controls again, and smiled when he saw a couple cool-looking buttons. He hit them all in a sequence, and then there was a LOUD buzzing sound. We looked at the screen, which now read, "ANIMAL PENS OPEN". I gasped.

"Emmett, what did you _do?!"  
_

**Chapter 37: Keychain!**

"Well the.......and then.......cool.........and a......BUTTONS!" he yelled, panicking.

"What?" I asked.

"What all this means is........I don't know." He said.

"Okay, well you pushed some buttons and now it says 'ANIMAL PENS OPEN", we don't exactly know what that means......we don't want anyone to know it was us.......RUN! RUN! RUN!" Jacob yelled, and I jumped on Jasper's back and we made a run out of the building and down a path. We heard screaming coming from everywhere, and whistles and alarms sounding. And at the moment there was no one in site.

We ran into a clearing, and I could see exactly what Emmett had done.

People were running and screaming to the exits. Security guards with nets and weapons were running around, trying to contain the animals……that were running around wild. I heard a growling noise, and we came face to face with a couple lions and tigers, walking towards us. I tightened my grip around Jasper's neck, and Jacob stayed as far away from the lions as possible. I guess you could say it was really difficult for Jake, being as he couldn't latch onto a vampire, or protect himself in his human form. But if he were to change into a wolf, he would risk getting captured, or killed.

We ran down the path away from the vicious, Bella-eating cats, at a slightly faster than human pace. We ran into another 'Authorized Personnel Only' section and stopped when we were far enough away from the cats.

"Where's Jacob?!" I asked, looking around worriedly.  
"Crap." Jasper murmured, and then let me get off of his back, and I jumped on Emmett's. Jasper ran after Jacob, who had run in a different direction. We waited there for a minute, but then I heard growls and hissing noises. The cats had returned and were advancing onto us. Emmett backed away from the vicious animals with me clinging to his back. The next thing I knew, he backed into a waist-high wall, and my grip on his neck slipped.

I fell from his back, onto the other side of the wall, at the same time I heard Jacob, Jasper, and Emmett yell, "BELLA!!!"

I reached my arm out to try and grab the back of Emmett's shirt, but missed, and I plunged into the freezing, salty water.

The water was so cold, it felt like millions of frozen icicles jabbing at my skin. I hadn't held my breath, so my lungs were filling with the salty water, and I started choking. I swam towards the surface of the water. My lungs were about to give way, and my head started pounding. My vision started blurring as I raced upwards towards the shining sun that was illuminated in the water. I broke the surface, first coughing up water and then gasping for air. That was when I noticed where I was.

I was now swimming in the middle of an extremely large tank of salt water. I saw Emmett, Jasper, and Jacob beckoning to me from the edge. I felt a something nudge my foot, and I looked into the water, and my heart started racing, and I immediately started to hyperventilate.

Swimming around me was a huge, black, Orca whale. Also known as the KILLER whale. Jasper felt my fear, and dived into the water. I immediately felt calming waves hit me, and I relaxed. Jasper was swimming over to me, when I felt the whale nudge my back. I let out a small scream. I heard a beating noise, and looked up into the sky to see a news helicopter a ways above us. The whale nudged me again, except harder. And then it swam under me.

Before I could react, the whale came above the water, with me on its back. I screamed as the whale took off, swimming around the tank, even faster than the dolphin that had swam with Jacob. And then the whale dove underwater, deeper and deeper. My oxygen was giving way, and then the whale turned its course. It sped up, plunging through the water towards the surface at an incredible rate. It flew out of the water and into the air, and I screamed as I flew with it, flying off of the whale. But before I flew too high in the air, I felt something hard and cold catch me and threw me back into the water. I was immediately back above the water, and I saw that Jasper had a strong hold on me, and was swimming as fast as he could in a human pace towards the edge, trying to escape the whale. I looked back and saw the black shadow under the water almost reach us, when Jasper lifted us out of the water, and the whale slammed into the side of the tank. Emmett pulled me into a hug, followed by Jacob, as I gasped for air, and sobbed. I was shaking furiously from the cold water. Emmett took off his jacket and handed it to me, which I gladly put on. I noticed the cats were gone.

"H-How d-d-did you get-t –"

"Emmett roared at them." Jasper said, cutting me off. They laughed. I tried to laugh, but it came out as a broken sob.

"We need to leave." Jasper said, and I jumped on Emmett's back and we ran off in a different direction. We ran down the path, and crossed over to another path. There were still screams and sirens going off, and we heard security guards yelling furiously, and even shots being fired. We ran down a path that had a huge cliff next to it with large boulders leading up the side.

Suddenly, we heard more growling, and we were completely surrounded by large cats again. Except this time there were more. We backed towards the wall of rock as the cats approached us. Emmett turned around and climbed up onto the large boulders, trying to get me as far away from them as possible. Jasper and Jacob followed suit.

"What do we do?!" I asked, worried. Jasper sent more calming waves toward me and I relaxed a little.

"This is ridiculous! If it wasn't for these humans we could rip these animals apart!" Emmett bellowed.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!" Jacob yelled.

"Jacob, you're not going to die." I said, rolling my eyes. Even I knew that there was no possible way we would die from animals if there were two super awesome sparkly vampires standing next to us.

"HEY! I have an idea!" Emmett said, a grin breaking across his face.

"What?" we all said.

"THROW THEM JACOB AND RUN!" he yelled.

Jasper erupted into laughter, although Jacob started panicking. "NO! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING! SPARE ME!" he bellowed. I couldn't help but laugh at his pleas to Emmett.

"Ok, for real, Jasper you distract them and then I'll get Bellsy-boo and the dog to safety." He said. Jasper jumped down from the rock next to the lions. He used his power to get the lions to go after him as he ran in an opposite direction. It worked, and all of them ran after him, and Emmett and Jacob took off running down the pathways. We ran for a couple minutes, past some monkeys and other innocent animals and security guards, until we saw the exit to the zoo. We ran through the swiveling doors and out into the parking lot which was jam-packed with police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks. We ran to the Volvo, and let out a sigh when we knew we had reached safety. A minute later Jasper ran up to us, laughing.

"Suckers." He muttered.

"Well, it's been fun!" Jacob said, patting Emmett on the shoulder, and then running off towards his Volkswagen Rabbit. Emmett jumped into the driver's seat and I slid in the passenger while Jasper jumped in the back, and we headed back towards home.

**Edward's POV:**

We had just walked in from our hunting trip. Rosalie and Alice walked upstairs and were shopping online, while Carlisle and Esme were having some 'alone time'. I missed Bella, and Jasper and Emmett had left a note saying they took Bella to the zoo.

I decided to sit down on the couch and flipped on the T.V. The news station automatically came on, with the letters "BREAKING NEWS" screaming across the bottom of the screen. I listened as the news lady spoke.

"....._animals escaped at the zoo, wreaking havoc . People fled the zoo, screaming. Reports of 16 people injured, no deaths yet reported."_

I heard her say. My whole body froze, and the screen came on to show an aerial view of a large tank that held an Orca whale. That was when I saw it—Bella on Emmett's back, backing away from a bunch of large cats.

"_Here we see an incident that happened with the famous Orca whale.......these children have been wreaking havoc around the zoo all day...."_

horror filled me as I saw what happened next. Bella's grip on Emmett slipped, and she fell into the tank with the whale. I jumped up from the couch as I saw her plunge into the water, and I saw Jasper and—Jacob?!—run up to the side of the tank. After about a minute Bella broke the surface and was swimming in the middle of the tank. Jasper jumped in the water, but the whale swam under her and started swimming with her around the tank.

My hand that was gripping the coffee table tightened, and the table erupted into shards of glass and wood.

The whale went under water, and then flew out of the water, sending Bella flying. Jasper caught her and got her out of the tank just in time.

It showed more video footage of Emmett, Jacob, and Bella escaping the zoo, followed by Jasper.

_"......Many incidents have happened today, such as......"_

Footage came up on the screen of Bella and Emmett trapped inside the lion pen, and then a giant wolf outside of the pen. JACOB!!

More footage was shown of Jacob falling into the dolphin tank, and being dragged around by a dolphin. There was some of Jacob and Emmett in the elephant's pen, and then of them having a fight with a monkey. And then they showed the part over of the Orca whale.

Just then Emmett walked in the front door.

**Emmett's POV:**

I walked through the front door and saw Eddie-boy sitting on the couch in front of a crushed table. Huh. Nothing new. I smiled as I pulled something out of my pocket and threw it at him.

"Hey, I got you a keychain!!!"

*Mental Institute*

Random Guy: I KEEP HEARING THESE VOICES! AND THEY NEVER LET ME FINISH A SEN—

Echo:  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Geez, if you didn't like it all you had to do was say so. I could always go back....."

.

**A/N: OK! THAT'S THE END OF THE ZOO ADVENTURE! Like I said, I planned the ending before I even thought of the adventure. But the zoo idea was given to me by my friend! Thanks!**

**REVIEW! 1 favorite animal adventure I wrote about. 2. Favorite line in this chapter.**


	38. The Mile

**Disclaimer:**

**jules96: Hey JSR! I was being totally unreasonable before. Here's a gift!!  
Me: Uhh, I don't thin-  
jules96: *shoves box in hands* YOU WILL HAVE IT!!!  
Me: Um, o...kay? *Opens* OMAIGOD!!! IT'S THE DOCUMENTS TO OWNING TWILIGHT!!!  
jules96: Yep. *gets matches*  
Me: I can't believe it!! I OWN TWI-  
jules96: *Lights matches*  
Me: -LIGH-  
jules96: *sets documents on fire*  
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
jules96: *smiles sweetly* Oops!**

YEA SO THE OTHER NIGHT I WOKE UP AND I WAS HOLDING MY LAMP. I HAVE NO CLUE WHY.

yayayaya! I have over 1,000 reviews on this story!! Ya!

Chapter 38: The Mile

"Hey, Bella!" Angela greeted me in the locker room. It was my P.E. period, and I was changing in the locker room.

"Hi, Angela." I smiled at her. We walked out to join the rest of the class. Edward walked over to me in a tight white tank top that showed off his muscles, and basketball shorts. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart started racing.

"Hello, love." Edward said as he kissed me on the cheek. I blushed and he chuckled.

"ALL RIGHT! EVERYONE STAND IN YOUR PLACES!!" the coach yelled, walking into the gym. We didn't have 'numbers' like other places, since we were in the gym. We had places. Alphabetical. So Edward wasn't anywhere near me.

We did our warm ups, and then the time that came every week, the dreaded day. Wednesday. Which meant....

"WALK OUT TO THE TRACK SO WE CAN START THE MILE!!" Coach Clapp yelled, and I met up with Edward as we walked outside. All of a sudden, a cold hand touched my other shoulder, causing me to jump.

"SHIT!" I yelled in surprise. I looked to my right and saw Emmett breaking into loud guffaws. I frowned at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"  
"Well, apparently I got my class switched into this one." He said after he was done laughing. Oh great. P.E. with Emmett....

I groaned. This could not be happening.....

We lined up on the track, preparing for the coach to blow the whistle. I stood in the back with Edward and Emmett.

The coach blew the whistle, and everyone took off running.

I struggled to keep up, and tried my best not to fall. I stumbled frequently, and Edward eyed me, making sure I didn't fall. Edward was running patiently beside me, but Emmett.....not so much.

"Come ON Bella! LET'S GO!!" he yelled, running backwards in front of me.

"Emmett!" Edward snapped at him. "I'm sorry, Emmett, but I'm not an incredibly fast vampire that never gets tired!" I snapped at him. We had run one lap and I needed to stop and walk for a bit. I was panting hard as we slowed to a walk, and Emmett was frowning. "Is she always this slow?" he asked Edward.

"Emmett....." Edward warned him. I started running again, just to please Emmett. I ran half a lap, and then stopped again to walk.

"Bella, you do realize we are, like, last." Emmett said, laughing.  
"Then just GO Emmett!" I snapped at him, breathing heavily, "You don't need to stay with me!"  
"Aww, but what kind of brother would I be if I left and stopped cracking jokes at my sister?" he said, grinning.  
"A good one." I said, and then started running again.

"HEY! What's this?! LOOK EDDIE-BOY!" Emmett yelled, throwing something and it hit Edward in the head. Edward turned around to glare at Emmett, and at that same time I tripped and fell. "Damn it." I muttered as Edward helped me to my feet. "Sorry." Edward muttered.

We continued running, and I was halfway done with my fourth lap when I couldn't go on. I fell to the ground, panting.

"Come one, Bella!" Emmett said, laughing.  
"Can't.....go....on!....go....without....me!" I said, dramatically, and then my head fell to the ground, pretending to be limp. Who said I couldn't act?!

Emmett roared with laughter while Edward came over and helped me up. He shoved a water bottle in my hand, which I drank greedily. I started walking, when Emmett became impatient again.

"Come ON, Bella!!" he whined.  
"Shut it, Emmett!" I snapped at him. Then he ran over to me and scooped me up in his arms and took off running at a very fast human pace.

"EMMETT GET YOUR SPARKLY BUTT BACK HERE!!!!!" Edward yelled at him, running after us. Edward caught up to us in no time, and forced Emmett to put me down.

"What were you thinking?!" Edward demanded.  
"I don't know, you tell me, Eddie-boy!"  
"I told you: Do. Not. Call. Me. Eddie."  
"Aww, poor Eddie-boy. Eddie, are you gonna cry? What are you—" Emmett was cut off as Edward tackled him to the ground, and they started wrestling around on the track.

"Edward!" I yelled, trying to get his attention. "Hello?!?" I yelled again. "Edward, Emmett!!" I yelled, but they just kept wrestling around on the track. I sighed as I continued walking and then walked past the finish line, and I looked back and they were still wrestling.

"I'm done!" I yelled to them. They sat up, and looked at where I was standing, about a length of the field away. They looked at each other, and then got up, and started running like mad men, racing each other. Emmett shoved Edward, trying to get ahead of him. Edward shoved him back, and they stayed neck and neck as they continued to shove and hit each other as crossed the finish line.

"WHO WON?!?!" They demanded the teacher who was staring at them fearfully.

"Bella." Was all he said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett yelled, falling to the ground, screaming. "WHY?!?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!" he cried. "HOW COULD THIS CLUMSY HUMAN BEAT A VAMP—" Emmett shut up as a basketball flew and hit him in the back of the head. He spun around and glared at a grinning Edward.

"Emmett, just shut up."

**REVIEW! I know I hate the mile……**


	39. PANCAKES!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I want skittles.  
Twin: M&Ms are better.  
ME: WHAT??!!??!!??! NOTHING CAN BEAT SKITTLES! THEY TASTE LIKE THE RAINBOW!!  
Twin: Chocolate. End of discussion.  
Me: RAINBOWS ARE BETTER!!  
Edward: yea, I must agree. Rainbows win.  
Jasper: PSHH!!! Yea right, man! M&Ms rule.  
Me: dude…..THERE ARE MORE RAINBOW COLORED THINGS IN THE WORLD! OHH BURN!!! *highfives Edward*  
Twin: damn you. And we still don't own Twilight.**

_**I HAVE A BLOG FOR SNEAK PEAKS FOR MY STORIES**_: www . comtastical . blogspot . com (take out the spaces)

Chapter 39: PANCAKES!

"BELLA DRINK THIS!!" Emmett screamed, running into the living room. Everyone was gone, either hunting or something about some other country......so I was hanging out with Emmett and Jasper. After the Edward-freaking-out-about-Emmett-setting-all-of-the-animals-in-the-zoo-free-and-almost-getting-me-killed incident, we were required to stay 'inside'.

"Umm....." Was all I got out before Emmett opened my mouth and poured the cold liquid down my throat.

"EMMETT!!" I screamed after I swallowed. My head started feeling fuzzy and I got a little dizzy, but it only made me hyper. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!"

"Something called 'Booze', did it taste good?" he said, smiling.

"EMMETT THAT'S ALCOHOL!!" I screamed. His smile faded into a grimace.

"Oh," he said, and then started getting worried. He started muttering about how Edward was going to kill him, and then after 10 minutes was when I became incoherent.

**Emmett's POV:**

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit SHIT. Edward's going to KILL me! I turned back to Bella, and she had lost it. She was jumping up and down on couch.

"Bella, get down before you break a leg....or something." I said and she squealed.

"EMMY!!! Hey, where's Jazzy hands?!" she said, and then fell off the couch. "HI MUFASSA!!!" she yelled with her face in the ground, waving at the floor.

I roared with laughter as she jumped up from the ground.

"WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!!??!!??!!"

"JASPER!! SHE WANTS YOU!!" I yelled, laughing.  
"What did you do, Emmett?" he appeared next to me.  
"I might of.....accidentally.....shoved alcohol down her throat....accidentally. Maybe. If I DID do it, then it was accidentally." Jasper's jaw hit the floor and he stared at me with wide eyes.

"EMMETT!!"  
"HEY! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! GET ME MY LAWYER!!"  
"What, I thought you fired your lawyer because he failed the last time you went to jail for crashing that bus into the 7-Eleven…?" Jasper said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yea.....wait! But didn't I borrow Rosalie's lawyer for the kidnapping case?"  
"No, you fired him because you asked him to get you a soda and he gave you a warm one.....which I don't understand because you don't even drink soda!"  
"Hey, if that dude couldn't do that one simple task right...."

-MEANWHILE-

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

Bella stared at the 2 flammable sparkly vampires arguing. She got bored so she turned around and silently walked out the door, leaving the 2 oblivious vampires behind. She ran into the forest, staring at all the trees.

"Pretty kitty!" she yelled.

**Jasper's POV:**

"No, no, no! You have it all wrong! EDWARD'S lawyer was the one that gave up on me before the case even started! Something about having sex in public being wrong......"

"Hey—where's Bella?!" I said, looking around. Shit. "Uhhh....." Emmett said, looking under the pillows on the couch.

"Emmett......how the hell would she be under the cushions?!" I said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, Jasper, since you have SUCH a good sense of smell, you find her!!" he said, smirking at the fact human blood affects me more. I rolled my eyes and darted out the door, following her scent, with Emmett closely behind. We stopped at a clearing and I saw Bella cowering behind a tree and a mountain lion about to attack her.

"I-CALL-DIBS!!!" Emmett yelled as he tackled the mountain lion to the ground. I sighed as I walked over to Bella. All Emmett can think of in a time like this was his stomach....err, his throat.

But when I took another breath and approached Bella, I stopped breathing. Pain seared down my throat and my eyes blazed with thirst. Bella was bleeding, and my body ached for the blood. The monster inside my head screamed at me to attack, but I couldn't move a muscle. I stood, balancing on the blade of a knife. "EMMETT! SHE'S BLEEDING!" I called, and he stopped messing around with the mountain lion and ran over to Bella. I saw as the lion ran into the forest and decided to chase after it.

**Emmett's POV:**

I walked over to Bella, holding my breath. I picked her up and ran towards the house, trying to remember how to fix bleeding....

I set her down on the couch, and inspected her arm which had huge claw marks on it. Edward was going to kill us....She was still acting loony, but basically sat there, stunned. I ran upstairs and grabbed the first aid kit. I took out a long cloth thingy and stared at it. Uhhhh....

Would it be okay to call Carlisle? Him, Edward, and Rosalie were hunting in Alaska.....Edward won't hear.....right?!....

He picked up on the first ring.

"Yes, Emmett?" he asked cautiously.

"Uhhh.....yea. Hey, Carlisle…um, so you see, we accidentally got Bella....drunk.....again—"

"WHAT!!??" he cut me off.

"Yea, so, she kind of ran off into the forest.....and tried to pet a mountain lion.....and accidentally got scratched. Accidentally." I said.

"WHAT!!???!!!" I heard Edward scream in the background, and held the pone away from my ear as a long line of yelling and profanities were screamed through the phone. Shit. I was hoping he wouldn't be around to hear.....

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!?!" Carlisle yelled.

"How do I fix her arm? It's like....bleeding. Accidentally." I said. "Jasper had to leave."  
"Well, Edward already took off back home.....just to warn you. Take the bandaging cloth and wrap it around her arm for now. We're on our way back." I hung up and did as he said. Now Bella was jumping around the living room again, just as Jasper walked back in.

**Jasper's POV:**

I walked back in the house, just as Bella started jumping around again.

"LET'S GO BUY SOME WALLS AT WAL-MART!!!" she screamed. Emmett erupted into laughter and I put my face in my hands.

"OHMAIGAWSHNESS!!! LET'S GO PAINT THE TOWN RED! NO! BLUE IS WAY BETTER! NOW WHERE IS THAT BLUE PAINT......NO! LET'S GO TO ATLANTIS!! NO! LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES! NOOOOOOO TARGET!!! DO THEY SELL TARGETS AT TARGET??!! I WANT ONE!!! WHAT ABOUT MY PANCAKES?! YOU NEVER GOT ME MY PANCAKES!!!!!!!!! JASPER, WHY CAN'T ANYONE KNOW YOU'RE A SPARKLY FLAMMABLE VAMPI—" she was cut off as Emmett tackled her to the ground.

"EMMETT!!" I yelled, pulling him off of her and throwing him into the wall, "WHAT THE HELL, MAN!?"

"DUDE, SHE WOULDN'T SHUT UP!!"

"I WANT MY PANCAKES!!!! WHERE ARE MY PANCAKES!!??!!??!!" Bella screamed, running around the room, until she ran into a wall and fell to the ground. Emmett laughed hysterically as she stayed on the ground, staring at the ceiling. Then she started moving her arms and legs around, making snow angels. I turned to look at Emmett.

"Hey.....so are you going to need a lawyer when you go to court for killing your brother's girlfriend?"

"Uhhh.....I don't know, did I fire Jimmy?"

"Hmm.....yea. I think you did. You should probably call him." I said, handing him the phone. "Bella, are you hungry?" I asked her, and she jumped up from the ground, talking at vampire speed.

"OHMAIGAWSHNESS!-YEA-I'M-SO-HUNGRY-LET'S-GO-GET-PANCAKES-I-WANT-PANCAKES-HOW-ABOUT-BLUEBERRY-OH-WAIT-NO-CHOCOLATE-OR-NO-LET'S-GET-PINEAPPLE-I-WANT-PANCAKES-WHERE-ARE-MY-PANCAKES!!??!!??!!" I stared at her with wide eyes. I didn't even think it was possible for humans to talk that fast......

I sighed as Emmett erupted into laughter, and I grabbed Bella and put her in the backseat of the Volvo. Emmett got in the passenger while I drove. "Dude, put the child lock on. Just in case." Emmett said, laughing. I put the child lock on as we drove to IHOP.

We sat down and a waitress came and asked for our order, staring at Emmett and I, paying no attention to Bella. "Bella—blueberry of chocolate?" I asked her.

"Blueberry—no chocolate!—no wait.....Blueberry—nooooo chocolate!—BOTH!" I sighed. "Blueberry Pancakes." I told the waitress and she left.

"How long do you think it will take Edward to get here?" Emmett asked.  
"We have about half an hour."

"Dude, 10 bucks says the Random Guy will be there."

"You're on."

"You know, I feel bad taking your money like this."

"Why do you say that?"

"Bella, is injured—he's gonna freak."

"You just proved my point.....Bella has never ACTUALLY been injured before, he's going to be livid. He will be so mad he won't even yell at you. He'll skip to the part where he tears you apart and burns the pieces." I said, smiling smugly.

"Oh......shit." He mumbled, and the waitress came back with Bella's pancakes.

"Are you sure you don't _need_ anything?" the waitress asked, staring at me. I didn't miss the double meaning in her words. "No, thank you." I said, and she left. Bella sat, happily eating her pancakes, when Edward came storming into the restaurant. "Shit." I mumbled, and Emmett and I sank lower in our seats.

**Edward's POV:**

I ran over to Bella and slid in the booth next to her. "Love, are you okay?" I asked. She shook her head and happily plopped another piece of pancake into her mouth. I took her arm in my hand and saw blood seeping through the bandage. I could tell Jasper wasn't breathing. The thought of an animal doing this to her made me angrier. I unraveled the bandage and gasped at what I saw. Jasper immediately took off out of the restaurant.

Bella's arm was covered in 4 deep claw marks, and was still bleeding. They definitely needed stitches.

"We told her not to pet the kitty....." Emmett mumbled. I grew livid as I stood up and pulled Emmett up out of the booth by the collar of his shirt and threw him into an empty table, smashing it. Everyone in the restaurant screamed and fled, leaving it empty except for us. Jasper suddenly appeared next to Emmett. "Pay up!" he said, and Emmett threw some money at him, and then he was gone.

Emmett jumped up and rammed into me, sending me flying into a window and shattering it. I jumped back through the window and punched Emmett in the stomach, sending him flying into the wall, leaving a huge hole as he fell to the ground. We continued to throw each other around the restaurant, while Bella just sat there staring at us, happily eating her pancakes.

I heard sirens pull up to the restaurant, and police filed in and handcuffed us. Jasper appeared next to Bella as they took us and shoved us into the police cars. Emmett was yelling.

"Jasper.....get.....Jimmy!"

**A/N: heh heh….I was in the mood for pancakes. LMFAO. REVIEW!**

**1. FUNNIEST LINE IN THIS CHAPTER?!**


	40. Jimmy!

**Disclamier:**

**Twin: They say that if you see a hummingbird or a butterfly, that someone is thinking about you…  
Me: That is……..the stupidest thing I've ever heard.**

**Thoughts are to butterflies as I am to owning Twilight: non existent.**

Chapter 40: Jimmy

WOOO! 40TH CHAPTER!!!

**Edward's POV:**

The police car drove down the road with the lights blaring. Emmett was laughing and yelling at the same time.

"Hey, Officer...." he leaned forward, reading the guy's name tag. "Baker....like Baked? HAHA!" Emmett said, erupting into laughter.

"It's Baker." The man said in a stern voice.

"Whatever you say, Baked." Emmett laughed as Officer Baker pulled us out of the car and into the police station.

Officer Baker threw us into the jail cell and locked it with an audible bang. I sighed as I sat down on the bench.

"COME BACK, BAKED! LET ME OUT OF HERE!! LET ME SPEAK TO MY LAWYER!! LET ME HAVE THE KEYS! LET ME—"

"EMMETT!" I yelled. I couldn't believe this was happening. Poor Bella. Officer Baker walked by and smirked at Emmett who was banging on the bars. "WHERE IS YOUR PROOF!? SHOW ME SOME EVIDENCE!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE!?" Emmett yelled at him.

"A completely destroyed restaurant."

"Oh." Emmett said, but then started banging on the bars again. "This is all your fault." I mumbled.

"ME?!?! _You_ attacked _me_, man!" he said, faking innocence.  
"You were supposed to be watching Bella! She's seriously hurt from what we consider our FOOD!" I said, too low for human ears to detect.  
"It's not my fault she got drunk....ok it was. But it's not my fault she ran out of the house.....ok it was. But it's not my fault I tackled her to the ground—"

"YOU WHAT?!?"

"Oh, she wouldn't shut up. And then she just HAD to have her pancakes…"

"Idiot." I mumbled.

"HEY! I am a SMART idiot!" Emmett yelled, and then turned back towards the bars and started shaking them again.

"I WANT MY PHONE CALL!! BAKED!"

A cop walked over to our cell and opened it. "YES! I'M FREE! I'M FREEEEE!" Emmett yelled.

"Edward Cullen." The cop said.

"NOOOOOOO!!" Emmett yelled.

"Time for your phone call." He led me to where a phone was on a chain. Who should I call? Bella? I really want to see how she is. But I need to talk to Carlisle in order to get out of here. I decided to call our house. The phone rang 4 times before someone finally picked up.

"I TOLD YOU WE DON'T WANT ANY COOKIES!!!" Alice screamed, and then slammed down the phone.

"Alice!" I yelled into the dead receiver.

"Okay, times up." Officer Baker said.

"But the line cut out!" I lied.

"Oh well." He said as he dragged me back to the cell. He threw me in and grabbed Emmett. "Hey, Baked!" Emmett said cheerfully.

"It's Baker." The officer grumbled.

"I didn't talk to anyone. Your phone call is our last hope." I told Emmett at vampire speed as he was dragged to the phone.

"Don't worry, I got this!!" Emmett called back. About 2 minutes later Emmett came back.

"What did they say?" I asked as Officer Baker threw him in the cell and left.

"Who?"

"Our family...." I said slowly as if I was talking to a 2 year old.

"Oh....umm...."

"Who did you call!?!"

"Umm....Adult World...."

"EMMETT WE HAD ONE MORE PHONE CALL AND YOU FREAKING BLOW IT ON A SEX STORE!?!" I yelled and he grinned. "Now what the hell are we supposed to do!?" I said, putting my head in my hands. All of these thoughts from the surrounding people were bugging the hell out of me.

...._I hope he brings the money...._

....._I gotta get out of here. I need my drugs...._

....._He's cuuuuute. I'd like to break me off a piece of THAT...._

...._I wonder when the guys want to go out for donuts...._

I raised my head and looked in the cell next to us., where an older, dirty looking lady sat. She had crooked teeth, wrinkles, and grey hair. She was staring at me, and winked and smiled, showing her crooked teeth. I cringed into the seat I was sitting in, and Emmett broke out in loud guffaws.

"Shut up." I mumbled, and he laughed harder.

"Bella's gonna be MAAAAADD!!" Emmett said, laughing harder.

"Rosalie is going to be pissed you called an adult store. What are you….not _satisfied_ with your wife?" he immediately shut up, and I grinned.

I heard footsteps approaching the station, and the smell of vampire.

_Edward, you boys are in trouble._

Carlisle's thoughts filled my mind, and I heard the cops letting them in. Esme and Carlisle stood in front of our cell with angry faces. Well, Carlisle was angry, Esme was amused.

_He's very angry, Edward._

I rolled my eyes at Esme's comment. "What up, Carlizzle?" Emmett said, chuckling. Carlisle scowled at Emmett.

"Jimmy is on his way." Carlisle said.

"What?! Why? Just bail us out!" I said, confused.

"Well, we can't. You completely destroyed a public place…they are taking it to court." I groaned at the mention of court....with Emmett. I heard footsteps walking down the hall, and we stopped talking, just as Jimmy walked in.

Jimmy was wearing skinny jeans, and a white button up shirt rolled up to his elbows with a black tie. He was in his early twenties, but looked our age. He had spiky black hair, and he was wearing stunna shades. He grinned as he came into view.

"The Jimsters!!" Emmett fisted him through the bars of the cell.

"Was crackin, my man?" Jimmy said. Carlisle sighed. He didn't like the fact that Jimmy wasn't professional, although, I had to admit, that Jimmy was one of the best lawyers in the state. Although, Emmett got along with him…so that's telling you something. "What's up, Carlizzle?" Jimmy grinned.

"We were just leaving...." Esme said, heading to the exit, followed by Carlisle. Once they were gone, Jimmy turned to us. "Destroying IHOP, eyy?" he laughed.

"Emmett's fault." I said at the same time Emmett said "Edward's fault." He sighed.

"Okay, this is what we gotta do...."

-Court Date-

"Emmett, keep your mouth shut." I said. We walked into the court room and I caught Bella's eye and grinned at here. She looked worried. I glanced down at her arm to find that it was stitched up and in a proper bandage.

We took our seats and I glanced at the owner of the IHOP. I looked at his lawyer.

"Shit." I mumbled to low for human ears. Emmett followed my gaze and landed on the lawyer. He erupted into laughter. The lawyer was the same lawyer that Emmett had fired because he got him a warm soda, and he was glaring at Emmett. I heard Jasper laughing from the audience.(AN whatever the ppl are that watch)

There was a voice that came on introducing us, and then out came the Judge. Judge July.(AN sorry I couldn't really use Judge Judy)

"OH MY GOD! NO WAY!! WE'RE GONNA BE ON TV!!!" Emmett yelled. I sighed and pinched the bridge of nose.

"Mr. Emmett Cullen....why don't you tell me what all happened?" the Judge asked. My eyes widened and I groaned. Emmett exchanged a look with me, winked, before he spoke to her.

"No comment."

I hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. The Judge looked furious as she took off her glasses and glared at Emmett.

"Mr. Cullen, this is a court room, not the paparazzi. You are required to answer the question." The Judge said in a stern voice. Emmett sucked in a deep breath.

"No comment."

"Your Honor, let me answer the question." I said, and she signaled for me to continue. "It was just a small misunderstanding—"

"So, you're telling me, that throwing each other around an IHOP and leaving it in crumbles is a misunderstanding?!" she said, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes." Emmett said, chuckling. I scowled at him. The lawyer, Connor(that Emmett had fired for the soda) stood up to begin prosecution.

"Mr. Emmett Cullen...." He started.

"Hey, Connie! How's it goin', buddy? I haven't seen you since you got me that warm soda!!" Emmett said, laughing.

"My name is Connor." He all but growled at Emmett. I could hear my family laughing in the back. Bella was having a hard time controlling her laughter. "Where were you at 2:00 PM on Friday, the day before the incident?" he asked, glaring at Emmett.

"I...was....uhh..." Emmett said, pulling out a calendar out of his pocket. "Umm—I-I-I was in the library and went on a date with Edward." he said. I looked at him weirdly. It was then he realized what happened. "I think this is Bella's" he said quietly.

I fought the urge to hit him in the back of the head. I glanced back at Bella, who was no doubt blushing furiously, and hid her face in her hands. My entire family was trying to hold in the laughter, even Carlisle. I just sighed. Emmett was such an idiot.

"Uh...huh...." Connor said, thinking. "What did you do to your brother to cause him to attack you?" he asked Emmett. I sighed. This was going to be horrible.

"Oh, that's easy. I got his girlfriend drunk and she got attacked by a mountain lion." He said, proud that he could answer a question right. Rosalie hit her forehead with her palm while Jasper was laughing hysterically, and Bella was too embarrassed to function.

"You—what?!" Connor said, astounded.

"Hey, hey, now." Jimmy said, "It was a misunderstanding. They were in the forest and a mountain lion attacked her. It's all good. Her arm is stitched up." he said, and then sat back down.

"So, you admit to destroying the restaurant?" Connor asked Emmett. This was not going well.

"Umm....yes...no....maybe." Emmett stuttered. "What's it to you, Connie?" Connor clenched his teeth in an effort not to start yelling at Emmett.

_Stupid boy...._

His thoughts consisted of a lot of swear words and plans on revenge.

"Well, it matters to me because I am asking you the question!" Connor snapped at Emmett.

"ohhhhhhh SOMEONE'S got a stick up their ass. PMSing, Connie?" Emmett said, chuckling.

"LOOK, BUDDY! JUST BECAUSE OF SOME—"

"ORDER IN THE COURT ROOM!!" the Judge yelled. "Mr. Stanford, I advise you control yourself." She said, and Connor sighed and continued.

"You destroyed the restaurant." Connor stated.

"YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE, CONNIE!!" Emmett yelled at Connor.

"MY NAME IS CONNOR!!!"

"That's what SHE said!" Emmett yelled. Connor's face was visibly turning red, and he was shaking with the effort to stay under control. Jimmy stood up, motioning for Connor to sit down, he did so, while Jimmy started to talk.

"The question is, not why were the boys destroying a restaurant during their wrestling match....but WHY was the restaurant in the WAY of their wrestling match? I mean, surely they didn't have to put the restaurant right THERE—"

"I'm concluding $4,000 to the repair of the restaurant. Get out of my court room." The Judge yelled, cutting off Jimmy and glaring at Emmett. We walked outside before our family came out, and an officer walked by.

"BYE BAKED!!" Emmett yelled at him, and I slapped him in the back of the head. Our family came out and glared at Emmett.

"Well, I think that went rather well." Emmett said.

**REVIEW!**

**DON'T FORGET TO VOTE EVERY DAY FOR THIS STORY FOR BEST HUMOR ON www . fanpirefictionawards . webs . com**


	41. Alice vs the Girl Scouts

**Disclaimer:**

Twin: They say that if you see a hummingbird or a butterfly, that someone is thinking about you…  
Me: That is........the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Thoughts are to butterflies as I am to owning Twilight: non existent.

**AN: so I got an idea, you know how in the last chapter Edward calls the house from Jail, and Alice answers, and says she doesn't want any cookies?...well I thought I'd do a short chapter on what happened before Edward called.**

Chapter 41: Alice vs. the Girl Scouts

Alice's POV:

_La-di-da-di-da!_

I hummed as I skipped around mine and Jasper's room, organizing clothes. I was so preoccupied with my clothes, that I didn't even pay attention to the future. So, I was surprised when I heard the doorbell ring. Who could that be all the way out here in the woods?

I skipped down the stairs and swung the front door opened, to be greeted by 5 little girls, ranging in ages 6-10, wearing green vests and shorts. _Ewww_ was all I could think about the outfits.

"Hello, ma'am. Would you like to buy some cookies? We're Girl Scouts." The smallest little girl said, smiling at me.

"No thank you, but you are very cute!" I said, returning a smile.

"Cute doesn't cut it, lady." The girl's voice turned sharp, "Please buy some cookies?"

"No, we can't eat cookies."

"But you could still buy some."

"No thank you." I said, my patience running thin.

"Please? _Please_ buy some cookies?"

I shook my head.

"BUY THE DAMN COOKIES!!" she yelled.

"NO I DON'T WANT THEM!" I yelled, and then slammed the door. About two minutes later, our house phone rang. I ran over and picked it up.

"Hello?" I said, cheerfully.

"Would you like to buy some cookies?"

"NO!" and then I hung up. The phone rang again, and I answered it. "Hello?" I said again.

"BUY SOME COOKIES!!" the girl screamed.

"I DON'T WANT TO!!" I yelled, and then hung up again. The phone rang again, and I growled as I picked it up, without saying hello.

"I TOLD YOU WE DON'T WANT ANY COOKIES!!!" I screamed, and then slammed down the phone.

I huffed as I made my way back upstairs to my clothes. When I was half way up the stairs, the doorbell rang. I sighed as I ran downstairs, and opened the door.

"GET HER!!!" a little girl screamed, and within a second I was being pelted with thin mints, shortbread, and peanut butter cookies. I picked up the cookies, and started throwing them back at the little girls with human strength. They increased the amount of cookies that were flying at me, and I screamed as I ran inside the house, taking cover.

I ran around the house, picking up as much ammo as I could. I smiled evilly as I opened the front door, and more cookies flew in my direction. I jumped outside and started aiming my squirt gun at the girls and shooting, covering them in green paint. "MWUAHAHAHAHA!" I yelled as they squealed and ran for cover in the bushes.

"Alice?"

I stopped and turned around.

"Oh. Hi, Jazz." I said, just as a cookie came flying through the air and hit me in the head.

**AN: REVIEW!!**

**THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN VOTING FOR THIS STORY! :)**


	42. The Powerpuff Cullens!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters**

Chapter 42: The Powerpuff Cullens!

Edward's POV:

"DUDE! HURRY UP! THE GAME IS ON!!" Emmett yelled from across the house. I sighed as I jumped over the couch and sat down in the middle of Emmett and Jasper. Emmett picked up the control and turned the TV on, and instantly some little kid show popped up. He scoffed as he reached to change the channel....

Click.

That did not sound good. He tried again.

Click.

Not good at all. Emmett's face was over-thrown with frustration.

Click.

Click, click, click.

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN!?!" he yelled, throwing his hands in the air. We all looked at the TV, and it said we were watching "The Powerpuff Girls". We all stared at the 3 little girls on the screen who could fly and had super strength. Soon, we forgot all about the game as we stared at the TV in silence.

"Dude, Buttercup owns." Emmett said after about 15 minutes.

"What?! Hell no! Look at Bubbles! She is so sweet and innocent! And she can talk to animals...." Jasper said.

"You both are wrong. Obviously, Blossom is the best. That is why she is the leader." I said, grinning.

"Blossom's only the leader because she is boring! And doesn't have any fun!" Emmett yelled.

"Oh, so having fun is wanting to punch somebody out every two seconds?" I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Hey, it's funner than talking to whimpy animals and making bubbles." Emmett replied, smirking.

"Bubbles is the cutest thing to walk the earth! Plus, her hair is wayyy nicer than Buttercup's and Blossom's." Jasper replied, snapping in a 'Z' formation. I laughed.

"Blonde?! Seriously?! Who's hair is _blonde_ now-a-days?!" Emmett replied, rolling his eyes.

"Uhh....your _wife_." I replied, and erupted into laughter. He glared at me.

"Well, at least short black hair is better than GOLDEN BRONZEY GOODNESS!!" Emmett said in a girly voice.

"Bronzey goodness? Seriously, Em?" Jasper said, laughing.

"Blossom's hair is the coolest looking. It's long and has that huge bow!"

"GAAAAAAAAY!" Emmett yelled.

"Well, Blossom IS more powerful than both Bubbles and Buttercup."

"OVER BUTTERCUP'S DEAD BODY!!" Emmett yelled. "Dude, didn't you see the tooth fairy episode?!" Jasper and I raised our eyebrows at him.

"So THAT'S why the TV is on this channel in the first place....." Jasper mumbled to me. I nodded.

"Bubbles is better. She is totally emotional, meaning: better." Jasper said, smugly.

"Dude, Buttercup has strength! SOOO much better in a fight!"

"If you don't have a brain, it doesn't matter." I said, grinning. That was definitely directed at Emmett. He growled at me and I laughed.

"You wanna take this outside?!" Emmett said, getting up.

"After you...." I said, getting up and motioning for him to go ahead. Jasper followed us as we ran into the front yard, and took battle positions.

"Buttercup could so Blossom's ass any day." Emmett said, and I lunged at him, ramming him into a tree. Jasper came up from behind and threw me into a tree, and made to punch Emmett's face. Emmett grabbed his fist and punched him in the face, sending him flying into a tree near me. I got up and charged at Jasper while he was at his weakest, and we wrestled around on the ground, and Emmett joined in the wrestling match. Jasper got on top of me, holding me down. I brought up my foot and kicked against his chest, and he flew backwards into the air about 50 feet, crashing through a window on the second story of our house. Emmett and I stared at the window.

"Owww." We heard Jasper moan, out of view.

We heard a snicker, and spun around to see Bella, Alice, and Rosalie trying to hold in laughter.

"Fighting over the Powerpuff girls? Really?" Rosalie said, laughing more. Alice and Rosalie walked into the house, while Bella walked over to me. She leaned down and put her lips to my ear.

"I always like Blossom, anyways." She whispered, and I shuddered.

Rosalie and Alice poked their heads out of the front door, fury on their face, before they spoke in unison.

"What did you just say!?!"

**AN: yayayaya! 2 chapters in one night! Have you ever noticed the resemblance?...**

**Blossom= Edward  
Bubbles= Jasper  
Buttercup= Emmett**


	43. AWARDS!

Yo, Nuggets!

Or, in case you want to be a animal cracker.....Yo, animal crackers!

Haha. So I wanted to say THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY FANS who voted for this story for the Best Humor Award on Fanpire Fiction Awards! So, guess what......

........

Drum roll please......

**OOPS HE DID IT AGAIN WON THE BEST HUMOR AWARD!**

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Thank you so much guys it means a lot to me, and I can't believe the amount of reviews this story has! This was my first story I wrote, and I had only originally planned on writing those first 12 or 13 chapters. But you guys liked it so much, you asked me to keep writing, and I'm glad you guys did! Because I had as much fun writing them as you did reading them....

Love you guys!

-JasperSAYSrelax128


	44. Texting you, Emmett

**AN: ok, so they will be in a chat room….on their phones. You know…like the internet…**

BELLA AND EMMETT ARE IN THE SAME CLASS

EDWARD AND JASPER ARE IN THE SAME CLASS

ALICE AND ROSALIE ARE IN THE SAME CLASS

Chapter 43: Texting you, Emmett

This is honestly the most boring lecture I have ever heard. I'm sitting in the back of the classroom in Calculus...I wonder what everyone else is doing....I looked to the front of the classroom where I saw Emmett fidgeting in his seat.

I silently pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and hid it under the desk as I turned it on. I grinned as the screen lit up, and decided who I was going to text.

Bella: EMMMMMEEETTTTTT!

I sent the message and waited for his reply.

"AHHHHH! MY PANTS ARE VIBRATING!" Emmett yelled, jumping up from his seat. The class looked at him funny, and I heard a few snickers here and there. I tried to muffle my laughter with my hand. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. "Oh." He mumbled.

"Mr. Cullen, turn off your cell phone!" the teacher snapped. Emmett nodded weakly and sat back down, hiding his cell phone under the desk as he read the message. I saw him begin typing on his phone, when he started frowning. He started hitting the phone with his fist, but then stopped. I flipped open my phone as it started vibrating.

Emmett: What do you want, loser?!

Bella: I'm bored.

Emmett: Hey babe, meet me in the closet.

I looked at Emmett with shocked eyes. He winked and mouthed 'Play Along'. Suddenly, my phone started vibrating like crazy.

Edward: WHAT!

Rosalie: WHAT!

Jasper: WHAT!

Alice: .....potatoes!

Bella: Really, Alice?

Alice: Sorry, I just ate a squirrel.

Rosalie: WHAT THE HELL, EMMETT!

Edward: EMMETT I SWEAR—

Emmett: So....Bella....wanna leave?

Bella: Sure!

Suddenly, the door to the classroom flew open, and I looked up with wide eyes as Edward ran into the classroom and tackled Emmett out of his desk.

"WHAT THE HELL MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GO OFF WITH BELLA YOU MORON!" Edward yelled, stabbing him with a pencil, "SHELL NEVER WANT YOU!!"

"I'M GONNA DO HER GOOD!!" Emmett yelled, laughing hysterically.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!" Edward yelled, "YOU COULD HURT HER!!"

"Oh, I don't think she'll be screaming from the pain—" Emmett said between laughter, and Edward punched him in the face. I was blushing furiously, and sunk down in my chair as everyone in the classroom tore their gaze away from the fight to glance at me.

"EDWARD! He was JOKING!" I yelled, and Edward stopped and looked at me, and I blushing furiously. He got off of the floor and then ran out of the room. Emmett got back into his chair, laughing hysterically.

"Emmett Cullen! Do not disrupt my class again!" the teacher yelled, and Emmett stopped laughing. Suddenly my phone started vibrating again.

Alice: Good job, Edward.

Jasper: nice.

Edward: Shut up, Jasper.

Jasper: ....I mean, seriously. Stabbing him with a pencil?!

Edward: Well, how would you feel if I said I was going to do something with Alice?

Jasper: .....

Bella: WHAT?!

Edward: Come on, let's go, Alice...

-Edward signed off-

Jasper: I'm gonna kill him.

-Jasper has signed off-

Bella: ....

Alice: don't worry, Bella. He's only kidding.

Rosalie: Hey.....where's Emmett?

Emmett: I'm right—

-Emmett has been disconnected-

I looked over at Emmett and saw him glaring at his cell phone. Then he started hitting it.

Bella: Cell phone troubles...

"MR. CULLEN! STOP TEXTING!!" the teacher shouted at Emmett.

Rosalie: Idiot.

Alice: You married him....

Emmett continued to hit his cell phone....and then the keys broke.

"EMMETT CULLEN! PUT THE CELL PHONE AWAY!" the Mr. Varner yelled for the third time.

Bella: Where are Edward and Jasper?

-Edward has signed on-

-Jasper has signed on-

Edward: was it really necessary to chuck a book at me, Jasper?

Jasper: Yes. These books are crap, anyways. They don't say anything good about the Confederates.

Edward: *grinning evilly*

Jasper: Don't...you....dare.

Alice: BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bella: What's happening?

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

Edward stood up in the middle of the history class, pulling a flag out of his pocket. He started running around the classroom, waving the Union flag in the air, shouting "UNION RULES! DOWN WITH THE CONFEDERATES!"

Jasper's face was priceless. Jasper stood up on his desk and started singing the Confederate song, while Edward continued to run around the classroom, shouting "UNION RULES! DOWN WITH THE CONFEDERATES!"

**Bella's POV:**

Alice: Oh....nothing much....

Rosalie: Where's Emmett?

I looked over at Emmett, who was still hitting his cell phone. Suddenly, the cell phone fell apart in his hand.

Bella: Um...

Alice: BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bella: what?

Alice: 5...4...3...2...

I looked over at Emmett, who had put the phone back together, and he proceeded to bang it against the desk. Suddenly, the cell phone slipped from his grasp and flew through the air and hit Mr. Varner in the head, causing him to pass out. Emmett sunk lower into his chair.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" he yelled.

Bella: O.O

Alice: LOL!

Mike: LOL LOL!

Bella: ....

Mike: Oh this is Emmett. I stole Mike's phone.

I looked up at Emmett who was sitting next to Mike, glaring at him, making it look like he was going to punch him. Mike cowered in his seat.

-Edward has signed on-

-Jasper has signed on-

Jasper: That was un-called for.

Edward: ....that was so called for.

**3****rd**** PERSON POV:**

Jacob: hey leeches....and Bella.

Rosalie: When did you get here, mutt?!

Jacob: When I showed up. HEY! I got a joke for you, blondie…

Rosalie: .....*growl*

Jacob: why do blondes drive BMW's?

Rosalie: ....

Jacob: Because they know how to spell it! HAHAHA!

Alice: *snicker*

Rosalie glared at Alice who was sitting next to her, and hit her in the head, causing Alice to fall out of her seat.

Rosalie: ....how did you get our numbers, mutt?!

Jacob: Bella.

Rosalie: ....Hey...Bella....come here...

Edward: Rosalie....

Jacob: OH! I got another one!

*Bella, Edward, Jasper, Emmett all sigh....while Alice laughs hysterically.*

Jacob: Ok...so there's a blonde, black haired girl, and a brunette walking in the desert....oh, let's name them "Rosalie", "Alice", and "Bella". They come across a genie lamp and each get a wish. Bella goes, "I miss my home. Send me there!" And she goes. Alice goes, "Take me home!" And the genie sends her home. Then Rosalie says, "I'm really lonely. I wish my friends were back."

*Everyone laughing hysterically except for Rosalie*

Edward: .......

Jasper: ....I would run, dog.....

-Rosalie has signed off-

-Jacob has been disconnected-

Alice: ROFL!

Emmett: Running over fat llama?

Edward: what?

Emmett: ROFL=running over fat llama?

Bella: ROFL means rolling on floor laughing.

Emmett: why would you want to roll over on the floor?

Jasper: nvm...

Emmett: New Vietnamese Monkeys?

Jasper: what the hell?!

Emmett: nvm= New Vietnamese Monkeys?

Jasper: EMMETT! SHUT UP!

Emmett: but—

Alice: We're shunning you!

Emmett: WAIT! NO! I CAN CHANGE!

Alice: SHUUUUUUUUN!

Emmett: ALICE NO!!!

Alice: SHUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Emmett: helloooo?

*silence*

Emmett: Edward?

*silence*

Emmett: Eddie-boy?

Edward: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME EDDIE!!

Emmett: HAHA!

Edward: EMMETT YOU BASTARD!

Emmett: LET'S PLAY I-SPY!!

Bella: How do you expect to do that?

Emmett: I GET TO GO FIRST! Ok, I spy, with my little eye....something yell—

Edward: pencil.

Emmett: HEY! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

Edward: *sarcastically* lucky guess.

Emmett: oh...I'll go again. Ok, I spy with my little eye....something that begins with p—

Edward: paper.

Emmett: OH MY GOD! EDWARD ARE YOU PSYCHIC TOO?!?

Edward: .....

Emmett: Ok, I spy with my little eye...something that is bald—

Edward: Mr. Varner's head.

Emmett: MAN, YOU'RE GOOD!

Jasper: ....

Edward: Emmett, you're an idiot.

Emmett: I'll be right back....

Bella: umm....

Edward: What is it, love?

Bella: well.....you see...

Alice: BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Bella glances out the window of the classroom where Emmett is keying Edward's Volvo. Now Emmett pulls out a spray can and spray paints "OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!"

Bella: uhhh....

Emmett proceeds to paint "FUCK ME, BELLA!" on the other side.

Bella: OH MY GOD! EMMETT....and....ehh...VOLVO!

Edward runs out of his classroom and to the parking lot, right when Emmett is finishing his "Decorating".

-Edward has signed off-

-Emmett has been disconnected-

-Rosalie has signed on-

Jasper: Bella....what happened to your teacher?

Bella: Oh...he's unconscious on the floor.

Jasper: oh.....Emmett?

Bella: ....yea.

Echo:  
EEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

Rosalie: What's going on?

Alice: MWUAHAHAHAHA!

Bella: erm....Edward is banging Emmett's head repeatedly against the cement.

Rosalie: oh....ok.

Bella: Jasper?

Jasper: ....yes?

Bella: are you sending out lust waves?

Jasper: ....why do you ask....

Bella: well, I was just wondering why Emmett was kissing Edward...

Bella looks back outside the window where Emmett is holding Edward, who is trying to run away, in a head lock, kissing him.

Rosalie: Nothing new. The other day Jasper made Carlisle fall in love with Edward....again.

Alice: HAHAHAHA!

Rosalie: Alice....why are you grinning like that?

Alice: watch...

Rosalie and Alice are sitting side-by-side in class, when Eric, who is sitting next to Rosalie, starts speaking gibberish.

"What?!" Rosalie says, confused.

"Oh, I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty." Eric responds. Rosalie scoots her desk away from Eric.

Bella: What just happened?

Alice: Rosalie just got hit on by a unicorn...

Bella: Do I want to know?

Rosalie: no, not really...

Jasper: Where are Emmett and Edward?

Bella looked out the window of the classroom, where Edward was literally wiping the windshield of his Volvo with Emmett's face.

Bella: Um...

Alice: BAHAHHAHAHA!

Jasper: Alice, love, are you alright?

Bella: I think the girl scout cookies are finally getting to her...

Alice: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! DON'T EVER SPEAK OF THOSE DEMONS AGAIN!

Jasper: but they were only cute, innocent, little girls, Alice...

Alice: EVIL....LITTLE.....DEMONS!

Bella: Alice, next time....just buy the cookies....and no one gets hurt. I learned that 3 years ago...

Alice: *shudders*

Jasper: What's happening now, Bella?

Bella looked out the classroom window, where Edward was now banging Emmett's head against the front of the car. Suddenly, the car exploded.

Bella: um....

**AN: HAHA! Ok, so I hope you guys thought it was funny. I don't think it's my best work…**


	45. CONTINUE!

**CONTINUE?!**

Should I continue this story? If I can get to 2,000 reviews I will be continuing the story, guys!

A BOOGA-BOOGA!

-JasperSAYSrelax128


	46. CHANGE OF PLANS!

CHANGE OF PLANS!

I will be writing 2 more chapters and then ending this story.

**WAIT! WAIT!!**

Jasper says RELAX! Before you take out your freaking pitchforks because I can already hear a mob forming!!

There is a **SEQUEL!!**

So are you relaxed yet? Huh? Jasper thanks you. Yesterday I started a story called "It All Started With a Comment". Well, I just made the decision this story is going to be the sequel. It's already on my profile, so you can go look now. FYI the first chapter is in 3rd Person POV, but I will be doing it in other POV's as well. But like I said, I will be adding ONE MORE CHAPTER to this, and then an Epilogue!

This story was my first story I have ever written on Fanfiction, and I am so amazingly happy with the progress it has made. Did you know I hand-wrote the first 15 chapters? Anyways, thank you so much to all of you that have been reading, and thank you to the INCREDIBLE people that have been reviewing! I LOVE YOU ALL FREAKING AMAZING REVIEWERS!

Now, let' see if we can make this story go out with a BANG reaching that 2,000 reviews! We're almost there!

Also, all(but one: My Black Dahlia) of my stories have the incredible humor that is in this one, so if you are hungry for more, check out my other stories. Especially if you want to laugh, read my story "ACTION!"

Peace, Love, and JasperSAYSrelax


	47. SEE YA, SUCKAAAS!

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I'm sad!  
Twin: Why?  
Me: This is the last chapter of my first story!  
Twin: ……  
Emmett: WAFFLES!  
Me: OMG WHERE!?!  
Emmett: up there! *points to sky!*  
Me: OMG! *jumps up in the air, trying to reach*  
Edward: there are no waffles up there.  
Me: WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!?! IT'S CALLED **_**BELIEVING**_**, EDWARD! BELIEVING!  
Edward: seeing is believing. I see no waffles.  
Me: Well, I don't see the deed to Twilight, but that doesn't mean—  
Edward: yea, it does.  
Me: damn.**

Chapter 44: SEE YA, SUCKAAAS!

Bella's POV:

"Okay, students, grab all of your things and head over to the computer lab. There's another class in there, so be silent when you walk in, and remember to walk, not run. It doesn't matter if you sit next to your friends, because there will be no talking what-so-ever." Mr. Banner instructed. Our class got out of our seats and started walking out the door, towards the computer lab. Emmett popped up beside me as we walked down the hallway in silence as to not disturb any of the other classes.

"PSSSSSSST! HEY, BELLA!" Emmett whispered rather loudly. Everyone turned around and gave him an irritated look. I chose to ignore him and continue walking in silence down the quiet corridor.

"BEEEELLLLLAAAA! PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTT!!!!" Emmett practically yelled. I continued to ignore him.

"BELLAAAAAA!!" Emmett literally yelled this time.

"WHAT!?!?!" I yelled, spinning around. His grin increased.

".....Sit next to me?" he said sheepishly. I sighed. "Fine." I grumbled. We were going into the computer lab for a research project, nothing bad could happen....right?

Everyone started filing into the library and headed straight for the computers in the back. There was another class on half of the computers, and I smiled when I noticed Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie, all spread out on a computer. Alice was in the front, Edward was in the middle, Rosalie near the side, and Jasper in the back. Emmett and I took the 2 empty seats across the room and turned on our computers. I opened the Internet Explorer, and was just about to start my research, when there was a tap on my arm. I chose to ignore it, but the tapping got harder and quicker. I clenched my teeth, and growled as I turned to face Emmett.

"What!" I said through clenched teeth. Suddenly, he took my keyboard and mouse, and started typing something furiously. He stepped away, and I looked back up at the computer screen. An AIM chatroom was opened, and it said my username was KlutzyFreak. I gared at Emmett, and he burst into hysterical laughter.

"SHHHHH! MR. CULLEN!!" The Librarian screeched. I didn't miss that both Edward's and jasper's head shot up as well. Jasper quickly looked away, reminding himself that his supposed last name was "Hale".

I grumbled as I quickly changed my username to "BellaBallerina". Suddenly, 5 people entered the chatroom:

**EmmettAlmighty**

**JasperSAYSrelax**

**RosalieTHEbeautiful**

**EdwardTHEgreat**

**AliceAmazing**

I scoffed at the names they chose.

**EmmettAlmighty:** BellaBallerina? Really?

**BellaBallerina:** Look who's talking, Mr. Almighty!

**EmmettAlmighty:** But you're anything but graceful.

**BellaBallerina:** You're anything but Almighty.

**AliceAmazing:** children, quiet down!

**EmmettAlmighty:** HEY! I AM NOT A—

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Do not even finish that sentence.

**EmmettAlmighty:** you suck.

**JasperSAYSrelax:** you swallow.

**RosalieTHEbeautiful:** JASPER!

**JasperSAYSrelax:** he started it.

**EdwardTHEgreat:** I'm surprised he didn't comment back on it.

**AliceAmazing:** BAHAHAHA!

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Emmett?

I looked over at Emmett, who was shaking his mouse around furiously.

**BellaBallerina:** his computer froze.

**JasperSAYSrelax:** loser.

**BellaBallerina:** it seems he has issues with electronics.

**EmmettAlmighty:** I'M BACK!! WHO MISSED ME!?!

-silence-

**EmmettAlmighty:** what the hell?!

-silence-

**EmmettAlmighty:** I'm bored.

**BellaBallerina:** Emmett....do you realize how many times you've said that in this story?...and do you realize EVERY time you say that, something either a. stupid b. disastrous or c. dangerous happens?

**EmmettAlmighty:** Yea, well, maybe I say it so cool stuff will happen. It's not like anything BAD happens…

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored."

RESULT:

I. was. BLUE!!! MY SKIN WAS BLUE!!

"Emmett. YOU. ARE. DEAD!!" I screamed, grabbing an aluminum baseball bat that was laying next to a bin of equipment. I ran up to him, and raised the bat. "Bella, come on, put down the bat." He said, raising his hand as if to take it from me.  
Yeah, right.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Or, how about the time....

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm BORED!!"

RESULT:

Then there was a loud thump, I turned to see Bella had run into a wall, and she was just standing there, her face on the wall. Then she started banging her head against the wall,

"CHARLIEEEEE! THERE'S A BOULDER IN THE WAYYY!!!!" She screamed. Jasper ran up and punched the wall, causing it to collapse....

Jasper came running outside, a piece of paper rolled into a unicorn horn, taped to his head. He galloped around us in circles pretending to be a horse.

"neighhh!" he squealed, then he ran back inside. Everyone stood frozen, eyes wide. Then Alice ran after him yelling, "WAIT! JASPER! THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH THAT HORN!!!"

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**RosalieTHEbeautiful:** OH! What about when…

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I am....bored."

RESULT:

A HUGE stand had fallen over.........onto Rosalie's BMW. It fell on the front end, shattering the windshield, and completely denting the hood. And there was that missing hubcap, lying on the ground.

The next thing we saw was some rope and duct tape.....lying on the ground. What the hell? The last thing we saw, and possibly the best, was Rosalie, chasing Emmett with a whip.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**EdwardTHEgreat:** Or that one time....

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored."

RESULT:

"Oh, hey Ed-weirdo!" Emmett turned to look at Edward, his face covered with black smoke. "Wanna see what happens when I drink gasoline then eat a match? Dude it's so cool!" He said as he took a swig of gasoline.

"No Emmett! put that match—"

BOOM!

"—down." Edward finished as a piece of Emmett's arm fell on his head.

"Dude! I should be on Jackass or something!" Emmett yelled as his arm quickly crawled back over and reattached itself. I let out a small scream from where I was hiding behind Edward, who was now covered in black dust.

....

"Emmett...what did you do?!" I sighed, I am reallllyyy getting sick of this.

"Welllll...." Emmett started. "This morning I had the thought that I REALLLYY wanted to get back at Newton for everything he's done to Edward and Bella."—Wow, that's really sweet.—"And I knew Alice had talked about today being interesting. So I decided to rattle Eddie first" Edward growled at the nickname Emmett occasionally uses for him. He HATED IT. "I sung Banana Phone and HSM in my head, which he told Bella, and she laughed, not realizing there were other students. She blushed, Edward smiled, they got detention. I played with gasoline and matches, that got me in here. Alice had a VISION of me playing with gasoline and matches, which she laughed, and that started the argument between her and the teach. I spray painted Rosalie's name on the lockers, they thought she did it, landing her in here. And Jasper.....poor, little, Confederate Jasper. I was angry in the class next to Jasper's, because some dudes were talking about Rosalie! So I got VERY angry. That's why Jasper exploded in class.....landing us all in detention."

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**AliceAmazing:** Or when....

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored."

RESULT:

Alice greeted me outside.

"Hiya Bella!" she bounced happily. For a second I wondered what she would be like if she were on a sugar rush...but then I quickly pushed that thought out of my mind. I have had enough nightmares to last me a life time.

"Hey, Alice. What's going on?....has Emmett done anything stupid yet?" I asked, rolling my eyes at the mention of 'stupid' and 'Emmett'.  
"Well, not much. And as for Emmett, he's actually been really go—" But Alice was interrupted as a computer screen that had been tossed out the window landed right in front of us. And then half of a table.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**EdwardTHEgreat:** And then...

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored....LET'S GO MEET HARRY POTTER!!"

RESULT:

"That is one HOT fan girl." Ron said to Harry. Then, Emmett and I screamed again. Emmett ran over to Harry, forgetting to try to act human, and tackled Harry.  
"uh oh." I said as I ran over to them, and tripped on Emmett's foot. I tried to get around Emmett and hug Harry. I heard everyone laughing uncontrollably in the background "EMMETT! OFF!" I yelled at him. Then Fred and George showed up.  
"WE NEED TO GET THIS DUDE OFF HARRY!" Ron whined.  
"OK!" the twins said together. God, they sounded the same. They took out their wands. They said some magical word that I didn't catch, and Emmett was off of Harry. I on the other hand, was still on the ground, hugging Harry. He was on top of me.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Dude, what about when...

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored."

RESULT:

"EMMM—"

Edward was cut off, as, out of nowhere the random guy comes out of the trees, runs up to Emmett, and shoves him off the cliff. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN NEVER FINISH A SENTENCE!!" Emmett flew off the cliff and into the water.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**BellaBallerina:** OH! OH! Or, when....

_-FLASHBACK-_

I smelled smoke at the same the school fire alarm went off. I turned and saw our fondue up in flames on the stove. "AAAHHHGGG!!!!!" Emmett yelled, throwing his hands in the air as I screamed.

"EMMETT, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?!?!!" Rosalie screeched. Everyone—every, single, person— on the field turned to glare at Emmett.

Emmett smiled proudly as he answered, "I got bored."

-_END FLASHBACK-_

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Nice....or that one time....

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm BORED!!" Emmett whined, 2 minutes into our history Class. Our sub was talking about Hitler. Emmett, being his usual self, was already bored. Uh-oh. "Hey! Bella....I brought you some juice!"

RESULT:

"Miss Swan, then if you will not go to the nurse, could you please sit down in your seat?" the sub asked.

"NOO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! YOU'RE NOT A SPARKLY VAMPIRE!!!" She screamed, and then ran out of the room.

-_END FLASHBACK-_

**BellaBallerina:** Oh jeez....

**EmmettAlmighty:** HAHA! And the once we scared Mike to death....

**BellaBallerina:** What ever happened to Lauren, Jessica, Eric, and Tyler?

**EmmettAlmighty:** Oh....when were we supposed to let them out of the dungeon?"

**BellaBallerina:** WHAT?!

**EmmettAlmighty:** Chill, Bells. I'm kidding! We let them go and paid them to keep their mouths shut.

**JasperSAYSrelax:** Hey, I have to say though, Emmett, the worst time was when....

_-FLASHBACK-_

"I'm bored...Let's go to the ZOO!!" he bellowed. Could this end up being disaster? Jasper and I looked at each other, and then Jasper nodded. "Okay. But NO TROUBLE." He grinned.

RESULT:

Suddenly, we heard more growling, and we were completely surrounded by large cats again. Except this time there were more. We backed towards the wall of rock as the cats approached us. Emmett turned around and climbed up onto the large boulders, trying to get me as far away from them as possible. Jasper and Jacob followed suit.

"What do we do?!" I asked, worried. Jasper sent more calming waves toward me and I relaxed a little.

"This is ridiculous! If it wasn't for these humans we could rip these animals apart!" Emmett bellowed.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!" Jacob yelled.

"Jacob, you're not going to die." I said, rolling my eyes. Even I knew that there was no possible way we would die from animals if there were two super awesome sparkly vampires standing next to us.

"HEY! I have an idea!" Emmett said, a grin breaking across his face.

"What?" we all said.

"THROW THEM JACOB AND RUN!" he yelled.

_-END FLASHBACK-_

**EmmettAlmighty:** good times....good times.

**AliceAmazing:** shun.

**EmmettAlmighty:** shun? What do you mean SHUN?!

**AliceAmazing:** shun.

**EmmettAlmighty:** WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!

**AliceAmazing:** shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn.

**EmmettAlmighty:** AHHHH!

**AliceAmazing:** shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnn.

**EmmettAlmighty:** STOP WITH THE SHUNNING!

**AliceAmazing:** shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn.

**EmmettAlmighty:** STOOOOOOOOOOOOPP!

**AliceAmazing:** ..................

**Alice Amazing:** ......................

**Alice Amazing:** ..............................shun.

**EmmettAlmighty:** AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**AliceAmazing:** shun.

**EmmettAlmighty:** YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU, ALICE! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DAMN SHUNNING!

**AliceAmazing:** shun.

**EmmettAlmighty:** GAHHHH!

**AliceAmazing:** ............

**EmmettAlmighty:** DON'T

**AliceAmazing:** ..............

**EmmettAlmighty:** I'M WARNING YOU!

**AliceAmazing:** ................

**EmmettAlmighty:** DON'T

**AliceAmazing:** ...............

**EmmettAlmighty:** YOU

**AliceAmazing:** ................

**EmmettAlmighty:** DARE

**AliceAmazing:** ......................shun.

Suddenly, Emmett stood up, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" he yelled in frustration. Alice snickered, and Emmett took his mouse and threw it across the room, hitting Alice in the head, causing her to fall out of her seat.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MR. CULLEN!" the Librarian hissed at Emmett.

"But—"

"SHHH!"

Emmett grumbled as he sat back down. "Now you don't have a mouse." I said to Emmett. He looked from me, to his right, where Mike was sitting, watching Emmett fearfully. Emmett snatched the mouse out of Mike's hand.

"Hey! That's my—" he stopped as Emmett sent him a death glare. He shrank back and scooted his chair as far away from Emmett as possible.

**EdwardTHEgreat:** idiot.

**EmmettAlmighty:** HEY! I am a SMART idiot!

**EdwardTHEgreat:** You blew up my car.

**EmmettAlmighty: **You made me blow up your car.

**EdwardTHEgreat:** You made me make you blow up my car.

**EmmettAlmighty:** You made me make you make me blow up your car.

**EdwardTHEgreat:** that makes no sense. It was your big head.

**EmmettAlmighty:** it was your dumb car...

**EdwardTHEgreat:** ....that you found the need to make "pretty" as you put it.

**EmmettAlmighty:** I thought I did a good job.

**EdwardTHEgreat:** yea, because I go around saying "FUCK ME, BELLA!" all the time.

**EmmettAlmighty:** I KNEW IT!! Hear that, Bells?

Everyone turned in their seats to look at me, where I was blushing ten shades of red.

**JasperSAYSrelax:** muffins.

**AliceAmazing:** BAHAHAHAHAHA!

**RosalieTHEbeautiful:** excuse me?

**JasperSAYSrelax:** .....muffins.

**RosalieTHEbeautiful:** WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?!?!

**JasperSAYSrelax:** *tiny voice* .......muffins?

-RosalieTHEbeautiful has signed off-

-JasperSAYSrelax has been disconnected-

I didn't even want to take a look to the back of the room to see what was happening.

"SHHHHH! MS. HALE! THIS IS A LIBRARY! IF YOU ARE GOING TO STRANGLE SOMEONE DO IT _OUTSIDE!_" the Librarian hissed. The next thing I heard was a bang, and Jasper flew into a bookshelf. The whole thing tumbled to the ground, and Jasper struggled to get up and away from the approaching Rosalie. "MS. HALE!!" the Librarian screeched, looking at the mess of books on the ground.

"Well, we were going outside, but it seems my brother is a bit of a klutz." Rosalie said in an innocent voice. Jasper ran out of the library with Rosalie following behind.

**BellaBallerina:** will he be okay?

**EdwardTHEgreat:** umm...

**EmmettAlmighty:** HELL NO!

**BellaBallerina:** why don't you help him!

**EmmettAlmighty:** because.

**BellaBallerina:** .....

**AliceAmazing:** this is going to be great.

**BellaBallerina:** what?

-MiketheGREATER has signed on-

**MiketheGREATER:** hey, Bella!

**BellaBallerina:** um.....

**EdwardTHEgreat:** ......

**EmmettAlmighty:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

**AliceAmazing:** heh hehe....

**MiketheGREATER:** so, what's—

**EmmettAlmighty:** you're banned.

**MiketheGREATER:** what?!

**EmmettAlmighty:** We're so banning you.

**MiketheGREATER:** NO! WAI—

-MiketheGREATER has been disconnected-

**EdwardTHEgreat:** that was funny.

**AliceAmazing:** LOL

**EmmettAlmighty:** Licking On Lollip—

**BellaBallerina:** oh, we're not starting THAT agai—

Suddenly, there was a loud bang from outside, and I could faintly hear Jasper yelling "AHHH! ROSE, NO!" until Jasper crashed into the window behind Emmett and I, glass flying everywhere. Edward was in front of me, protecting me from the glass. Jasper groaned and rolled over, quickly escaping the mess. He jumped back out the window, but turned back and yelled "SEE YA, SUCKAAAS!" before running off in a random direction.

Everyone was silent before Emmett erupted into laughter.

"Emmet, never say "I'm bored" ever again."

**IF YOU LOVED THIS STORY, REVIEW! also, what was your NUMBER ONE favorite chapter? If you HAD to choose?**


	48. Epilogue

Chapter 45: Epilogue

Emmett was sprawled across the couch, playing with a rubber band. Alice was sitting in an armchair, with her legs hanging off one side and her head hanging over the other, searching the future for lottery numbers. Jasper was sitting on the floor in front of Alice's chair, staring at the TV with a blank expression. I was sitting in Edward's lap on another armchair, staring at Emmett playing with the rubber hand, while Edward played with my hair. Emmett sighed.

"I'm bored."

Suddenly, the rubber band flew from his grasp, shot across the room, and into Esme's new antique lamp, causing it to fall over and shatter against the floor.

*In Africa*

Random Guy: I'M FREEEE! NO MORE VOIC—

Echo:  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

**THE END**

The sequel is called "It All Started With a Comment" it's on my profile.


	49. VOTE FOR ME

VOTE FOR ME!

Hey guys, if you ever thought this story was funny or loved it I need you to help by VOTING FOR IT!! There's a forum dedicated to the Best Stories of 2009 Awards and they're in the process of voting. "Oops, he did it Again!" is up for a choice in BOTH categories, "Best Comical Moment" AND "Best Comedy"! So if you want this story to win those, go vote!! BE SURE TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. You have to vote for a 1st place(5 points) a 2nd(3 points) AND a 3rd place(1 point) otherwise your vote won't count. Here's the link(take out the spaces):

http://forum . fanfiction . net/forum/CuriosityKilled_The_Cat/69076/

Love you all!!


	50. Also

Apparently I am ALSO up for vote for the category BEST AUTHOR.

Here is the link to the specific vote for Best Author page:

http://forum . fanfiction . net/topic/69076/20799588/1/#21805742

And thank you SO MUCH to xStarlitTwilightRosex for all of your support and everyone who is voting for me and my story!! I really really appreciate it. Love you guys!

~JasperSAYSrelax128

"GO JSR'S FANFICTION READERS!!"

~Twin


	51. I'm back

Hey Fanfiction…..I'm back. I know it's been a year since I've written but you wouldn't believe what I've been through. I'm going to start writing everything again…but first, I owe it to myself, and you guys to write this one story and finish it before I continue any of my other stories. If you have ever liked any of my stories, please I beg you show me the respect to read this story. It's about me and what I've been through. It would mean the world to me.

Please Don't Hurt Me by: Jennifer Lynn Henderson. "Jen"

I was gonna start this off "I never meant to fall in love", but really, the truth is I meant to, but never thought I actually would.

And no, I don't mean the middle school teeny bopper "OHHH I LOOOVEE YOUUU" boyfriend girlfriend love, I mean the serious commitment, the bond of being in love. Something none of the books, none of the movies or plays or shows or stories have ever done justice.

Fuck I've doused myself up with drugs, hurt myself over and over, physically abused myself and other people… I've tried everything I can to forget this love. This love is so strong it shakes me, it tortures me, it won't ever let me forget, no matter how hard I try or what I do. This is a type of love you won't find everywhere, something that will never leave you. It was the best thing of my life to feel it. Now it's become the worst thing I'm trying to forget. It haunts me. Because of this I will never be the same, never walk through the world with the same head on my shoulders, I will never have hope of finding another.

This is my fucking story…what I've been through this past year, and what I'm trying to face to this day. It may not end well.


End file.
